Sam.
I think, in the end, we have to put aside any of the should be's, supposed to's, and what if's, and just live our lives how we want to. It's our choices that make us what we are, not anything inherent in our biology or any dimension of our physical being.
It's our character that determines who we are. All the rest of it is just there to try and temper us one way or the other. That's what I have to believe.