Christine Chapel, RN (chapelrn) wrote in paradisolog, @ 2016-10-17 19:46:00 |
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Five days was all that Christine would allow herself. She knew that if she waited any longer, she would change her mind and she'd made a promise both to herself and to Arva. Right now, she wasn't emotionally prepared to be a parent even if she'd begun to question that. Deep inside, she was making the right decision. Arva could give Christopher things that she and Barry couldn't, he'd be taken care of, he'd be loved and she'd been assured that he in turn would know about them and that they loved him. She'd cherished every moment they'd had with him, filing them away so that she could pull them out when it didn't hurt so much. How long that would be, Christine didn't know but at this particular moment, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to think about him without feeling as if someone had taken part of her heart. They were waiting for Arva in the agreed upon spot, Christine holding Christopher close. Barry was beside her and she leaned against him slightly, needing both his physical and emotional support in this moment. "I'm going to miss him," she said softly, looking down at the sleeping face of their son. "it's only been five days but already it feels like he's always been with us." She felt Barry put his arm around her and she looked up at him, seeing her own sadness mirrored in his eyes. Christopher looked so much like him, she thought and she wondered if that would change as he grew older. She'd never know unless Arva allowed those who had placed their children with her to peek in on them. No one had as far as she knew but maybe when she wasn't hurting so badly, she'd contact the goddess and ask. Right now though, there were more important matters at hand. A light appeared Christine instinctively shielded Christopher's eyes from it. When it dimmed, Arva was standing there, smiling at them. There was a sense of peace about her and Christine felt it wrap around her, knowing that it was Arva's way of reassuring them. She gave them both a chance to hold their son for a few more moments, to talk to him, tell him whatever they wished to tell him, and to kiss him goodbye. When the time came to put him in Arva's arms, Christine stepped forward and with a deep breath, she gently placed him in the arms of the goddess. "I love you," she whispered to him, letting her fingers gently stroke his cheek before she turned to walk back to Barry's side. When she turned around, Arva was gone and she closed her eyes to hide the tears that were threatening."He's going to be fine," she said. "Arva will be good to him, she'll take good care of him." Barry gave her hand a squeeze and she finally let herself relax and put her arms around him and hold on tight. She hadn't wanted to cry, she'd wanted to be strong, to rest in the assurance that she'd done what was best for their son but right now, she couldn't and she let go and cried in Barry's arms. When she was done, she looked up at him and brushed a tear off his cheek. This was just as hard for him and she knew that. "Thank you," she whispered. "for Christopher, for everything." They hadn't discussed anything past this, Christine cared about Barry, he meant a great deal to her but she wasn't in love with him. They'd always be close, they might even decide to have another child together someday but that would be a while. Right now they were going to help each other through this and she took a shaky breath and nodded. "Let's go home," she said as she took his hand and they started to walk back to the camp. |