[ Ruby ]
Yes, it's selfish, but that's part of humanity, to be selfish. Show me a person who can claim to never be selfish and I'll show you a robot. I can't pretend to understand what it's like to have humanity, lose most of it, then try to build on what's still there, but what you're talking about is pretty common for being human, doing something that some people will always see as unforgivable and then living through the consequences.
He really is, and I think perhaps he misses you too.
You can find normal again, with time. It might not be the same normal you had, but then, was the normal so great when it was based partially on a lie?