InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Your father was a hamster"

Malia Tate | Teen Wolf (wantsherfurcoat) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-25 12:23:00

Entry tags:

~isaac lahey (theprettybeta), ~malia tate (wantsherfurcoat)

WHO: Malia Tate and Isaac Lahey
WHAT: Anger, sadness, and feels
WHEN: This morning
WHERE: Isaac's shelter
WARNINGS: TBD
STATUS: Closed/Ongoing

When Malia had said she wanted to go home, that hadn't been pique or drama. She wanted to go home. She'd come here because she wanted to do good things, she wanted to make friends, and she wanted to be the start of something beautiful and new. None of that had happened. Instead, she was pregnant and an utter pariah. Everyone hated her. Or at least, it felt that way. She thought she was doing what everyone wanted when she disappeared into the woods this morning, but she'd been very, very wrong. It was just one more thing to add to a big list of fuck-ups. And her list of them was getting very, very impressive.

She hadn't expected Isaac to get so angry, but now that she thought about it, she understood why he had. Another fuck up. He was going to yell at her, and it was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever done not to yell back and escalate the fight. Her pride wanted her to do just that, to pick at his weak points and bring him down with her.

But that...wasn't the person she wanted to be. And he was right. She was the one in the wrong. She'd wronged him when she'd meant to do the opposite and if yelling at her made him feel better, then she needed to take it. She would take it.

So she sat on the bed, pulling one leg under her and running her hand over the quilt, anything to distract her troubled mind even a little. Malia had always had confidence. She'd always liked herself. But now...well, she didn't. She'd caused a huge mess and an even bigger one when she'd tried to fix it. This conversation with Isaac wasn't even going to be close to pleasant.

With a tired sigh, she brushed her hair out of her face, and waited for him to arrive.

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theprettybeta
2016-04-25 05:36 pm UTC (link)

Isaac wanted to rip Derek's goddamn throat out when he told him to take a walk, and it was for that reason exactly that Isaac knew he had to. He knew that he had to take space, because he was finally tipping over that deep end, that part of himself that he was so afraid of uncovering his entire anchor revolved around keeping it at bay. He replayed his own words in his mind and he realized who he had become in that moment. He had become his father. He sounded just like his father. And Derek saw that.

He was still pretty damn furious when he got back to the shelter but he was nowhere near the level or anger he had been when he first learned that Malia had tried to disappear on him. He barely let her out of his sights and the one night he went somewhere she took the opportunity to run, and he was just tired. He was so tired.

She was sitting on the bed when he arrived and seeing her just made his temper spike again, but Isaac took a deep breath to calm himself, inhaling through his nose before holding it and exhaling all at once. He stood in the doorway.

"...You left."

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	wantsherfurcoat 2016-04-25 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	Malia could smell the anger - no, the fury - coming off of Isaac, and she closed her eyes. She had no right to get mad. She had no right to be upset at all. She'd been in the wrong and she was going to be a big girl and own up to what she'd done. So she didn't look at him, she just kept her eyes closed and downcast. "Yes, I left." What else could she say? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

theprettybeta
2016-04-27 02:34 am UTC (link)

He had to take another deep breath because Isaac felt like he was so close to the edge, so close to snapping and slipping into that person he was always afraid he would become, always afraid he would pass on to the baby, and that was everything he had fought against since he was a child. He hated that part of himself. It put the fear of god into him.

So it took him a few seconds to speak again, but it was because he was trying to keep himself civil. "Why don't you think about how your actions are ever going to effect me?" It was an unfair question, and in that moment Isaac didn't see that. "I always try to think about how you're feeling when I have to talk to you about something that you do. Why do you never think about how I'm going to feel? About how you make me feel?"

He asked it rhetorically, either because he didn't think she had a response or he didn't want one, he wasn't sure which. His fingers pushed their way through his curls, and he couldn't look at her, instead staring at the ground. "What now?" He finally pressed forward. "How am I supposed to ever trust you again after something like this? What do we do now?"

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wantsherfurcoat
2016-04-27 02:41 am UTC (link)

Malia couldn't look at him, either, because she was sure if she did, she'd start crying. And she didn't want to cry. She couldn't show her weakness, it would get her killed. So she steeled her jaw and kept her face turned from him.

How could she answer his questions? She couldn't. Other than that she thought she was~/I> thinking of him. After all, she'd left him the shelter and the bed so that he would be comfortable.

She just shook her head, crossing her arms over her tummy.

"I guess you cant," she said, her voice very small.

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theprettybeta
2016-04-27 03:38 am UTC (link)

The sound of her voice pulled Isaac a little closer to earth, and he found himself finally looking at her and the way she tried to make herself look smaller on the bed. Isaac knew that Malia hadn't purposefully tried to hurt him, and he knew that she never would, and that was what made this hard. Maybe she couldn't control it. Maybe she couldn't draw that line between right and wrong, maybe she lost herself in those moments and the way she made Isaac feel was just a byproduct of that. She didn't mean to hurt him. She just couldn't help it sometimes.

Isaac scrubbed his hands over his face, exhausted, and he slowly moved over to the bed before sitting beside her and placing his head in his hands. He was tired. He was tired of being angry, he was tired of fighting and he was tired of trying to fix everything all the time. On top of that, he was just physically tired, and it wasn't worth it. Being upset wasn't worth it.

He sat up straight, his eyes closed, and after a second he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to slowly pull her into his side and give her a little squeeze of a hug. "We'll figure it out," he managed, spent and a little weak. "...Never do that again, okay?"

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wantsherfurcoat
2016-04-28 02:31 am UTC (link)

Malia was tired, too. Tired of being wrong. Tired of being unable to open her mouth without hurting or offending someone. Tired of being sick. Tired of feeling like nothing she did was ever good enough. Tired of being alone, of having nobody to turn to. She'd slept with a lot of guys here, yeah, but in the end, nobody cared about her. Not really. Nobody.

None of them knew what it was like to be that alone. And worse, none of them cared. She didn't act the way they wanted her to (partially because she didn't know how). When Isaac put an arm around her, she tensed uncomfortably, and shrugged a little, although whether in response to his words or trying to shrug his arm off...it was hard to tell.

"I should sleep."

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theprettybeta
2016-04-28 03:49 am UTC (link)

Isaac looked over at Malia in surprise when she tried to shrug him off and he blinked once before letting his arm fall away, giving a huff of disbelief when she responded with a simple request to rest. She couldn't even tell him that she wouldn't run away again with the baby. He stared at her for another few seconds, as if giving her a chance to continue, but when she didn't he shook his head and he stood before wetting his lips and running a hand down his face once more.

"Alright," he responded simply. There was no point in arguing with her. Isaac knew that there was a difference between someone who was being purposefully obtuse and someone who truly didn't understand how to adjust. Most of the time, Malia was the second one. But sometimes she was the first, because although he understood that she had gone through life alone, Isaac had gone through life a victim. He didn't get to be alone. He never got to experience peace and quiet, it took a lot of work for him to even be able to be around other people without flinching every time they lifted a hand, but he did it because he tried. Sometimes it felt like Malia didn't even want to try.

"I'm going to go out and find you more ginger, alright?" His voice was calm and diplomatic as he bent down to pull his shoes back on. "Try to get some sleep. I'll see you when you wake up, I'll be here."

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wantsherfurcoat
2016-04-29 02:18 am UTC (link)

Malia knew that she was being horrible. She could feel it in every bit of her, and she hated it. She didn't want to be like this. She didn't want to fight with Isaac. But she was tired and sick and everything hurt, and...well, everything had just fallen apart lately, and she didn't know how to fix it.

She found herself wanting to apologize for her actions. She wanted to tell him that she didn't mean it, that she was sorry. But she couldn't make the words come, which only made her hate herself more.

"I - okay." She lowered her voice to a whisper that would have been inaudible to a human. "Thank you."

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