Adrian Ivashkov | Vampire Academy/Bloodlines (ivashkinated) wrote in paradisolog, @ 2016-04-19 21:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | ~adrian ivashkov (ivashkinated), ~bonnie bennett (midnightwitch) |
WHO: Adrian Ivashkov and OPEN
WHAT: Being pensive
WHEN: Tuesday evening
WHERE: Overlooking the water
WARNINGS: TBD
STATUS: Open/Ongoing
The truth was that most of Adrian's egotism was an overreaction to his crippling self-doubt. Deep down inside, did he really think that much of himself? No. He'd simply learned that the way to get through life was to pretend that he did, to pretend to be the frivolous and useless playboy that his father had always assumed him to be. Even if he wasn't.
Oh, sure, it wasn't all fake. Adrian liked spending money. He liked being with girls, because it gave him the connection with another person that he craved, even if it only lasted a night. He'd hated school (although he'd also always underestimated his own intelligence), and had planned to spend his life living off the money he inherited. Getting a job, or actually working had never really crossed Adrian's mind.
He actually felt a little bad about refusing to help yesterday, but the truth was that he would have been useless out there. Even with the sun no longer causing him the misery it once would have, Adrian was a chain-smoking alcoholic who rarely did anything more physically taxing than lifting a bottle of beer. He would have humiliated himself and not even with a purpose. He wouldn't have been capable of doing any sort of manual labor. Moroi didn't have any particular strength - they left the fighting and physical labor to the dhampirs.
But deep inside, it did hurt him that people didn't seem to like him. His cheerful, happy-go-lucky attitude had always served him well before, but in this place it really didn't seem to be working. And the idea of showing the people here his true self was more than mildly terrifying. Under the mask, Adrian was a very insecure young man, who desperately wanted to please. A man who had never really been told he was worth anything, and had inside been constantly berated by a father who had always thought him a disappointment.
He was sitting now on a small hill overlooking the water, with a pensive look on his face. He felt, well...sad. Confused. Wishing he had someone to talk to, but not knowing anyone here that he felt he could really trust with his feelings.