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Tweak says, "TEQUILA!"

Finnick Odair | The Hunger Games (dist4_finnick) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-06 20:58:00

Entry tags:

~briseis (prizeofachilles), ~finnick odair (dist4_finnick)

WHO: Finnick Odair and Briseis
WHAT: Talking about their pasts
WHEN: Wednesday afternoon
WARNINGS: Discussion of rape, prostitution and sexual slavery
STATUS: Closed, Complete

Coming here had been a chance for a new start, and Finnick was grateful for it. No one here knew him, and that meant no one knew his shameful past. He could reinvent himself as a normal person. So many of the people here had friends from home in the project. He was glad he didn't have to contend with that as it would have made his reinvention impossible, but at the same time it was lonely being completely on his own. He was slowly making new friends, but he had to keep them at arms length. There were important parts of what he was thinking and feeling that he could simply never share without them finding out about him, which would defeat the whole purpose of coming here.

Back in the Capitol he'd had the other victors to commiserate with. They rarely talked about the prostitution directly, but they all knew and understood, and they were a support system of sorts. Here, he couldn't talk to anyone. Briseis would understand, though. She'd been through some of the same things, so maybe they could be that support system for each other. And since she'd suffered as well, he thought he could trust her to keep his secret.

He took his hatchet and one of his fishing spears, since he had promised to promised to protect her if necessary, and walked to the middle of camp to wait for her.

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-07 03:46 am UTC (link)

The other girls in the camp had been Briseis's only support system, and they hadn't been much of one, they couldn't really talk about what was happening, but even the feeling that they might be able to silently commiserate was better than nothing,

Still, as much as she had craved someone who understood, she was terribly afraid of talking to Finnick about it. She'd never shared the details of her captivity out loud before. And somehow that seemed like it would only make it more real,

But somehow she summoned her courage, and when Finnick arrived, she approached him nervously. She was a tiny thing, petite and delicate, and her eyes looked far older than the rest of her.

"Good day," she said softly,

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-07 04:13 am UTC (link)

This was his first time meeting her in person, but he recognized her immediately from her picture. The only surprising thing was how small she was, which only made him feel even more protective of her.

"Hello," He said with a small bow. Somehow shaking hands just seemed too informal for her. "I'm Finnick. Thank you for agreeing to talk to me. Let's walk up to the waterfall."

He led her up the slope and found them a place to sit on a rock where her clothes wouldn't get dirty and they could still see the camp below.

"First of all, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I mainly wanted to let you know that there is someone here who understands. I wasn't taken as spoils in a battle, but I have been powerless and forced to do things I didn't want, as I suspect you have. Also like you I lost my entire family to those who held power over me and used me."

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-07 02:01 pm UTC (link)

Finnick was beautiful, there was no doubt. But knowing already what she knew, she saw it in a detached manner. She felt no attraction towards him, nothing sexual. There was simply a sadness in her heart because of the knowledge that he understood what she had suffered all too well.

She sat, folding her knees under her and looking for a moment more at the grass than at Finnick.

"My family died when the Greek Armies took Lyrnessus," she said softly. She had been one of the very few to survive, because she was young and pretty and Achilles had taken a liking to her. "They slaughtered them on the city walls." Even her young brothers, who were little more than children. She didn't like remembering these things, but she felt that he deserved to know, since he had been brave enough to approach her.

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-07 02:21 pm UTC (link)

Finnick also looked at the ground more than he looked at her. These weren't easy things to talk about, even years later.

"My family was killed because of me. Because I didn't please my masters enough." He paused and took a breath. "I mentioned before that my side lost a war a long time ago. To remind us of our defeat, each year they demanded one boy and one girl from each of 12 districts be given to them as tribute. I was chosen one year when I was 14. We were to fight to the death for their amusement. The victor was promised great riches, and the chance to live in ease and happiness the rest of their life. I was the victor that year, but the promises were false. I was given great riches, but I had caught the eye of powerful people in the Capitol and they wouldn't let me go. I was sold for sex. People like me, from the districts, were just slaves to them, so they could do whatever they wanted with me. Our leader, the president, told me that if I didn't go along with it he would have my family killed, so I did it. I did what they wanted and I learned to please them. I became so skilled at it that they wanted me even more."

His voice was shaking. He had to stop to take a breath and steady himself.

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-07 02:35 pm UTC (link)

Briseis reached out and took his hand. She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone, that she understood. That she wasn't judging him and that his pain was hers, as well.

"After my famiy was killed and Lyrnessus destroyed, I was taken as a spoil. I suppose I was lucky that I wasn't passed around among all the men - the great warrior Achilles took an interest in me and made me his own prize." She shuddered. "In addition to the sex, I was to cook and clean and mend and do whatever he needed of me. I followed the camp, a slave to his will. I suppose it could have been worse; he didn't beat me. But all of my agency, what little I had, was stripped from me, and I was just another of his possessions."

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-07 02:50 pm UTC (link)

Finnick understood what it was like to be treated as a possession, as a thing that had no agency and could be bought or sold or disposed of at will. He nodded and held her hand. Perhaps it was better to be owned by just one person instead of rented out to dozens as he was, but he couldn't say that for sure. At least when he was done with a client he could leave and have a few hours of privacy and peace before the next one. She'd been forced to live with her captor all the time.

"I drink or use drugs sometimes to dull the pain and make it bearable. One time I showed up for an appointment with a client a little too high for their taste, and they complained to the president. That's when he had my father and brothers killed. They said it was a boating accident, but it wasn't. They were dead because of a moment of weakness and selfishness on my part."

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-07 02:53 pm UTC (link)

"That wasn't your fault," she said softly. When terrible things like that happened, it was never their fault. It was the fault of those who did it. That was it.

Although, she had little trouble understanding that guilt. It wasn't a fun thing to think about. At all.

"Have you slept with anyone here?" She asked. She knew it was a very blunt question, but she needed to ask it. "Because I...I don't know if I'm going to be able to. And I'm afraid that Arva will be disappointed in me and send me home."

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-07 10:32 pm UTC (link)

Finnick nodded. "I was worried about that too. When I first got the invitation I thought, if we have to have sex with random strangers then how will it be any better than home? I didn't want to do that. But I asked Arva, and she said it would be totally my choice, and I could wait as long as I wanted to. I didn't end up waiting as long as I thought I would, though." He smiled a small tentative smile. "Yes, I had sex with someone only a few days after we arrived. It was much better than I expected. Maybe it's different for me, being a man, than it would be for you...but...it was very easy to just let the physical need take over. That part of it was easy, and it felt wonderful. It's the emotional side that's giving me problems now."

He squeezed her hand gently. "So, no, I don't think you need to worry about Arva sending you home. There's no need to rush into anything."

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-07 10:38 pm UTC (link)

"Do you think that having sex when you did and getting it over with was better than waiting? I mean, I know that's why we're here but I don't know if...well, maybe it would be best to have sex with someone of my choosing so that the anxiety over it isn't so much. So I don't have to keep dreading it."

She bit her bottom lip.

"I'm really not sure which would be more difficult."

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-07 10:54 pm UTC (link)

Finnick shook his head. "I'm not sure I can answer that. I don't regret doing what I did, but I don't know if it would have been better to wait. I think you just have to go with how you feel in the moment. That's what I did. Sex with someone you choose can be wonderful, but there is a downside too. It's much easier to get attached than I expected. So I would say, take that into account and choose your partner wisely." He paused and looked at her. "Do you have someone in particular in mind already?"

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prizeofachilles
2016-04-08 12:13 pm UTC (link)

Did she have someone in mind already? She couldn't say. She liked Scott and she liked Cisco, but she didn't know if she was ready to take that step with either of them. Or maybe she should? Maybe it would be a good thing to simply take a leap of faith and hope that what Arva said was true. If it was...well, she would have freedom like she never thought she could have, and maybe she could enjoy her body.

She never had before.

"I - no," she said, although her face betrayed her. "Just generally."

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dist4_finnick
2016-04-08 12:28 pm UTC (link)

"There is isn't there?" He smiled. "Well, I'm glad. My advice is to wait until you're sure of that person. Decide whether you want a relationship or just sex, and make sure the other person wants the same thing. It's messy if your expectations aren't the same, or if your feelings change. Also, things have a way of moving fast here. Even if you intend to wait it's easy to get swept away."

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	prizeofachilles 2016-04-08 12:30 pm UTC (link)
	"I'm usually not the type to get swept away," she said softly. Of course, she'd never had the chance to feel, or make decisions for herself, and that changed things. A lot. "I will be careful. And if...I decide I have feelings for someone, I will let you know?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

dist4_finnick
2016-04-08 12:49 pm UTC (link)

"I wasn't the type to get swept away either, until I came here. Everything is different when you can choose for yourself. I was about as jaded as it's possible to be, having done everything imaginable, but it still really knocked me for a loop. It's not just the physical stuff...it might be different for you as a woman, but I usually physically enjoyed it with clients. This felt completely different, though. I didn't feel dirty afterwards like I did with clients, and I just wanted to stay close to her. Holding her after felt as good as doing it. That's what I was unprepared for. That's the emotional stuff that's different." It was still hard to explain exactly what he felt, but he had to try to warn her.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea. I can help you make sure he's a good guy who won't hurt you."

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	prizeofachilles 2016-04-08 12:52 pm UTC (link)
	"I don't think anyone can ever be sure of that, Finnick," she said softly. After all, people could change. They could become things that you never expected when you first met them. They could turn cruel. And so far as Bri knew, there was no way to tell when that would happen. "I will let you know then. You are...very kind, Finnick." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	dist4_finnick 2016-04-08 02:48 pm UTC (link)
	"That's true I suppose. You can never be sure. But you can try to be careful." Finnick blushed "I just want to look out for you, make sure you're safe and happy. You deserve it after everything that's happened." He stood up and offered her his arm. "Should we go back down?" (Reply to this) (Parent)