Faith
I know. And she's altering my perceptions. A lot. But I tell her, what I thought and what if she doesn't want me around the shop. Its one of the few things in my life right now that distracts me. I take that away and what do I have.
I honestly tried to be friends. I believed it. I liked where I was, I had Cas, Sam was happy, and believe it or not i really did care about that. Whatever I thought he was, just...understand none of it was malicious about him.
The rest of you, yes. I screwed over, and it did bother me but not enough. Not nearly enough. And him, I want so badly to apologise to him and have him believe me, not forgive me, just believe me. And he won't.
I'm fully aware of what I threw away. Don't worry about that. And I'm used to the quick fix. I'm used to the easy way out. And I don't have that now and I hate it.