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Lydia Martin personifies ([info]eunoia) wrote in [info]paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-25 04:22:00

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Entry tags:~isaac lahey (theprettybeta), ~lydia martin (eunoia)

WHO: Lydia Martin and Isaac Lahey
WHERE: Lydia's old shelter
WHEN: Late Sunday night into early Monday morning
WHAT: Isaac's turn to talk and Lydia's turn to listen and be supportive.
WARNINGS: Angst?
STATUS: Closed, Complete

Peel the scars from off my back. I don't need them anymore.



Lydia felt selfish. She had been feeling selfish, but now she felt especially so, because even though Stiles had surprised her with a picnic that afternoon — which had been lovely and thoughtful and had, admittedly, earned him more than a few brownie points — her biggest complaint about her partner in this endeavor was that she didn't feel emotionally supported. Yes, he was with her holding back her hair for the first round of her morning sickness while he was awake. Yes, he stayed close with her at night so that she felt safe and not alone. But when it came to making her feel good inside, like she hadn't made a terrible decision by subjecting her body to all of these rapid changes that were making her miserable, it seemed like all he could ever do was ask her how to fix it. She didn't know. If she did, she wouldn't need him to do it.

But Isaac had unexpectedly unleashed a torrent of complaints that she wasn't surprised that he had so much as she was surprised that it had actually gotten that bad. She hadn't realized just how much he'd been bottling up and the man had the patience of a saint, but every dam has to break at some point...and Isaac seemed to have hit that breaking point. He said that he'd taken Darcy's bed from her shelter, since she'd gone home and didn't need it anymore, and had moved it to her old shelter that Reese had built for her. He wanted to meet her there and for all the times that he'd jumped to be there for her when she needed to talk, it was absolutely her turn and she wasn't going to disappoint him.

Stiles was sleeping so she was careful not to wake him getting up — something she had learned she was actually very good at if she wanted to vomit in privacy in the middle of the night — and she crept out of the shelter to keep from rousing him when he looked so peaceful sleeping. She was putting him through a lot, she knew that. For every ounce of frustration she had that she didn't think he was doing a good enough job from her perspective, he had to have the same amount of frustration that she was being a nightmare to put up with from his. She knew that it had to be just as exhausting emotionally to be on the receiving end of rant after rant, having to stay up late at night and listen to your friend throwing up for an hour and change every single night; it had to be exhausting for him to feel like he was caught in the middle of whatever stick was still up Scott's ass about her and the fact that she was stubborn and unwilling to forgive. She knew that Stiles was going through just as much turmoil because of her as she was going through because of him, so...the least she could do was let him sleep. She could resent him for not doing enough to help her through this pregnancy emotionally all she wanted, but she couldn't pretend that she wasn't victimizing him probably just as much in a different way. He could sleep. She could be quiet.

She made her way through the jungle still close to camp until she made it to the old shelter and she let herself inside it, climbing onto the bed and sitting, legs folded beneath herself Indian style as she waited for Isaac. It was late enough at night that she thought her morning sickness was probably done for the night, so it would be okay that she was here; she wouldn't have to interrupt the conversation he clearly needed to have to get off his chest to get up and run outside. So, feeling content with the fact that she was feeling better physically — if exhausted — finally, she waited for Isaac to come.

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 10:05 am UTC (link)
The way that she had moved in bed to lie beside him was unexpected although, in retrospect, he supposed it really shouldn't have been. Lydia shifted beside him and although he reassurance wasn't necessary, he still appreciated it because sometimes he did need to hear that. He wasn't a bad person, Malia just expected the worst out of him and for the life of him he didn't understand why. "I just don't get it," he confessed weakly, his head turning to face her again, and he felt that strange flutter in his chest when she took his hand, her fingers twining between his own in a gentle grasp. It shouldn't have felt this natural. Lying beside Lydia, speaking to her about the things that bothered him the most, opening up so he didn't have to yell angrily at someone who he really shouldn't be yelling at... she made it so easy. She made it so comfortable.

The last time Isaac spoke so openly and stayed so close to someone was Allison, it had been years, and he squeezed Lydia's hand a little as he shook his head. "I shouldn't have done this," he finally admitted aloud, and it looked like it pained him physically to say it. "I shouldn't have done this, I should have told her to wait. Adjust more to being around people first, don't jump into getting pregnant while you're still trying to get used to being around other people, I should have told her to wait. I just wanted to be a part of this, and I trusted her. I really thought that-" what? Isaac didn't know what he was thinking. He thought that she knew what she wanted. He thought that she really had the faith in him that she needed to instead of doubting him every turn, despite how much he tore himself apart to prove himself to her. He thought that she would be honest with him, but she was giving him a different story every day and now he didn't know what to believe or what direction to go in. "I really thought that her and I would be a team. I thought that she was going to really, really try."

Lydia moved forward and Isaac knew what she was doing, but that didn't mean he didn't feel his body warm a little when she got so close. He turned his head to look at her, the sound of her heart pounding rhythmically in his ears, and he couldn't help but smile slightly when he heard the second heartbeat as well. Before he could really think about it Isaac lifted her hand in his own, bringing it to his lips to kiss the back of it. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "I know that this is the last thing you want to deal with right now. I sound like an asshole."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 10:19 am UTC (link)
Lydia took a deep breath and sighed it out again. She didn't get it either. She didn't get a lot of things in this place. How time displacement worked, why her friends were acting like strangers; why the hell Arva insisted on bringing Beacon Hills resident after Beacon Hills resident into this paradise when she knew that the goddess had to see that the dysfunctional former pack was nothing more than a thorn in the collective side of the rest of the community.

"That's not fair," she countered, her eyes focusing on his. "You can't do that, that's not fair. It wasn't your job to decide whether or not she was ready, she should have been responsible for that. And you had no way of knowing that she was going to end up so—" Lydia stopped short. Crazy, was the word that came to mind and it felt mean, so she didn't want to say it. "—difficult," she finished after the little hiccup. She understood some part of Isaac's frustration. She had thought that she and Stiles would've made a good team and that he would've been all too pleased to jump into the role. Instead, she was largely going it alone. Isaac asked after her more than Stiles ever did and he seemed to think that his mere presence in the shelter with her was enough. She couldn't seem to make herself come out and tell him that it wasn't, so she went with passive responses, putting him off. She hadn't had sex with Stiles since the morning they got the bed. She made no advances at him, she wasn't even interested. She didn't initiate conversations; she didn't curl into his side anymore when they slept. They simply existed in the same space. She'd pictured something so much different. So, on that front, she understood where Isaac's feelings were originating: disappointment where there shouldn't be any. "I know the feeling," she whispered, the words honest but still making her feel guilty and ungrateful when the reality was that she wasn't ungrateful at all. She thanked Stiles for every little thing...however few and far between those things were. But when she showed him gratitude, it was genuine. From the way Isaac had been talking lately, he wasn't even getting that much from Malia.

Seeing the little smile ghost over his expression, Lydia felt a little bit of accomplishment. So the heartbeats had worked. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it, a gesture that felt so much more intimate than she was sure he meant for it to be. "You do not sound like an asshole," she promised. "You sound like a man at the end of his rope begging for a helping hand. I only feel bad that I'm not a very good one, because I can't fix any of it. All I can do is listen to you vent," she apologized in response.

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 10:36 am UTC (link)
"I don't need you to fix it," he promised, his face softening a little as he looked down at her. This was nice. He couldn't help but think that this was nice, and being there with her calmed him in a way that he hadn't necessarily expected when she asked him if she could see him. That was something that he hadn't forgotten; this was Lydia's request, originally. Apparently she needed to get away just as much as he did, and although she was comforting him about feeling awful for even being there and saying what he was saying, it didn't help the fact that he was talking her ear off about a problem he knew there was no solution for. "No one can fix it. Only she can fix it, but I don't really know if she wants to anymore." He couldn't help but shrug one of his shoulders at the sheer irony of it. "It's funny because ever since this started she always spoke to me like she didn't believe me. Or that she was doubting me, or she didn't trust me and this... yeah. This is the first time I've actually thought that maybe she's the one that's not being honest with me."

He knew that she could relate to him, and that broke his heart. Isaac knew that Stiles cared about Lydia, he knew that Lydia was his first priority, but Isaac also knew that he couldn't tell her that. Stiles had to. Just as Lydia couldn't tell him that Malia was going to get better. She would have to show it. He sighed, reaching out for her, and Isaac let go of her hand so he could instead tuck his arm beneath Lydia and pull her into his chest. He needed her right now. And she had asked for him. He doubted it was so he could rant at her. "You're stressed enough as it is, you don't need this. ...There's nothing I can do about it." He said it with such defeat, as if he was just realizing it in that moment, and Isaac let his chin rest on the top of her head. "I just have to hope that she's going to wake up one morning and instead of changing her mind on who she wants to be that day, she can decide that she wants to actually apply the stuff that she already knows to every day situations. If she wants to bother trying that, at least."

He fell silent, and Isaac let himself indulge in what it felt like to hold her, in the quiet, in a bed, and she felt so comfortably in his arms that he had to purposefully not think about it. "You looked good, today," he muttered after a few beats of her heart. "We need to find you sunscreen. Your nose is pink."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 10:59 am UTC (link)
It was upsetting to be told that she couldn't fix it because she knew how hard that Isaac worked to help her feel better with the bumps along the road in front of her and it was frustrating not to be able to reciprocate that assistance to him. She frowned as he spoke. "I don't understand that, I honestly don't. I mean why she would doubt you even for a second, look at you, you bend over backwards every single day. I don't get it. I just don't get it," she sighed.

Isaac pulled her into his arms and she nestled her head in the crook where his shoulder met his neck, closing her eyes in a slow blink as she felt him tucking her head beneath his chin. It felt a lot nicer than it had any right to, she found herself thinking and the pondering took up so much space in her head that she actually missed some of what Isaac had said. She knew he was talking because she felt the vibration of his voice reverberating through her because of the close proximity, but she hadn't actually registered some of the words. Given the content of the discussion, though, she thought it best not to ask him to repeat it; he was upset enough as it was.

Lydia had actually forgotten that she had been the one to invite him out because she wanted to see him, and she supposed the reason she forgot was exactly that: she wanted to see him. She wanted to be alone with Isaac. Being alone with Isaac was something Lydia associated with peace and relaxation. Of safety and comfort. Of affection she didn't deserve or earn and that she had no place taking from him.

When he spoke up again, Lydia smiled a little. "I have sunscreen actually, " she admitted. "I just got out of the habit of putting it on because of the rain; I forgot, today," she confessed, tilting her head up to look at him, the reflexive need to be looking someone in the eye when talking to them too great to ignore at that moment. Except that when she felt him move to look back at her and she actually met his eyes, she realized just how close they were. For the millionth time in the past twenty-four hours, her stomach flip-flopped again. Lydia continued to ignore it with increasing difficulty. "I'll remember tomorrow."

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 11:22 am UTC (link)
"I'm not giving her what she's looking for." It was as simple as that, to him. If Isaac was doing what Malia needed him to do then she wouldn't feel the need to change her mind so often. She was looking for something specific and perhaps she didn't know what that was, but it was his job to figure it out and he was obviously doing terribly at it. "It doesn't matter what I'm doing if I'm not doing the right thing. She's not happy. She doesn't trust me. She's always acting like I'm trying to get away from her. Whatever it is that she needs, I'm obviously not providing it. I just don't know what else to try. She told me that she didn't want me to hover over her as much as I do. A day later she's threatening to kill people."

He felt her shift, and Isaac regretted looking down at her almost as soon as he had done it. She was so close to him that he could see each individual lash of her eyes - hazel, like he had realized before - and his own gaze flickered down to her mouth before he could even think about stopping it. He caught himself too late, dragging his vision to her pink nose and then back to her eyes, and for a second Isaac was left without words as his brain screamed at him to move back. He was too close. He was way too close to her, and it shouldn't have been a problem to be this close but it was, and Isaac felt an undeniable twist of guilt in his gut when he realized that all he wanted to do was close the rest of the space between them. He couldn't do that. She was Lydia. This was Lydia.

"Good... you should be more careful," he forced out, his voice a bit drier and raspier than usual, and for a split second he had lost himself. For just a moment, Isaac leaned in, as if to chase her lips before forcing himself to stop short, realizing exactly what he was attempting and sending himself into a minor panic because what was he even thinking? He had been angry, furious enough to shake, but when he was around Lydia she managed to ease that in him and he let it get the better of him. He was being reckless, and yet he couldn't convince himself to pull away from her and gain more space to pad the mere inches that separated them. He was staring at her, and his gaze dropped once more to her mouth, his arm tightening around her waist.

"...We don't want you um... yeah." He realized he didn't finish. "Getting burned."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 11:34 am UTC (link)
"Well how can you?" Lydia asked. "She doesn't know what she's looking for." At least, if she changed her mind as often as Isaac said and he wasn't exaggerating because he was frustrated, then there was no way Malia knew what she wanted, so if she didn't know, then how in the hell was Isaac supposed to meet the expectation? She wished that she knew what to tell him, she really did, but she had no idea. It was more than likely all the hormones raging through the poor girl, God knew Lydia could identify on some level with that wishy-washy inability to decide, except when Lydia felt it, it was usually surrounding whether she was tired or awake, hungry or nauseated, happy or sad. Her extremes were nothing compared to a girl who was already at the disadvantage of not having to feel human emotion for the better part of her life and through many of her formative years.

The movement was subtle and almost imperceptible, but she saw it anyway. Her heart started to race and her stomach tied itself in knots. There were a million reasons why she should put more space between them and not a single one why she shouldn't. Except...

Except that she didn't want to.

Lydia didn't want to put more space between them and she felt a sudden twist of disappointment when her brain caught up with her eyes and she realized. He almost kissed her. ...and a part of her wanted him to.

It felt like time stopped and the world must have ceased to turn. He was staring at her mouth and she realized a few seconds too late that she was mirroring the behavior before she shifted her eyes back up.

We can't do this.

You were upset and now you're calm, that's all it is.

It's my pregnancy hormones, that's all it is.

Things she should have said. All that actually came out when she tried to speak instead, though, was, "Isaac..."

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 11:48 am UTC (link)
Everything about this situation was wrong. Isaac shouldn't have been this close to Lydia, because she was Lydia Martin and she was Allison Argent's best friend. She was Lydia Martin and she was way out of his league, she could have done so much better than some curly haired bag of insecurities with limited redemption. She was pregnant, and she felt vulnerable with the way things had been going with Stiles. Her body was coursing with hormones that made her feel things she didn't want to feel, and he was emotional, in need of comfort and touch.

Isaac knew enough to know that he shouldn't close the space between them, and that the way she was looking at his mouth had nothing to do with what she actually wanted. He knew enough to know that the way she said his name was a request for space, it must have been, and not an invitation. The only problem was that Isaac didn't know how to convince himself any of that was true.

It hit him with a rush, that bold confidence that he needed to tighten his arm around her waist, and her name barely managed to leave his lips before he did it, throwing everything that he knew he should do out the window and just doing what he wanted. The kiss wasn't chaste. It came with no hesitation, because if he was going to do it, and if she was going to push him away, he wanted to make it count. A hand moved to the side of her face as he dragged her into him, holding her tightly, and her lips were just as soft as he thought they would be. His heart was pounding, because he knew that this wasn't right, and yet he couldn't stop himself. He needed her. Isaac needed her in a way he hadn't needed someone in a very long time, and it made him as weak as it made him terrified.

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 12:02 pm UTC (link)
She wasn't sure when she'd said his name whether she meant it to be a question or a statement; an invite or a request that they take inventory of where they were, what they were feeling, and why they should not be in that moment of uncertainty at all. He took it as an invitation, so maybe that was what it was. Lydia had barely even registered her name on his lips before he drew her in and instead of doing the right thing — because they were both emotionally compromised and this was such a bad idea — and pushing him away, Lydia rose to the challenge and moved her own hand first to the side of his face as she returned the kiss and then into his curls, holding his head where it was because if they were going to throw caution to the wind, then goddammit, they were not going to half-ass it. Lydia Martin didn't half-ass anything and she sure as hell wasn't going to start now.

In spite of herself, the tiniest sound escaped her, a little whimper that could've gone either way, but skated closer to need than please stop, and a second later she broke the kiss without actually moving at all.

Lydia's lips were still pressed against his only parted with no motion as she huffed softly against his mouth to catch her breath. She kept her hand in his hair to prevent him from drawing away from her and, once she could breathe again, she kissed him again. This time, it was chaste, but it lingered as long as the first. But that was it; that was all they could do, this had to be the end of it, she told herself as her mouth pressed against his in a reflexive need for that spontaneous sort of affection that came with no questions or requests for prompts.

And then she did pull away so that she could look him in the eye. Oh God, what did we do? was written all over her face and the terror of losing the one person on the island who could keep her sane was overwhelming.

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 12:26 pm UTC (link)
It was like fire. She kissed him back and in that moment here was heat, her fingers were in his hair and his hands were on her hip and in the middle of her back, her lips moved against hi with a natural flow that somehow encompassed the same hungry need as what Isaac himself had felt, and suddenly he was awake.

He had kissed a lot of women in the past two years, more than he could probably count if he was being honest. He brought them to bed and kissed them, chaste or deep or impatient or leisurely, because that was just what Isaac did. He brought them to bed. He kissed them. But it wasn't like this.

Isaac hadn't felt this since everything had fallen apart and he had left. He had walked around in a haze for so long he almost forgot what it was like to open his eyes and inhale, and that was what Lydia brought to him. She was like air filling his lungs and waking his brain from a two year long slumber, because his heart was skipping in a way it hadn't in so long than he had been afraid it would never function properly again.

The sound that she made was nothing less than addicting and he wanted to hear it again immediately, but suddenly she pulled away and gripped his hair tightly as if to keep him in place. She was right there, he could feel her right there, and he gave a quiet, huffed sound of impatience before she finally kissed him again, and Isaac surrounded her, pulling her into his arms once more as he fell into her slow lingering pace that he wanted to drag on for as long as he possibly could.

And then she was gone. His eyes opened to see her staring up at him like she had made a horrible mistake, and that stare terrified him more than he was willing to say. Why? Why did she look like that, why did she look like he fucked up? It felt like she was enjoying it, it felt like it was right, the first right feeling he'd had in so long, and she looked like she was on the verge of telling him it was all a mistake. All Isaac could do was shake his head, an almost pleading look in his eye, and he leaned in for a split second before stopping himself abruptly once more. She looked afraid. He couldn't act thoughtlessly if she was afraid.

"...Lydia..." he said her name in a croak, his hand moving away from her back as if nervous to keep touching her. "What is it? ...No? Is - I mean... bad?"

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 12:55 pm UTC (link)
Seeing the pleading look in his eye finally snapped Lydia out of it. She felt his hand move away and that wasn't what she wanted at all but she could feel the horrified expression on her face and she shook her head. Her own hand was still on his head, fingers threaded through his curls.

"No, no," she said quickly. "No, not bad. Not...bad," she said and her lips pressed together in thought while she tried to wrap her head around the very real possibility that they'd just burned too many bridges on an impulse. Or worse, on something that wasn't actually an impulse at all but had been building up steadily for weeks and she just hadn't noticed until now.

Lydia curled against him, her heart racing. "You're the only thing here that keeps me from losing my mind, Isaac, the only thing. What if we just fucked it up? What if we just made everything weird and worse...?" Rather than pulling away, she was clinging too close. "I can't lose you, not now," she whispered because her throat was too tight for any real sound.

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 02:12 pm UTC (link)
He seemed relieved when she reassured him but he still looked uncomfortable in his own skin, unsure of what he had done wrong, and when Lydia curled against him that was the only reason he felt like she might have been okay with him wrapping her up in his embrace once more. The way that her fingers twisted into his hair was somehow comforting, as if she was holding him own on earth instead of letting him get lost in his own head. She wanted him there. She was showing him that she wanted him there. It was going to be okay.

She spoke, and at first he looked confused. Isaac had never experienced that before. He had never experience someone being afraid of losing him because they took a chance and dove. His expression softened when she finished and Isaac's arms tightened around her, his hand moving to take her chin and tilt her head up to look at him. "You're not going to lose me," he assured her softly. He didn't know why she felt like she would. It wasn't like anyone was there to pull them apart, right? He wasn't involved with Malia, she wasn't involved with Stil-

...Oh god, was she? No. No she would have told him. Stiles would have told him. Isaac moved in to let his forehead lean against hers. "I don't feel weird," he offered quietly, his hand still on her chin and his thumb moving to brush against her bottom lip. "And if you do... then I'll never do that again. I promise." Which would have killed him. he had just woken up. She had just woken him up. "I'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all, Lydia. This doesn't have to mean anything right now." He didn't want her to feel forced. Coerced. "I just make you happy, right? And that's all I want to do. ...And you make me feel awake. It doesn't have to be anything more than that right now. Just... happy and awake. And here for each other. That's never going to change."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 02:31 pm UTC (link)
Her eyes closed in a slow blink when he pressed his forehead against hers after reassuring her that he wasn't going anywhere. Everything was complicated now and Lydia knew that this water was muddy as hell; there was going to be a lot of slogging before they could swim. But it sounded like he was willing to do that, so she was too. Just...not yet.

Lydia shook her head. "No, I don't...but I feel like I should..." she admitted, brow creasing slightly. "You know? I don't feel weird and I don't feel bad, but I feel bad that I don't feel bad," she sighed softly.

The thing was...the trigger to the reason he'd finally lost his cool about Malia centered around what Lydia perceived to be jealousy at the idea of not being able to sleep with whoever she wanted. ...and if Lydia suddenly became a reason that Isaac didn't want to sleep with her...well. That complicated things. A lot.

"We can't tell anybody," she said and she looked sorry because she felt sorry. It felt awful trying to tell Isaac that they would have to hide. "We can't..."

Lydia took a deep breath and sighed it out softly again. "I don't know where this," she said, finally letting her hand out of his hair to gesture at what little space was between them, "came from, and it doesn't matter how much you want it or I want it, we can't do this until the babies are born. It's too complicated, it's too much. You know? For both of us, it's just too complicated and we have to wait."

She paused, threading her fingers into his hair again as she looked him in the eye. "And I will wait. If you want to. But we can't do this now. If you think things are bad now, imagine...just imagine if people knew." If Malia did, or Stiles...although Lydia had a feeling that Stiles would take it a hell of a lot better than Malia would, since he seemed about as detached as he could get from her which, in his defense, was just as much her fault as his, she supposed.

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 02:59 pm UTC (link)
There was something holding her back and Isaac wasn't totally sure what it was. She said that she felt bad that she didn't feel bad but... he didn't understand why they should feel bad in the first place. They had finally found a sense of comfort somewhere that they had been searching for for so long, how was that a bad thing?

But Lydia was obviously uncomfortable and Isaac wasn't going to argue with her, not when she seemed so serious. His face did, however, fall when she insisted that they would have to keep it a secret until the babies came, and that made him feel dirty. He didn't understand why, who were they hiding from? Stiles? Malia? Why would they care? Stiles, Isaac was sure, certainly wasn't avoiding sex with other people and neither was Malia, and it wasn't even like Isaac and Lydia were sleeping together. It felt like Allison, trying to keep everything discrete because of Scott, when really... it wasn't any of Scott's fucking business.

"...Okay." He finally agreed with a small nod, caving as soon as her fingers slipped their way into his hair. He didn't like it. But... "If you feel like we need to wait then we'll wait." He looked down at her with a tender gaze as he brushed her hair behind her ear. "It's been a long time since I've had something to wait for. So if that's what you feel we should do, then we'll do it. For as long as we need to." And where did that leave them? If they were keeping it a secret, what was he supposed to do if Malia wanted to sleep with him, or anyone else? Were they exclusive? Where they anything? Was there even a label for it?

"Tell me how you want to do this, and we'll do it. And it came from nowhere," he finally explained, resting into the pillow as he pulled her close again to place his hand in the center of her back. "And it can go anywhere you want, Lydia. ...I just don't want to lose it. Or you."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 03:20 pm UTC (link)
Beyond the look on his face, she could hear it in his tone and she didn't feel good about it, either, but Lydia...had gathered from the private conversations she and Malia had had that there was more to it, on her end at least, than just a baby. Whatever was going on with she and Isaac, it was a hell of a lot more, from her perspective, than was going on between Lydia and Stiles and the last thing any of them needed was even more stupid drama. She looked apologetic. "I think we should," she repeated. She didn't feel like it was her place to tell Isaac anything Malia said in confidence, but at the same time, he had every right to know. So...she tried to compromise.

"I just feel like...I get the impression that Malia's...feelings for you are complicated and delicate and...right now with her pregnant, I can't be the reason for more drama and stress from and for her, I just...can't. So when it's over and the babies are born and we don't have to worry about the negative impacts of stress on a growing child, then I'll be right here and if she doesn't like it, then that's too fucking bad. But right now, I don't want to upset her even more and cause you or the baby more problems when she loses it in the process, you know...?" she asked, desperate for him to understand but worried that he wouldn't; that he would think she was ashamed of the way she was starting to feel about him when that wasn't the case at all.

Her cheeks warmed and she smiled a little, her sunburned nose wrinkling shyly. "It really did, didn't it?" she asked with a soft laugh as she snuggled herself against him, looking back up at him fondly. "We keep doing things the way we were doing them for now," she said and a slightly mischievous smile crept over her lips, "...but now maybe we sneak off like this once in a while when we can. And then when the babies are born, we go all in and see where it takes us, because we'll only have ourselves to worry about, then. ...is that okay, or...?" she asked, suddenly realizing that she probably should ask rather than tell him. "I'm not going anywhere."

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[info]theprettybeta
2016-04-25 03:52 pm UTC (link)
He was conflicted, because Lydia's point would have been legitimate... if he had believed it. He had asked Malia quite recently if she was looking for someone to love or someone to keep and she had told him no, so... for Isaac, that was that. Why would she lie? He wasn't sure if Lydia actually believed that Malia had feelings for him or if she was just trying to... well, hide him, and he was disappointed in himself for not really caring. Isaac didn't know much, but he did know that you didn't let go of a good thing. They came around so rarely, so scarcely, that when they did you needed to grab them no matter what the circumstance. If she was a little ashamed, that was fine. Isaac could be a secret. He would still be happier with her than without her.

"If you feel that way then we'll play it safe. I don't care who knows and who doesn't know, Lydia. I'm not interested in arm candy. ...I mean, in a couple of months you're definitely going to be walking around with me in that shirt but other than that," he flashed her a smile and he laughed when she wrinkled her nose, his hand lifting to brush a finger against the pink skin as he shook his head. "Yeah, it really did. Not that I'm complaining." It was surreal. Lying there with Lydia Martin was absolutely surreal and Isaac couldn't even wrap his head around the fact that it was happening. It made him uncomfortable to think that it was so situational... that if they were back home, she probably wouldn't give him a second glance. But perhaps that was a part of the better world that Arva promised him. Perhaps Lydia was a part of that better world.

"That's how it's going to work?" He let his hand takes it's place on her waist, staring at her with an almost awed gaze. "Sneaking off in the middle of the night? Secret notes, letters that I leave you in a tree or something? I shouldn't even be surprised, I forgot how much you liked The Notebook and shit like that. Yeah, Lydia, that's fine." His eyes flickered down to to her mouth for a second and he leaned in to press a chaste kiss to her lips, shy and testing, as if seeing what it was like to just be able to do that. And god, it was amazing. The way his chest felt light every time he touched her made his head spin, and Isaac was in a completely opposite mood to the one he had arrived with.

"That's okay. That's very okay, Lydia, I don't care. I just want you. ...I have for a while."

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[info]eunoia
2016-04-25 04:04 pm UTC (link)
"I do feel that way," she said softly. "And it's not about that, it's...we talk under filters sometimes and I just...feel like she has more feelings for you than she realizes she does and I don't want to be...that person that makes things go crazy on her when she's still carrying. When the baby's born and it doesn't matter anymore, then I don't want to hide anymore. These next couple of months are going to feel really icky, I feel like, doing it this way, but I don't want anything to upset her so much that something bad happens to the baby and I'm just...trying to be cautious," she insisted.

She'd been attracted to Isaac for a little while, after getting to know him; after talking to him in depth for the first time ever the night of the first bonfire. Lydia had been holding back acknowledging that for a long time. She shouldn't have, in retrospect, but she had. Maybe if she'd just indulged it instead of worrying so much, then they wouldn't be in this mess and everything would've been fine. She blamed herself for that, but she could be upset about it another time. Right now, she just wanted to be calm and relaxed and being around Isaac did that for her. "Me either," she agreed with a twitch of her nose, tickled by the brush of his fingertip against it.

Feigning offense, Lydia swatted at his shoulder. "Hey! You're just lucky I don't have a portable DVD player here. Arva, did you hear that? He's knocking the Notebook and I bet he's never even seen it," she said, raising her voice just a smidge as if literally calling out to the goddess, before she looked back at him in time for him to kiss her again. ...and it was nice. It was really nice to be able to finally do that and not worry how it was going to affect everything else. Lydia smiled.

"You probably won't believe me, but...I've wanted you too. For a while," she admitted in a whisper meant just for him. And then, she kissed him again. It was going to be a long two months, but Lydia decided in that moment...it was going to be worth it.

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