Reason. Yes. She was here for a reason and she had to remember that reason. She couldn't let doubt or the past cloud her mind. Clarke could not let bad memories keep her from making the most of this opportunity and it was a great opportunity. She had the chance to aid in building a new society. A society, a world, and time without violence, hatred, or pain. It was anyone's dream. No, she believed, deep down, it was everyone's dream: to make a place with only goodness and light instead of darkness and evil. Here, she could bring life into the world, even have a child of her own, and it was amazing. No, the entire chance was a gift and it was for Clarke still a gift she did not think she deserved, but she had to start to believe it. Lingering in the past, the prior darkness and sadness would not help her to accomplish anything here. If she was going to change things, she had to focus on that and not on everything she lost. After all, it was the cardinal rule she lived by. You have to keep going because if you stopped, you had time to think...too much time to think and she couldn't let herself drown. Lexa wouldn't want her to.
"I know. I can't keep living in the past," she replied with a small smile. "It won't do me any good." It wouldn't do anyone here any good if she could not give her all to this place. They needed extra medical personal and Clarke was more than looking forward to participating in her original, primary dream again. The moments helping her mother in the infirmary, providing care, sometimes immediate to those who needed help were some of the most memorable, if not proudest moments of Clarke's life. Since she hit the ground, she'd done little saving and much more the taking of lives. In most cases, it was a "do or die" situation and Clarke had no choice. In others, like Atom, it was a mercy killing, to spare him the pain and agony of a slow death from the fierce burns caused by the poisonous gas. It was the same for Finn; by stabbing him in the heart, Clarke gave him a quick death instead of a slow, painful thousand sword cuts that was Grounder tradition. Even if done for the best of reasons, dealing in death never sat well with Clarke. Killing Finn, someone she loved, had been one of the hardest things she had to do. The hardest? Mount Weather. She didn't do it alone, but Clarke had a horrible habit of shifting the majority of the blame upon herself and though Bellamy shared in that horrible action, Clarke saw herself as the true enemy. She believed herself the true villain in it all.
The shift of shirt and flash of more skin did not go unnoticed by Clarke and the blond swallowed. Pupils dilated and she reached out, slender fingers brushing along exposed flesh gently. It had crossed her mind that she'd been contemplating kissing the other girl since the moment she'd settled in beside her. Those large eyes and smile captured Clarke and it was only now, no longer drowning in her self-hatred that she'd felt rather hypnotized by the other woman. The feel of skin was soft and warm; it was comforting. Clarke leaned in, savoring the feel, the electricity, and gave Darcy a small smile. "I don't know. Maybe..."