InsaneJournal

WHO Phil & Nat w/ bb!Phil
WHAT Meeting the namesake
WHEN Backdated to PJ's birthday
WHERE The clinic
WARNINGS Breastfeeding!
STATUS Closed | Complete



Phil was beyond excited to meet Steve's and Natasha's son, who was named after him. He was still trying to wrap his head around that one, but when Steve had asked him to come stay with Natasha hours after the birth, he wasn't going to turn down the opportunity. He'd agreed immediately and was already on his way over before he finished messaging with Steve.

When he arrived at the clinic, he spent a few minutes congratulating the couple before he and Natasha convinced Steve to head out for a couple of hours to get some sleep. Then he got to turn his attention to mother and son, who looked tired, but happy. Phil took a seat next to Nat, where Steve had all but planted himself after the birth, and reached out to squeeze her forearm.

"How're you doing? Really?"

***

Natasha was exhausted. She’d been in labor for over twelve hours which Dr. McCoy had assured her wasn’t bad for a first baby and truth be told, it hadn’t hurt as much as she’d thought it would. She’d certainly been through worse over the years and at least at the end of it, she had a beautiful baby boy. It still seemed like a dream and she had tried not to cry when Christine placed him in her arms after he was cleaned up but she did and for once she didn’t care who saw her. There had been times when she first arrived that she had questioned her choice and wondered if it was the right one but seeing Steve’s face when he’d seen Phillip for the first time, when their eyes had met over their son’s head made it all worth it.

It hadn’t been easy getting him to leave but they’d been up all night and while he didn’t tend to need that much sleep, Natasha knew that Steve had to be tired. And once the baby was fed and settled, she was going to take a nap herself. She didn’t even mind that he’d insisted on Phil staying with her, that was fine with her and she knew that Pepper would be stopping by once she had Chayse settled for the evening.

“How am I doing?” Natasha looked at Phil with a tired smile. “Well aside from feeling like someone drove a bus through my ass, I’m fine.” She would never be too tired to make a snarky joke. “But seriously aside from being sore and tired, I’m good. Completely and totally besotted with my son of course but who wouldn’t be? He’s gorgeous.”

***

Philip was absolutely adorable for being so freshly newborn. Phil was maybe a little biased because the kid was named after him, but he still maintained the kid was the cutest. He didn't want to keep Natasha up since giving birth had to be exhausting, but he did want to check in on her and make sure she was doing okay. Somehow, he'd missed that she was so close to her due date, which he felt bad about.

He chuckled a little at her joke and wondered if Diana would say the same thing once she gave birth. "I think the sore and tired will fix itself given enough time," Phil assured her. Even though he'd washed his hands up to his elbows before walking into the room Nat had taken over, he was still hesitant to reach out to touch the baby boy. "He's not quite as pretty as his mom, but maybe he'll be as handsome as his Uncle Phil," he teased lightly.

***
“He’s got a little more hair than Uncle Phil,” she teased back. “But yeah I think he’s pretty handsome. I still can’t believe it’s real, you know. The fact that Steve and I made him….that I’m a mom.” Natasha shook her head. “But I’m glad, I don’t regret my choice to come here at all. And I know this is just the beginning. Eventually Phillip will have some brothers and sisters. Not for a while though,” she laughed. “I don’t enjoy being pregnant as much as Ella. She always looks so happy, I don’t know how she does it.” She liked the young woman and was amazed at how much energy she had even when she was close to giving birth. “Is she due close to Diana? I don’t keep track but it seems like I heard about both of them around the same time.”

She waited a beat before she asked her next question. “How’d Darcy take it?” Natasha knew that there wasn’t any kind of a commitment between her friends but there was also no way to shut off emotions and it was hard to not feels something for someone when you spent a lot of time together.

***

Phil rolled his eyes good naturedly at her joke. His thinning hair wasn't anything he was ashamed of, especially when he could very easily pin it on Natasha's and Clint's antics. He wished the other man could be here with them to celebrate. The three of them were more like family than Phil had allowed himself in the longest time, since their business didn't allow for those close, personal connections. Natasha and Clint were the closest he'd ever thought he'd get to having children of his own; but that was the nature of being in the role of handler.

"I'm happy for you, Nat," he replied honestly. "And there isn't any rush to have more. Though, I am looking forward to babysitting little Phil here, and Chayse." Phil loved both mothers, so of course he'd be happy to babysit both of them. He was also privately glad it was 'Uncle' Phil, instead of 'Grandpa Phil'. "I think they are, yes," he replied, about Ella and Diana's due dates. "I suspect Ella won't go long without being pregnant again. More power to her, I say." He adored the younger woman and felt quite a bit protective of her.

Phil sat back a bit more when she asked about Darcy and considered his answer carefully. He was still trying to puzzle out what it might mean. "She was surprised, both that I went ahead with it with Diana and that I didn't tell her." He hadn't even thought it would be an issue because of how staunchly she'd been against having kids when she'd gotten to the island. She'd given no indication that she'd changed her mind. "There was an...incident, at one of the bonfires. I got particularly truthful about what she means to me."

***

“Oh yeah, I remember that bonfire. Lotta truth telling going on that night,” she looked over at the baby who had made a little snuffing noise but he didn’t wake up. She smiled at him before turning back to Phil. “I decided to come out and ask Steve if he regretted staying with me after Peggy got here. He told me that he’d slept with her which I kind of assumed, but that he didn’t regret anything that’s happened with me. Normally I wouldn’t have asked that question but damn hormones.” she shook her head. “For a minute I felt like I’d come in second again and then that little guy kicked the shit out of my ribs and I felt a lot better.” Nat sat up a little and looked at Phillip. “And if you dare tell your father I said a curse word, I’ll eat onions and you’ll wish I hadn’t.” she settled back down with a grin and then grew more serious as she listened to Phil

“What does she mean to you?” Natasha was curious. She liked Darcy and enjoyed talking to her but they’d never discussed Phil. “Whatever that is, you must mean more to her than you thought if that bothered her. I remember her saying that she didn’t come here to have kids so that’s kind of surprising that it would bug her.”

As Natasha had already said though, it was hard to keep emotions out of any kind of relationship, even an open one.

***

It was everything to see the way she looked at her son. Everything about the interaction was more than he ever thought he'd see from Natasha. Phil was so proud of her and so happy that she had this opportunity. He knew the horrors that she'd endured at the hands of the Red Room. He knew what this meant to her, even if he couldn't understand the full weight of it.

"I think you've got a good year or so before he starts tattling about your language. Hopefully, he'll always remind you of exactly how much Steve loves you." Because even a literal blind person wouldn't be able to miss it. Steve adored Natasha. It wasn't even a question.

What was a question was just how he felt about Darcy. Phil was quiet for a few minutes as he considered the best way to answer that question - and what the truth of it was. He'd grown very attached to Darcy, that much was obvious. She intrigued and excited him, and more than that, she challenged him in many ways. They were just compatible in a way he hadn't experienced in a while and he very much enjoyed that. The quiet smile that blossomed across his features told that much.

"Darcy has come to mean a lot to me in our time here," he replied, hedging a little. Natasha deserved more than that, he knew. Phil sighed softly. "She challenges me, has a great sense of humor and a sharp wit. I don't want our time to come to an end."

***

“Why does it have to come to an end? I mean maybe you should have told her about Diana a little sooner than you did but that’s not a reason to end anything.” Natasha wasn’t sure she understood completely but she also had a feeling that Phil wasn’t telling her everything. “You really have feelings for her don’t you? Real ones, not just the kind where you like having sex with her because I totally get that. She’s awesome in bed but that’s beside the point.”

She hesitated for a minute and then she reached out and laid her hand over his. “Feelings are scary. Especially here because it’s almost like you aren’t supposed to really have any. They tend to crop up though when you really connect with someone. Or in my case, you already connected but never had the chance to really act on it. You knew Darcy before, didn’t you? I seem to remember that but I just had a baby so I could be deprived of oxygen to the brain.”

***

"I don't think it will, not over this," he replied, clarifying. "I most certainly have feelings for her. It was partly just about the sex, but with the kind of dynamic we have..." Phil trailed off, not wanting to get into the nitty gritty details of just what he and Darcy got up to. "It's hard not to get invested because there's a lot of trust involved. I care about her a lot. It's just more than I think I thought I would." And he wasn't even upset about it. It just changed things.

"I did meet Darcy before," he replied, giving her hand a squeeze. "She was Dr Foster's assistant, when Clint and I went to New Mexico to deal with Thor." And Loki, as it turned out. "Still is Dr Foster's assistant, aside from being here." Phil glanced down at the baby in Natasha's arms. "I wouldn't mind having a little one with her, though. Whether we kept the child or not would be up to her, but." He wanted to have the experience with her.

***

Natasha really didn’t want to know exactly what Phil and Darcy got up to but from what he said, she could sort of connect the dots when he mentioned trust. “Well, sometimes you get invested without realizing you have. It’s not a bad thing.” She shifted the baby who was waking up and starting to get hungry and she looked over at Phil. “Hold that thought,” and after some maneuvering so as not to flash Phil, she got him settled and covered herself so he could eat in peace. “Pardon me if I make faces, it isn’t the conversation, this is just a little bit uncomfortable right now. They say it passes. Soon I hope.”

She smiled when he said that he wouldn’t mind having a little one with Darcy. “You’d make a great dad for what it’s worth,” she told him. “Have you actually talked to her about maybe having a kid? Or are you still trying to decide how to ask her?”

***

"No, not a bad thing. It just changes things in a way I don't think either of us were prepared for." Phil glanced away from Natasha as she got herself situated, but turned back once she started talking again. "Don't feel like you have to cover up, if it makes it easier. I'm sure you'll both get used to breastfeeding soon enough. Everything takes a little practice at first." She was lucky things were working well, even if it was a bit uncomfortable at times.

Phil shook his head in reply. "I'm not going to ask her. If she changes her mind, I hope she'll approach me. She knows how I feel about her, but neither one of us is looking for exclusivity. Raising a child together would be something for later. Much later." He could completely understand why Pepper and Natasha both decided to raise their children instead of giving them to Arva, but he wasn't ready for what that would mean for Darcy and himself.

***

“Well one thing that I know about Darcy is that she’ll let you know what she’s thinking,” she looked down to make sure Phillip was managing and after a minor adjustment she looked back up. “I’m really glad that this is instinctual because I don’t have a clue. Anyway, raising a child is a big decision but maybe having one together would be a way to get closer if that’s what you both want.”

***

Phil smiled softly at his agent and friend. She deserved every happiness, but he understood that she might feel a little like a fish out of water. He couldn't help with any of it really, but he would do his best to help where he could. Even if it meant doting on Phillip.

"We'll see how it all shakes out." He put on like he wasn't concerned, and for the most part he wasn't. He could ignore the part that was for the better of all of them.

***