Blossom (redhdrevolution) wrote in paradisolog, @ 2016-10-24 21:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | luke skywalker (sonofasith), mara jade (redhdrevolution) |
Who: Mara Jade and Luke Skywalker
When: Saturday night around sundown
Where: The waterfall
What: Confessions
Rating: PG 13 for talk of rebellion, nasty Emperors, that kind of stuff and some making out
It had become a habit. Ever since the night that the bonfire had included Nick’s keg of beer, Mara and Luke rarely went. They usually met there but then wandered off under the pretense of exploring the island. Things had been explored all right but not necessarily the island itself. There had been a lot of kissing but over the course of the past few weeks (and some weeknight excursions) things had progressed a bit further. Mara was still reluctant to let things go below the waist but Luke didn’t seem to mind. She had begun to realize that she had feelings for him, that he might be the person she could trust enough to give herself to completely but before she could do that, she had a lot to tell him. Despite her conversation with Phil and the fact that he’d told her that if Luke was the one, he’d understand, she was scared. What if he walked away from her? Even though the things that were going on at home were a million miles away and had nothing to do with where they were, she couldn’t help but worry. She had to tell him and it needed to be soon. They were at the waterfall tonight, a favorite spot of Mara’s, lying on the grass and kissing when she suddenly pulled away. “We need to talk,” she blurted out. When Luke had first met Mara, he'd thought she was kind of irritating and interesting all at once. She seemed to make him angry more often than she didn't, but even then, he liked being around her. He wasn't even sure what it was, but the more time they spent together, the more the feeling grew. Especially once they'd started kissing. Luke had done some kissing before. He wasn't completely inexperienced. Kissing Mara, though? He could swear it almost felt as though they were one person when they were together like this. It was better than any of the other girls he'd been with. Even when it was just kissing, he'd felt that way, but he definitely didn't object when they'd started to do more than that. He groaned audibly when she rolled away from him and made that proclamation. “When a girl says that, it's never a good thing,” he said, wondering why they had to talk. Couldn't they just go back to making out? That sounded like a lot more fun. She wasn’t sure what to say to that because this could end up being good or bad depending on how Luke took it. All Mara knew was that she had to tell him, she couldn’t let things go any further than they already had without telling him. “I guess it’s not all bad,” she said. “But it’s not really good either.” Mara reached for her shirt and pulled it over her head. It just made more sense to not talk about this half naked. “I need to tell you some things about me. About who I was at home, what I did. You may hate me when this is over but I really hope you don’t.” she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them as if to protect herself from his reaction. “I don’t know anything about my family,” she began. “I was taken from them when I was little. I got sent to Coruscant and I was placed with some other kids like me in the Imperial Palace. We went to school there but it wasn’t just school. We learned about other stuff, how to kill people, be spies….but I was different. I ended up in a different group because I could do something that the others couldn’t. I could sense things. Like I always knew if we were in danger or something was wrong and I could always tell where the Emperor was. I could communicate with him telepathically. No one knew why or how but I could. He took me out of the class and made me a dancer at the Court. All the others though that we were….” she shuddered. “We weren’t. I knew he was evil but I was still in his power because I had no place else to go. They called me the Emperor’s Hand, I went on missions for him, I killed people, I got intel on the Rebellion...I...I was on the Death Star for weeks and left just a few days before it blew up.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t like the person I was becoming but I didn’t have the chance to be anyone else. Then Arva came and that’s how I ended up here.” Mara looked up at him in the twilight and searched his face. “I can sense you too by the way. I know where you are, I can’t read your mind but I can sense your feelings. Except right now I can’t because I’m afraid to. I want you to know one thing though.” Mara took a deep breath. “I’m not that person anymore. I would never hurt you and I never slept with the Emperor. I’ve never slept with anybody. Which is kind of strange around here but it’s true.” She’d told it all and she let out a breath. “Please don’t hate me,” she whispered. Luke could only stare at her in shock for a while. His immediate reaction was that of anger and betrayal. How could she work for that man? How could she do those horrible things for him? It was an effort to make himself keep listening to her without interrupting, but the more she talked, the more his anger started to fade a little. It wasn’t completely gone, though, and he wasn’t sure he could look at her the same way. “I blew up the Death Star, Mara,” he said softly. “We were on opposite sides.” Hearing that she’d served the Emperor broke his heart. He didn’t know if he could find it in him to get past that. At the same time, he realized that he wanted to try. “I don’t hate you,” he said honestly. Whatever he felt about what she’d just told him, that much was true. He didn’t hate her. He wasn’t sure if he was capable of it, even after what she’d just told him. “I know you did,” she said softly. “Although I had no idea until I met you here. We’d just talked about that but you left before I could tell you anything about myself.” Mara could sense his feelings, she knew that he was having a hard time dealing with what she’d told him but she also knew that he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t hate her and that was a relief.” “I didn’t do any of those things by choice,” she told him, looking him in the eyes. “It was the only life I knew, the only one I was ever given a chance to know. I have no idea where I was born, who my parents are, if I have brothers and sisters, nothing. None of us that the Emperor took was ever told. We weren’t even really allowed to talk to each other. I wasn’t the only one that served as the Emperor’s Hand. There were others but we didn’t know who they were.” She stopped for a moment, trying to put her feelings into words. “After I saw the Death Star, after I knew what it could do…..I questioned my purpose...I had to hide it because the Emperor could read me as much as I could read him. He was too busy planning to destroy the galaxy to check up on me” It had been the first time in a long time that she’d had any peace. “I couldn’t leave, he would have found me and he would have killed me. I understand that now, I understand why Arva came for me. I would have tried to walk away from it all and I would have died. So here I am and she gave me a chance to start over.” For the first time, Mara let herself hope that maybe, just maybe she could start over with Luke. Even if he drove her crazy, she was beginning to see that she had feelings for him even if she couldn’t name them. She knew this whole time and she hadn’t told him? That stung, but he supposed he could understand. Somehow, he could sense her feelings, he could see she had been afraid. Everything she told him, he could tell that she meant it. He didn’t know how he knew she wasn’t lying about any of it, but he did. He could also feel that she cared about him. This connection between them wasn’t something he understood yet. It was similar to the connection he felt to Leia, but also really different. It felt different. He wished he knew what that meant. Luke was quiet for a moment, but when he spoke again, he took her hand in his. “I never knew my parents, either,” he told her. “My aunt and uncle raised me and they were killed, because- because we’d bought a droid that had important information for Leia. They’re the only family I ever knew.” He didn’t know why he’d told her that. Maybe she already knew. Maybe he wanted her to know he understood never knowing your parents, even if her childhood sounded even lonelier than his had been. He’d had his aunt and uncle and his friends, at least. “Did they tell you anything about your parents?” Mara was curious. She hadn’t known anything about Luke’s family, they hadn’t gotten that far before and even though there were people here who knew things about both of them from the movies and books that existed, she had taken Phil’s advice to heart and hadn’t asked anyone anything. “And I’m sorry about your aunt and uncle. That must have been really hard for you.” She was glad when he took her hand, it made her feel better,, the touch calmed her and she knew that he believed her. It was a relief to know that. “I’ve heard of Leia,” Mara said. “I knew her from the Senate. I never met her but I saw her a couple of times. She’s the same age as me and she’s a Senator, the youngest one they ever had.” It didn’t click at first but then she tilted her head and looked at Luke. “We’re the same age, aren’t we? Nineteen? It sounds so young but we’ve lived through a lot.” “Obi-Wan told me Darth Vader killed my father.” He tried not to show how much that affected him. He’d been glad to finally have some answers about what happened to his dad, but it wasn’t like he remembered him or like he’d even ever known him. He’d spent his whole life feeling like something was missing until meeting Leia and Han and getting involved with the rebellion. “Yeah, we have,” he agreed. Sometimes, he felt a lot older than he was. “I still can’t believe Wedge has a kid,” he added. That was kind of crazy to him, but he knew his friend was happy. The name sent a chill down Mara’s spine. She’d met Vader and while she wasn’t scared of a lot of things, he frightened her like no one else ever had. “At least you know that much,” she said. “Maybe someday you can avenge his death.” It might not be something that Luke would want to do but Mara knew that if she were in his shoes, she would want to do that. She smiled when he mentioned Wedge’s baby. “She’s so cute. I’ve seen her around with her mom. Have you known Wedge a long time?” Mara hadn’t known him before coming to the island but she knew he was from their world. Luke nodded. “Since we were kids,” he admitted. Some people would probably say he was still a kid, but he didn’t really feel like one, anymore. “It’s still really weird that he’s so much older here. Two years doesn’t seem like a long time until something like this happens” He brooded over her words about vengeance, torn between wanting just that and knowing that a Jedi shouldn’t think about things like that. Not that he was a real Jedi. Obi Wan had taught him some things, but there was still a lot he needed to learn. Now that he was here, there was no one to teach him. It was the one thing that had made him hesitate in coming, but he was glad he’d made the choice he had. “I know there are people here who know things about my future,” she said. She still thought about what Peter had told her. She’d have a lightsaber one day but she was not a Jedi, she’d never known a Jedi although she’d heard rumors that the Emperor had been one when he was younger. Who knew if that was true though? “I don’t want to know about it though. I’d rather concentrate on the here and now. I didn’t understand how much I wanted to change my life until I came here. I want to learn who I am without any expectations, to have the freedom to make my own choices.” And to figure out why it was that she couldn’t seem to stay away from Luke. When she wasn’t with him, she felt as if part of her was missing but when they were together, it felt right. They were connected, she knew that, but how? “Concentrating on the here and now sounds nice,” he admitted. It meant not thinking about the past or the future. That was a part of why he’d come here. He wanted to help Mara figure things out if he could, but mostly he just wanted to get to know her better. Despite what she’d told him, that was still true. He didn’t even really want to think about who she’d been before because he didn’t think that was really who she was. He scooted closer to her then, reaching over to touch her face. “I might have some ideas on how we can do that right now,” he suggested, smiling a little as he started to lean in to kiss her again. “I like the way you think,” she said as she met him halfway and leaned into the kiss. At least now he knew and Mara was glad of that. She wasn’t the person she’d been at home or the person she might become in the future there. She was just Mara here and she was perfectly content with that. Right now though, she had something else to focus on and she stopped thinking about anything at all other than kissing Luke. |