Entry tags:

luke skywalker (sonofasith), mara jade (redhdrevolution)

WHO: Mara and Luke
WHAT: Having a serious talk
WHEN: Backdated to February 25
WARNINGS:None
STATUS: Complete

Mara had not been in a good mood all week. She'd snapped at Luke more than once, she'd found herself unable to concentrate on anything and finally she had left a note for Luke, taken a few things and gone camping. It was much needed time alone and when she got back to camp, she was feeling some better. She felt bad about blocking Luke's efforts to check on her through the Force but she didn't want to be distracted. As soon as she saw him, she'd apologize for that.

They'd never said that they wouldn't sleep with other people, in fact, she'd fooled around with Cami and a whole bunch of them had fooled around together. That was different though, it hadn't been sex, and even with the others, Mara and Luke had gone off by themselves when things started heading in that direction. Therefore the fact that he'd slept with Jyn shouldn't have bothered her.

But it did.

She was from their world, she was a hero like Luke. She'd done something extraordinary and Mara had been on the other side. Never mind that she wasn't that person any longer and never would be again. What if Luke found the same thing with Jyn that he and Mara shared? He said that he'd never had it happen before her but that didn't mean it couldn't happen with someone else from their world. That bothered her more than anything because that was theirs, she knew in her heart that she'd never have that with anyone else. And it bothered her because she had come to realize something else.

She was in love with Luke.

This was not the place to fall in love, she knew that, and besides she had promised herself never to fall in love. It made you weak, you were off your game and there was no place for it in her life. Even it wasn't her life anymore. Maybe they could figure this out, maybe the whole being in love thing could work as long as both of you were on the same page with the whole Sex Island thing. Mara had no idea but there was only one person who could answer her question and at the moment, he wasn't anywhere around so she sighed and sat down on a log not too close to the fire and waited. He'd show up, he always did.

Being with Jyn had felt good, but it wasn’t like being with Mara at all. It still felt a little weird to Luke to think they could be with other people, but it hadn’t felt weird being with Jyn. He wondered if that meant there was something wrong with him. Was he the bad guy for enjoying what had happened between them? Mara had said it would be okay if they were with other people, that was something they’d agreed on together, but there was still a part of him that felt guilty.

Walking to the bonfire, he was thinking about that, so he made a beeline for Mara once he saw her and took a seat next to her on the log. “Hey,” he said, happy to find her on her own. After taking off without him for a few days, he’d been worried. He was glad they were finally going to have a chance to talk.

She smiled at him and impulsively kissed his cheek. As confused as she had been and still was, she was happy to see him. “I’m sorry I took off without saying anything,” she said, getting straight to the point as always. “And for blocking you too. I know you were worried.” Mara had felt that and she had pushed it away but she also knew that if she hadn’t been okay, he would have felt it and he would have come to her. Sometimes it still surprised her that they could feel each other’s emotions so well.

“I needed to think about some stuff and it’s hard sometimes to think around here with so much going on,” she said. “But I missed you even if that seems kind of hard to believe seeing as how I ran off without saying anything.” She’d left him a note but that was no substitute for actually telling him.

“I just wish you would talk to me about whatever it is,” he admitted, looking down at the ground. With her blocking him out, running off without him, not wanting to let him help her with whatever was bothering her, he felt like she was shutting him out or pushing him away.

What if she just didn't want to be with him anymore?

Insecurity plagued him, even though he thought he knew how she felt about him. It was easy to doubt right now. He couldn't think of any other reason why she wouldn't just tell him what was going on. Not that Luke had tons of experience with women. He could count the ones he'd slept with on one hand and the number of real relationships was even smaller. The truth was that he didn't really understand women at all. He thought he understood Mara, though. At least, he'd believed that until this last week.

“I’m sorry. I should have talked to you,” she said and reached out to take his hand, lacing her fingers through his. “I just didn’t know what to say or how to say it. It’s not something that I’ve ever said before, not to anyone.” Mara had never had a family, had never heard the words “I love you,” from a parent or a sibling or even a friend since she didn’t really have any of those, it was too dangerous. Now that she had sorted things out and she knew how she felt, she was afraid that if she said the words, Luke wouldn’t return them, that he would walk away, even if she knew n her heart that he would never be that cruel. “I have something I need to say to you,” she said and stood up, pulling him along with her. “But I don’t want to say it here, there are too many people around.”

Without saying anything else, she led him away from the bonfire and back to her old shelter. They were living in the dorms now but she’d kept this place because it was the first place they’d been together and even if she’ never thought about herself as sentimental, she was when it came to his little shelter. The bed was still there, dorms had beds that some of the others had built so when they walked in, Mara sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. For a moment, she didn’t say anything and then she turned so she could see his face and decided to just say it.

“I love you,” she said, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt. “I have never said that to anyone before, I’ve never even wanted to say it to anyone before but it’s true. I know we agreed that we could sleep with other people and I meant that but that doesn’t change how I feel. I love you, Luke and nothing is going to change that and I have no idea how you feel and that scares me because…..” she took a deep breath and very softly said “i just want you to love me back.”

“But I do love you back,” Luke said, confused. It seemed so simple to him to say it and he didn't understand her anxiety over it, even if maybe he should have. For Luke, though, it was such a simple matter, because it was true and he had known it for some time. He didn't have the trauma in his past that she did. Even with losing his parents at birth, when he'd been too young to remember either of them and losing his aunt and uncle didn't really compare to the way she'd grown up. Luke had had a good childhood. He missed his aunt and uncle so much, but he'd know their love as a boy. He'd known the love of others, even if it was in a more platonic way. For Luke, loving someone wasn't a scary thing. It was powerful and wonderful and he didn't see any reason to hold back that feeling.

“I thought- I thought you were going to tell me you didn't want to be with me anymore.” The relief was obvious on his face as he realized it was the opposite, but her reticence still confused him. How could she not know he felt the same way? If loving him was what had driven her away for so many days, he didn't understand that. It only made him want to hold her close to him.

“I just….you were with Jyn and I’m not saying that I’m mad about that. It’s just that the two of you, you’re both heroes, you did something extraordinary, even if you had no idea that the other existed. What you did, it changed the course of everything,. I know we don’t know how it all turns out in the end but I…..well she’s the type of person you should want to be with, Luke.” she sighed. “I’ve done some terrible things because it was the only life I knew and I’m glad that Arva took me away from that even if I thought she was bringing me here because the Emperor wanted her to.” It hadn’t taken her long to figure out that wasn’t the case and she would always be grateful for that.

“What happens when you and I make love, it’s…...well I just was afraid that it happened with her too. That maybe it was something that was common where we come from and that bothered me. Because when that happens, there is nothing else like it that I can even begin to compare it to. I don’t even want to feel that with anyone else, Luke.” Mara knew that there would likely be other men in her life if they stayed her but her heart belonged to Luke. If there was such a thing as soulmates, then she knew she had found hers.

Luke shook his head. “Jyn is great,” he began, which was probably not the smartest thing he could have said. “She's brave and she's beautiful and I do like her, but, Mara, she's not you. Maybe she and I are connected, but it's not the same at all. It's not like[...] what you and me have.”

He didn't know how to explain it and he knew he probably shouldn't have admitted to liking Jyn, but he didn't want to lie to Mara. She'd know if he did, anyway. “You and me, we’re meant to be together. I can feel it. Can't you?” Once again, it was that simple for him. No matter how much he'd enjoyed spending time with Jyn, there was something more between him and Mara. Planets aligned when he kissed her. The whole universe made sense when she was in his arms. He knew, with every fiber of his being, that he belonged to Mara and she belonged to him. Her absence had allowed him to doubt that for a moment, but the feeling was back now, stronger than ever.

Mara stood up and walked in front of him, straddling his lap so she could look into his eyes. She reached out and touched his face, running her fingers over his lips, his nose, leaning in, brushing her lips lightly over his. He didn’t have to speak, she could feel his emotions, feel everything that he was thinking and she knew that he could read hers just as easily. “I feel it too,” she whispered. “I was just afraid to let it in but yes, no matter who or what else is in our lives, we belong to each other. I never thought I’d ever feel this way about anyone but I do.”

She kissed him again, this time sliding her fingers into his hair, taking the kiss deeper, opening herself to him, letting him feel the rush of emotion that coursed through her body at the very touch of his lips on hers.

Luke was relieved when she moved in front of him and kissed him. He reached for her, gripping her hips with his hands as he held her there and he was suddenly grateful they’d found some privacy for this conversation. “I love you, Mara Jade,” he murmured before she kissed him again and then he pulled her closer, falling back on the bed and pulling her with him.

He’d never closed her out to begin with; Luke didn’t really know how to be anything but open, especially with Mara, and he felt her emotions pouring into him. It wasn’t just her pleasure from the kiss, but he could feel how much she loved him. Somehow, it just made the moment even more amazing.

“I love you too, Skywalker,” she said before they hit the bed and she laughed. It felt good to say the words, more than she had ever imagined and she knew that she wouldn’t get tired of telling him. Right now though, she was too busy enjoying his kisses and the way it felt when he touched her to think of anything other than that.