Sam.
No, Sam. No, I didn't know that we were falling apart. I picked fights because I was aggravated with everything that was going on, because no, I wasn't in the best of moods all the time when we first found out about this pregnancy. And for that? I'm sorry. It was wrong, and I know that. But at the time, I was getting too wrapped up in the disaster that was my headspace and I took it out on you when I never should have. But did that mean I was grasping at straws, trying to pull us back together because I knew things were getting worse and worse? No. And that's the truth, I won't ever deny it. Why do you think I'm taking this so hard, beyond the fact that we just broke up? Because I didn't see it coming, not even in the slightest, Sam. Did I think we were perfect? No, of course not. But I told you from the very beginning I didn't want perfect, I didn't expect perfect. So to me, it was a rough spot that we could get past and move on from. Maybe it was because I love you differently. I don't know. But I didn't suspect anything, Sam, and I didn't change on purpose. I didn't consciously turn into someone you didn't love, and just you saying that, right there? How can I not feel horrible about myself? I can't help that, Sam. That's how a person feels when they get dumped when you're engaged and pregnant, thinking things are gonna be okay with time. I don't expect you to understand that, because just like you said, you're not in my position. You can't be, just like I can't be in yours. So stop making assumptions about how I've felt this whole time. You have no idea how I've felt.
And how can you ask me if I meant the stuff I said to you when you were upset? That...I don't even know how to respond to that. I don't.
I'm not a psychic, Sam. How the hell am I supposed to know how you're reacting to all this if I don't see it, or if someone doesn't tell me? Because I'm not stupid, I know people have been helping you out, seeing how you're handling things, and it turns out I'm the last to know about it all. What do you want me to do? Go around assuming you're just as broken up as I am, thinking you're doing all of that stuff when I have nothing to go on? I assumed too many things about you already, Sam, and I was wrong about it all.
You know what I'm tired of? Being told I don't think about anyone but myself. Being told I need to stop being so concerned about how I feel and start thinking about how other people feel. You don't know what I did all the while you were gone, you don't know what was going through my head, how concerned I was about you and how much I wanted you to just come back. Not even for me, but just so I knew you were safe.