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James Buchanan Barnes ([info]onearmedbandit) wrote in [info]paradisolog,
@ 2016-06-06 13:03:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:~bucky barnes (onearmedbandit), ~jack harkness (capthardness), ~jordan parrish (ineededachange), ~steve rogers (topnotchfella)

WHO: Bucky Barnes & OTA (multiples welcome!)
WHAT: Bucky's on first watch having a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings
WHEN: Monday night, June 6th
WARNINGS: Language
STATUS: Complete



Bucky had felt rather strange about everything that'd happened lately. He'd gotten his chickens over the weekend which had been a good thing. Steve and him had decided to learn their personalities a bit before naming them and the chicks. He'd felt strange with Steve after being with Finnick. It was a real active secret and he'd not really kept them from Steve here. Not about things not in the past. It didn't sit well. Finding out about Chloe being pregnant only made him feel a bit worse about the whole thing. He definitely would have to end that part of things now, he wasn't a homewrecker.

Now, he was sitting on watch trying to sort out his mind. It was quiet tonight, the chickens were seemingly asleep thought he could hear them moving occasionally. He'd skipped the bonfire this week and he was mostly okay with that. Though now, he felt a bit lonely. He'd talked to the Eddie guy on the comms, maybe he'd stop by tonight and talk. He'd also not seen Jack around and he'd thought about him some more, about what they'd talked about. Maybe he would also be someone Bucky could trust. He had never thought he'd find himself trusting others after everything had happened but now, he wanted to, despite everything. There were other newcomers too, he'd seen about that he hadn't met yet.

Things seemed to change so quickly here, it was a bit dizzying.

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[info]ineededachange
2016-06-06 11:57 pm UTC (link)
Parrish was one such new arrival. He'd found himself on the island midday, and after wandering around for a good bit to get a feel for the land, he finally encountered another person. He lifted his chin and greeted the stranger with a warm smile.

He was wearing a white T-shirt and his uniform pants with hiking boots. He'd taken his deputy issue uniform shirt off, and had it tied around his waist. He was, for the most part, a friendly guy. He liked meeting new people, so he was greeting this stranger with a calm and casual presence. He was entirely relaxed. Everyone was here for the same reason, after all. They chose to be here.

And as the new guy, Parrish needed to be not just friendly, but open minded as well. He might need assistance sometime, so he wanted to make friends with as many people as he could. He'd start with this one. "Hello, friend," he said with a nod and a grin.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-07 12:45 am UTC (link)
Bucky was dressed in his jeans and one of his red plaid button down shirts with the top few buttons undone. He'd pulled his hair up into a very short ponytail though with his new hair ties, Thanks Arva, and he hadn't bothered with a glove over his metal hand and it shone in the firelight.

He was seated on one of his rough hewn log benches outside his rock shelter with the firepit close by. Currently, he had a plank between his knees and was working to carve out a notch in it with a wicked bowie knife. He looked up when he heard movement and saw someone he didn't recognize coming near.

Well, at least the guy was friendly. Bucky put the knife down by his side, but didn't let go of it. "Hello. I'm Bucky, are you new here?"

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[info]ineededachange
2016-06-07 02:10 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am." Parrish took a step closer. He was still a good distance away, but he was close enough to have a normal pitched conversation. He looked the guy over, and assessed he could probably handle himself in a fight, even with an artificial arm. Parrish didn't want to find out just how accurate that assessment was.

"Name's Parrish. Well, Jordan Parrish, but everybody calls me Parrish." Well, most everyone. There were a few people who insisted on using his given name, but most people called him Parrish. It was sort of left over from his military days, and he didn't mind.

"I just accepted the invitation to come here today, and now I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do next." He wasn't sure what he'd expected when he'd taken the invitation. He was happy to be here, he felt drawn to this place much the way he'd been drawn to beacon Hills. He just didn't quite know what to expect, now that he was here.

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[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-07 02:26 am UTC (link)
Bucky nodded. He gestured to one of the logs across from him. "Here, have a seat. I don't want to talk too loud, Steve is asleep inside our shelter." He smiled at the guy. Well, at least it wasn't another teenager. "It's nice to meet you Parrish." Bucky believed in calling people what they wanted to be called, he went by a nickname after all.

"Ah, so you don't even have a shelter assigned yet?" Bucky asked, surprised. Poor guy, it was late too. He didn't trust him to let him go inside theirs though. That was dangerous. "I know there are a few empty ones, once we're done talking I can wake up Steve then take you to show you." Bucky would hate to wake Steve, but he'd hate leaving him unguarded even more. Bucky'd rather be woken than to wake up alone, that was for certain.

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[info]ineededachange
2016-06-07 02:44 am UTC (link)
"No." Parrish frowned. "I haven't seen a single person until you," he said. Who was supposed to assign shelters? He had no idea if there was somewhere, like a welcome center, where he was supposed to go upon arrival. If so, he'd completely missed it.

On the one hand, he could certainly take care of himself. He had slept under the stars plenty of times, and while it wasn't his favorite way to spend the night, he wasn't too concerned about it. Even in this strange place. He had a feeling of peace about it, really. But damn, a shelter would be nice.

"You don't have to wake him up," Parrish said with a shake of his head. "I'll figure something out." And he would. He always did.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-07 03:15 am UTC (link)
"Huh. Usually they see more people. Sorry about that, I'm not exactly a good welcome wagon." Bucky gave Parrish a self deprecating smile. "I can at least show you where you can catch some shut eye though. In the morning, anyone can show you about the waterfall and tell you all the rules. Do you want some water? Or some food? I have some leftover fish that we made a couple hours ago. I could fry you an egg too." He gestured to his ultra fancy chicken coop that the gods had gifted him. "I have chickens now so we have a steady supply of our own eggs too."

Bucky felt like he needed to try to make the guy more comfortable. He'd never had to introduce a new person to the island, it felt a bit daunting. He didn't think he'd do as nice a job as Finnick had done for him. "Do you have questions?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ineededachange
2016-06-07 03:50 am UTC (link)
"I don't want to take your food, either," Parrish said. He'd figure something out. It wasn't like he couldn't hunt, or forage for edible berries and stuff. And fish. Yeah, he wasn't very good at that. But he could probably catch something. Not nearly enough to satisfy his appetite, but he was sure he could manage without taking Bucky's food.

But of course his stomach chose that moment to rumble. Because yes, he was hungry. He hadn't eaten for several hours. Fish wasn't his favorite thing ever, but it would do in a pinch. Eggs would be better. He didn't want to be greedy, or like he expected anything.

"I have so many questions I don't even know where to begin," he muttered. And that was true. he had no idea where to even start. "I mean, I guess...do we have to fish and hunt for food?"

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[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-07 04:16 am UTC (link)
"Well, I'm offering so you're not exactly taking. There is plenty of marine life and there is a flock of chickens with eggs for the whole group. It's fine to eat. I was starving when I finally made my way into camp too." Bucky got out their makeshift pan they'd made and put it over the fire and then went to get the fish from the tightly woven basket he'd made and stored on top of the water bucket.

He passed the guy a cup of water and the basket with three small fish that'd been cooked and seasoned with rosemary. "Here eat this while I make the eggs." That was going to be part of their breakfast, the fish, but they'd be fine. They could always eat a little more at the group meal. "Well, only if you want to. Steve and I we require extra food compared to normal humans, so we try to do extra for ourselves not to put any strain on the group. There are group meals during the day, that you can join, and get fed. If you like hunting, there is a bit of a rota where we all take turns. We use snares and bows. If you know how to fletch an arrow well I'd love some help with mine. I am learning to fletch it's not as easy as it looks." He smiled at Parrish.

Bucky shook the pan a bit to get the eggs to coat it. He'd normally put some herbs in but he didn't want to futz with any of that in his plant beds at night. "I spear fish too, if you want to try that I can give you one of my extra spears. It's not too bad. Finnick can teach you how to weave your own nets if that's more your speed. Most people eat at the communal meals."

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[info]ineededachange
2016-06-07 03:02 pm UTC (link)
"Why is that, if you don't mind me asking?" Parrish wasn't trying to be nosy. he was genuinely interested. because he was a hell hound, and he required a bit more than what a man his size should eat. He hung out with werewolves, and he was quite familiar with their appetites. But he lacked the ability to sniff someone out, he had no idea if someone was human or not just by meeting them.

He appreciated the offer of the food, and since Bucky insisted, he wasn't going to refuse. No, he'd attempted to decline, but Bucky had insisted. Parrish wasn't a fool. He wasn't going to decline a second time. He wanted to build bridges here, not burn them. Even if the guy wasn't entirely human. That wasn't a reason to reject him, or his friendship, out of hand. For one thing, it would be hypocritical since Parrish wasn't exactly human, himself.

And he was hungry. Very hungry.

"Unfortunately, I don't have any experience fletching," he added. "I'm willing to try, of course, But I don't know how good at it I'd be." He was willing to try, he'd do whatever it took to pitch in and help, that was just the kind of guy he was.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-07 04:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ineededachange, 2016-06-09 05:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 09:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]ineededachange, 2016-06-10 11:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-11 05:40 pm UTC

[info]topnotchfella
2016-06-08 04:35 am UTC (link)
This wasn’t the first time that Bucky was acting strangely. Steve had noticed it the first time about a week prior, but this time seemed different, more serious. It was disconcerting, to not know what was going on with his friend, to wonder what exactly it was that was bothering him. They used to share everything (well, mostly everything) and he’d sort of thought that they’d been getting back to something like that here. Steve didn’t want to be wrong, not about that.

But he’d waited for Bucky to just tell him and it hadn’t happened. He didn’t think he could wait anymore.

He’d never quit managed getting to sleep, had just stared up at the ceiling until it had gone completely dark in their shelter and then had given up. He grabbed the first shirt he could find (Bucky’s) and pulled it on before heading outside. Or, well, to the doorway anyway, which he leaned against, watching his friend in front of their little fire pit. “Chickens giving you any trouble?” he asked.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Steve & Bucky
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 04:51 am UTC (link)
Bucky looked up, startling a little. It wasn't that he was not paying attention necessarily, he'd come to expect Steve's footsteps apparently. That, and he'd been woolgathering in his own mind. "Nah, they're behaving so far. Though, Ginger is gonna have a mouth on her." There was a hen that was reddish colored who had four chicks, Bucky had taken a shine to her. She'd been the most prickly, and he'd felt a bit of a kinship. He'd named her Ginger in his mind so he was sharing it. Steve, had gotten the other hen, a black and white one with four chicks to name. God only knew what horror he'd thought up.

"I was thinking her chicks for now are A, B, C, and D, while I come up with appropriate names to fit their personalities." He gave Steve a smile. "Can't sleep or feeling lonely?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Steve & Bucky
[info]topnotchfella
2016-06-08 05:16 am UTC (link)
"Ginger's a good name," Steve said, smiling right back before moving away from the doorway in order to come sit down on the other little log bench. "I don't know why you'd bother labeling the chicks at all if you're just going to name them later, though."

His chicken, the black and white one, he'd sort of mentally named Dipper, if only because she looked a bit like a star-y sky. He wasn't super sure about it yet though, so didn't say so. The chicks had yet to be named, but he thought he might keep with the theme. Plus Louise. One of them had to have that name now, it was just a matter of pride.

"Bit of both, I guess," he murmured after a beat -- he'd been a bit distracted by the thought of the chickens, but felt more or less back on track with his original thoughts now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Steve & Bucky
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 05:39 am UTC (link)
"Glad you approve. Though you're right, maybe the chicks don't need a name. I might stick the the color palette though. Goldie, stuff like that." He grinned at Steve. "We'll have to wait till they're a little older and we see more of their coloring."

Bucky nodded on the sleeping bit. "I don't know how much I'll get tonight either. I got a lot on my mind. You too?" He'd had what he'd done with Finnick last week and Chloe's pregnancy on his mind a lot today. He wondered if he should tell Steve what he did? He'd not done it earlier, had slunk back home and they'd not talked about it Thursday night. Hadn't mentioned anything since, either.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Steve & Bucky
[info]topnotchfella
2016-06-08 05:46 am UTC (link)
"Let's just hope they're not all the same color, then. That'd make it harder." Steve smiled though, because Bucky's grin was infectious. Also, well. This was just so silly, in a way. He never thought he'd be building chicken coops and naming baby chicks with Bucky, not after everything.

He scratched at the back of his neck then, and wobbled his head back and forth. Here was his chance, he supposed. "I guess I--" he started, and then frowned. "You have seemed distracted lately. I just wanna know you're okay."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Steve & Bucky
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 05:50 am UTC (link)
"It might. But then you could help me out, with all your fancy color naming knowledge." He liked the way Steve looked when he smiled, it was attractive and also comforting at the same time. Bucky used to have to work so hard to get them out of him at certain times, and now they were starting to come more easily again. It was good to see.

That, was the question. Was he? "Well, I'm always okay," Bucky said, trying to joke about it. Unfortunately, that fell flat. He sighed, looking into the fire instead of at Steve. "I don't know, stuff happened and now I'm not sure how to feel about it."

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Steve & Bucky
[info]topnotchfella
2016-06-08 05:58 am UTC (link)
"Oh yeah. Ochre and Umber and Sepia are all great chicken names." Except, actually, now that he said it, Steve did think that was kind of cute.

Steve clearly didn't miss the way that Bucky wouldn't even look at him now that the subject was brought up -- and he really wasn't sure at all how to feel about that. Particularly not with such a vague answer. "Okay," he said, slow and uncertain. "Do you want to talk about it?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Steve & Bucky
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 01:03 pm UTC (link)
"They could be. Sunshine and Midnight are options too. I like the idea of colors or natural world names given the type of place we live now. Sepia is a pretty cute name." He smiled at Steve, glad that Steve was on board with him about the chickens. They'd had fun with them so far, socializing them. Ruby had already done a lot with the ones she was going to let keep their babies so they were continuing that.

"Hmm, want is a strong word. I don't really want to, but I might need to. I just... I'm afraid it'll change how we are, how you see me, and I don't want that to happen." Bucky glanced at Steve then back to the fire again. "I really like us living together here, our life we're building like this. It's the best I've felt about anything since before the War, safe and like my work here matters. I'm building things not destroying them. It's... I'm worried about losing that with you."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-08 06:01 pm UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-08 07:07 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 12:46 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 12:59 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 02:37 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 02:40 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 02:45 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 02:53 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 03:49 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 03:58 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 04:55 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 12:01 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 04:54 pm UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 04:59 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-09 05:09 pm UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 05:13 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-10 05:30 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-10 05:37 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-10 05:44 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-10 03:03 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-12 03:39 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-12 12:27 pm UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-14 03:14 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-14 03:19 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-14 03:31 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-14 03:33 am UTC
Steve & Bucky - [info]topnotchfella, 2016-06-14 03:40 am UTC
Re: Steve & Bucky - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-14 03:42 am UTC

[info]capthardness
2016-06-08 08:02 pm UTC (link)
Jack wasn't that worried about Chloe's announcement. Sure, there was always the possibility it could change his relationship with her or Finnick but he wasn't too worried about that overall--as much as he was well aware those sorts of things could go pearshaped in virtually an instant, Finnick didn't have Miles' edge of paranoia from the start, so he was trusting they'd keep communication open and no one would get hurt. He'd bow out of that part of their lives if either one of them asked without a problem, although he hoped Chloe at least would still ask him to dance once in awhile.

He might have been thinking, while working on the roof of his newly expanded shelter, about the fact he was pretty sure they were the first ones not planning to give the kid to Arva. Like he'd rather quietly said he'd do, if and when it came to that, back when Jemma had been here asking for people's feedback on monogamy and childrearing. But he was pretty pointedly not letting himself think about that, or the fact he knew there was a part of him that had accepted Arva's offer not just for the chance at sleeping with anything that said yes without judgment, but to do something about that old itch that had prompted him to buy so many houses like Jackson Leaves just to sell them on when the reality that he couldn't have that kind of life hit him in the head again.

Nope, he absolutely wasn't even in the back of his mind thinking about that as he walked tonight, maybe with a little more purpose than other nights. After all, he knew where quite a few folks were staying now, and a few more besides who hopefully wouldn't be upset to see him at their door. And it was pretty easy to smile without forcing it overmuch when he came within sight of where Bucky was staying.

"Hey there," he said, warmly. "Mind some company?"

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Bucky & Jack
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 08:36 pm UTC (link)
Bucky had watched as he heard someone coming near and offered a small smile to Jack when he saw him. "Hey," he said, and gestured to the other chair with the knife he was using to work on getting a plank ready to be part of their new fence for Abby's goats. "Have a seat. Company is usually welcome here." He felt especially so tonight. A distraction from his thoughts would be most welcome and he was glad to see Jack. It was nice to talk to someone who had similar memories of a time period no one else here but Steve shared with him.

"Want any water or food?" He actually had things to offer now, it was nice. "What has you out and about tonight?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Bucky & Jack
[info]capthardness
2016-06-08 09:13 pm UTC (link)
Even if the back of his mind was whiriling with thoughts of the future Jack couldn't really let himself hope for yet, he was feeling noteably lighter than the first time he'd met Bucky; Gray would always be there, but right now he was with the people in the photographs under his bed, staying for a night when he could let himself indulge in being melancholy. So he wasn't faking it so much as he shook his head with a sparkling smile.

"I'm good, thanks though," he shrugged as he sat, posture a little bit more relaxed than when they'd last run into each other, eyes a little brighter. "Just needed to stretch my legs. Funny thing, I thought I was looking forward to having the luxury of occasionally sitting back once in awhile without keeping one eye peeled for disaster, but now that I've got it I can't seem to really sit by myself for more than a couple hours before I need to get out again." He didn't have to ask what Bucky was doing; he knew the look of keeping watch, even if for the last few decades he'd been doing it at computer monitors more than watching the world properly.

"So, uh--" he gestured vaguely to the coop with a half smirk. "You kept chickens before? Because, personally, I've been watching a pterandon for the last year and a bit back in Cardiff and I still wouldn't have a clue with those things." It was second nature to set in to things like that, the outlandish-but-true and mostly fun part of his life, to keep anything deeper undercover.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Bucky & Jack
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-08 10:13 pm UTC (link)
It was nice to see Jack appearing genuinely happy. Bucky wished he could share of that genuine happiness himself. At the moment he felt rather down but hopefully that'd change soon. He smiled at Jack's words, he could understand that sentiment.

"It is strange after being on the run for so long to be in one place and not be constantly looking over my shoulder. Good though, I've actually stopped being quite as paranoid as I was when I arrived." Not relaxed enough to consider not keeping watch, but at least relaxed enough to not look over his shoulder and watch their back every moment either.

"No. But Ruby and Abby helped me figure out what to do. The gods sent us the coop, isn't it fantastic?" He smiled a real smile at that. "It's rather deluxe. Steve and I have two hens, the red one and her four chicks are mine and the black speckled and her four chicks are Steve's and they are our pets. We're naming them and everything. I think mine is going to be Ginger but not sure what her chicks names will be. We gather their eggs but nothing else." He had no intention of eating their friends here. "Abby wants to get some goats so we are gong to build a fence between her shelter and ours to put them in. She said they'd help keep watch over the coop too."

Then he frowned as he processed what Jack said. "A... pterandon? Like... a dinosaur? What?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Bucky & Jack
[info]capthardness
2016-06-08 11:08 pm UTC (link)
Jack nodded, "Yeah, I feel you there. I've mostly stopped expecting it to be a bloodthirsty alien when I hear something rustling around outside. Think that might be part of why Arva takes the bite out of any weapons we might have coming in for a bit, so folks like us don't cause trouble we don't need to. Can't tell who I might've accidentally shot if my Webley had been in working order those first couple nights." He hated admitting in a fashion that the paraonia had been worse, some nights, since what had happened with Gray--bringing back the memories of the attack on his home.

Jack nodded along with a soft smile, "Well, good luck with it. I could take care of 'em if the had scales or came from another planet, but Earth domestic livestock is stil totally foreign to me. My failing there, sticking to big cities for the whole century, except when I had to pull out for work. Never knew what to do with myself in the country if I wasn't hunting something. Seems like you're feeling pretty comfortable with it, though." And happier; Jack didn't miss that. He knew how sometimes just having something small that was yours helped; as much as he hadn't asked for the responsibility of Torchwood 3, the office London looked down its nose at even before he changed things, it had made it a little easier to live with what he was, making that place home.

Then he laughed not surprised by the reaction to his mention of Myfanwy. "Yep, a dinosaur. Teammate and I," he hated reducing Ianto to that, he had been so much more, but he didn't want to make it sound like he'd run off on another lover. Which he had. "We captured her. She fell through something we've got called the Rift, tear in the skin of spacetime that lets stuff from all over come through. She'd been terrorizing some local livestock, and if we hadn't captured her she would've gotten herself or some human killed pretty soon," he shrugged. "Would've got her back to her own time if I could, but the Rift doesn't like it when people mess with it, so we just got her trained to eat only what we gave her. I'd say the dinosaur shouldn't throw folks, since we talk to gods, but the gods are still throwing me a little bit. Never thought I'd be trusting anyone saying they were a deity before."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Bucky & Jack
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-09 12:08 am UTC (link)
"That was terrifying, not having my weapons. Finnick gave me an ax my first day here, it made me feel so much better." Normally Bucky smiled talking about Finnick but now he felt so conflicted he didn't muster his normal enthusiasm. "I'd probably had went crazy without a weapon the first week, or well, crazier than I was." He gave Jack a grim smile. "I at least feel a lot better now than I did then."

"I grew up in New York City so I didn't learn much about animal care, but I've really enjoyed it here. I've been helping Ruby with the animals and now we have our chickens and we'll have Abby's goats next door. It's really nice. Having things...living things that I'm contributing to? You know what I mean?" He thought Jack might get it, how taking care of animals and contributing to good things mattered a hell of a lot when you mostly had bad associations with things. When you'd been involved in mostly killing and destruction for a long time, when you'd not had anything to call yours in so long.

"A tear in the skin of spacetime? That's... you're really pulling my leg this time, Jack. I know you like stories but really, a dinosaur and a rift in spacetime?" Bucky was smiling and chuckling but he really couldn't believe that. "And I know what you mean, god never did nothing for me back home in church so this is the first time I wanted to really believe." He'd decided he didn't believe in god anymore back on Brooklyn when he'd realized he'd be damned to hell for how he felt about Steve. He'd not been willing to accept that, not when he believed God had made him exactly as he was, so it was stupid to damn him for feelings he'd been given.

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Bucky & Jack
[info]capthardness
2016-06-09 03:44 am UTC (link)
"Yeah, I felt a little better with the ax, but when you're used to packing heat that could--literally--cook whatever you're shooting at, kinda pales in comparison." He hated admitting he missed the armory, but it had been just as wondrous as it was deadly. And for all the jokes Suzie and Gwen had both thrown around about him 'overcompensating', they really had made him feel a bit less vulnerable. Not for himself, not after Satellite Five, but for those under his protection. He was handy with a spear, sure enough, but it didn't feel like enough to take down the things his nightmares were full of. "Guess that's one more thing we've just gotta hope'll get better with time."

Jack nodded as Bucky talked about caring for the animals, "Can't quite say I relate, closest I got was taking care of the hothouse back home after…after the guy who'd been in charge of it before left, but--yeah. I don't...regret what I was doing back home, most the time. Okay, fifty percent of the time," he smile was a little bitter, as he thought about what Torchwood had made him do, the innocents given for the entire world. "It's been good to be building something that isn't centered around a war, even if I did believe in all of 'em."

The bitter taste of those memories went away quickly enough, and he grinned widely. "I'd cross my heart and all that, but even if something did strike me dead I'd be back soon enough. I think. Haven't tested it here, don't really want to." It was almost bizarre, realizing he hadn't faced that darkness in nearly three months. "Her name's Myfanwy, and she likes dark chocolate. She saved some folks a few times things got into our base. Like to think that means she wouldn't consider us dinner even if we were doused in her special sauce," He cleared his throat a little. "That was my job. Guarding the Rift, making sure whatever came through didn't hurt humanity. You wouldn't expect aliens to be so keen on causing havoc in Wales, but hoo boy," he shook his head, "There's a reason I consider construction a break."

He felt the smallest ache in his chest at the mention of God. "Yeah, I….went through some stuff as a boy, made it pretty difficult to believe any all-powerful thing was hanging around, at least a benevolent one. And the stuff I saw on Earth didn't help that." He hesitated for a moment, knowing probably a good part of Bucky's lack of belief wasn't just from the Wars that would have surrounded his chunk of time. "Had a couple lovers--not just the men, though them more than the women--who….would get out their rosaries, when we were done and they thought I was asleep. I can't blame anyone for whatever gets 'em through the day, but I can't say I was a huge fan of a god who was trying to make people feel that bad about something everyone had been enjoying pretty thoroughly an hour before." Maybe that was why he still had some hesitation in accepting Arva's true divinity, at least in part. Every other 'god' humanity had brought into being had, in some fashion, tried to make them change who they were. He couldn't think of any belief system he'd come across that had told people so purely that who they were, as long as it wasn't hurting another being, was acceptable. He wasn't unhappy about that, far from it, but it was still hard for him to believe there wasn't going to be a catch somewhere along the line. But if it was helping people like Bucky, even a little, he'd probably be willing to take the price.

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Bucky & Jack
[info]onearmedbandit
2016-06-09 04:15 am UTC (link)
"I don't want to have that kind of firepower again. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again." Bucky shuddered, he felt very strongly about that. "I just wanted something to defend myself with," he had his arm, an he was actually clenching his metal fist unconsciously at the moment, but still, a weapon felt safer. "I feel like, I'm getting better. Over time. I've actually trusted a couple people, that's...I didn't think that was possible. So that's real progress."

Bucky nodded. "Exactly. Something constructive and good. I think Steve and I both needed that a bit. He was very excited about our chickens too." Maybe Abby did too with her goat idea.

"Mwah--?" Bucky shook his head. "You say the craziest stuff and appear so sincere." He'd forgotten about the not dying thing, that Jack had told him before. That was so disturbing he still felt bad for the guy about that. "Guarding something like that sounds very hazardous. If all sorts of possible objects and creatures can come through. I can see why you'd be very paranoid after doing that for years."

The rosary comment hit him hard. He nodded, and looked at the fire, eyes far away. "I did that, the first time. But after that... I felt like... god made me this way, gave me these feelings, how was I supposed to be punished for it?" He shook his head. "Then, going to war, well anything I still believed in was gone after that." He knew Jack would understand that entirely. Not many men kept their faith after being a POW, though some clung to it. Again, whatever got you through. Bucky wasn't really one to judge too much. Especially now.

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Bucky & Jack - [info]capthardness, 2016-06-09 05:02 am UTC
Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 04:29 pm UTC
Bucky & Jack - [info]capthardness, 2016-06-09 08:58 pm UTC
Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-09 09:18 pm UTC
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Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-10 04:15 am UTC
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Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-10 05:18 pm UTC
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Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-10 09:01 pm UTC
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Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-11 05:46 pm UTC
Bucky & Jack - [info]capthardness, 2016-06-11 09:48 pm UTC
Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-11 10:24 pm UTC
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Bucky & Jack - [info]onearmedbandit, 2016-06-12 12:18 pm UTC

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