WHO: Isaac and Finnick WHAT: Talking about fatherhood, etc. WHEN: Friday afternoon WHERE: The building site WARNINGS: None STATUS: Closed, Completed Gdoc
Isaac had thought that he and Ella would be giving up the baby. When he’d gotten her pregnant he know that they’d said they would discuss it, but he didn’t really think it would really be an issue. He’d been almost certain that they would be giving the baby up to Arva.
Apparently he’d been wrong.
He knew that he could come out and tell her in no uncertain terms that he refused to keep the baby, and he knew that she’d go along with it. But he also knew that she wouldn’t have brought it up if she didn’t want to keep it, so he would feel like a douche for saying no. Apparently, he wasn’t really getting a choice in this whole fatherhood thing.
Which was really stressing him out.
After not sleeping most of the night, he made his way down to where he was helping some of the other guys with the building. He didn’t realize how distracted and kind of overwhelmed he was until he almost dropped a log on Finnick’s foot.
“Hey, sorry, man.”
***
Finnick was enjoying being out of the cabin and working with other people on a project again. Not that he didn’t love Clark and want to spend time with him, but all day was getting to be a bit much. Besides, Chloe didn’t need him around all the time anymore, and sometimes he felt in the way at home. So it was good to have a project that took him away from home for at least a few hours a day. And on the off chance that he was needed at home, he was just a quick message on the bracelet away.
He enjoyed the camaraderie of the worksite, being with other people and working on a project together that would benefit the whole community. He was nailing the brackets for the previous course of logs into place when someone dropped a log just inches from his foot.
“Hey, man, watch out!” Even though he was wearing his steel toe safety boots, he really didn’t want to test them that way.
He saw that it was Isaac, and noticed that he kind of looked like hell. “What’s wrong with you today?” He asked, half annoyed and half concerned.
****
Isaac at least had the decency to look chagrined. He shrugged a little, foisting the log away from them and making completely sure that it was no longer endangering Finnick’s foot.
“Ella and the baby,” he said, feeling an overwhelming need to throw the log and break something with it. “She’s talking about wanting to keep it.”
***
“Oh.” Finnick had some sympathy. Becoming a father for the first time could certainly throw you for a loop. “And I take it that’s not what you were expecting? Did you talk about it before?”
Finnick couldn’t imagine not talking about something as important as that and making sure you were on the same page before you got a girl pregnant. He and Chloe had talked about, decided, and then still waited several weeks more just to make sure the timing was right.
***
“Well, we said we’d talk about it after she got pregnant,” he said. “Which I took to mean that we wouldn't keep it and we’d just give it to Arva.”
Which was, yeah, a stupid assumption, but he hadn’t really thought anyone sane his age would want to keep a baby. Apparently he was wrong.
“And I’d be an awful father.”
***
Well, that didn’t make any sense at all. Why would anyone just assume something like that? But Finnick had the diplomacy not to actually say that.
“Uh, yeah, it’s tough if you’re not on the same page about stuff like that.” That was putting it mildly, he thought.
“You don’t know that.” He shook his head. “If you’re here, Arva must think you’d make a decent father.”
***
“Or maybe she just thought I had good genes and would be strong and a good help around here.” He shrugged, looking away a bit and shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Look, I have no idea how to be a good father. It’s not like I can look to my dad. He was kind of a dick. And he got murdered, which he kind of - no, totally - deserved. My only regret over his death is that I didn’t get to be the one who killed him.”
***
“No one has any idea how to be a good father. You just have to make it up as you go along.” Finnick sighed. “It sounds like your father was terrible. Mine wasn’t nearly as bad, but I still don’t want to be just like him.” Finnick’s father had been been overwhelmed taking care of four teenage boys after their mother died, and he had responded to the challenge by getting stricter and harder with the boys at just the time when Finnick had needed the opposite.
“I want my son to always know how loved he is, and I’ll have to find my own way of doing that. After all, this is a new society, so I figure how we raise our children will be different here too. The good news..” He said with a grin, “Is that babies are really easy to love.”
***
“They kind of look smelly, gross and annoying to me, honestly,” Isaac said, shrugging. “But regardless, what if I turn into my dad? What if that’s just in my genes and i’ll do horrible things the second I see a kid?”
He knew that wasn’t how he wanted to be, but maybe his dad hadn’t wanted to be that way either. After all, even Isaac’s father hadn’t started out bad.
“And i’m afraid Ella will be disappointed in me too.”
He knew that she thought more highly of him than he deserved. Maybe this would be the thing that showed her that.
***
“They’re not smelly and gross!” Finnick exclaimed, slightly offended on Clark’s behalf. Clark was cuddly and beautiful and wonderful and surely anyone could see that.
“I mean, yeah, ok, if they need a diaper change, but not the rest of the time.” Hey, the guy was going to be on an island full of babies, whether he had one of his own or not. He’d probably get to like them eventually.
“I really don’t think it’s in your genes. You have a choice what you do. And, again, Arva wouldn’t have brought you if you were doomed to be horrible to kids.” Finnick really trusted Arva about stuff like that.
“You really should talk to Ella. She has a right to know how you feel about it. Maybe she’ll still want the baby even if you don’t feel like you can be involved. But maybe not.”
***
“I can’t let her have my kid and not be involved,” Isaac said. He was pretty adamant about that. He wasn’t going to be an absent dad. He wouldn’t do that to the kid, but more importantly he wouldn’t do that to Ella. “I mean, I got her pregnant so I have responsibility.”
Whether he wanted it or not.
“And yeah, I know, everyone has choices. But...they’re guided by other things. There is stuff in our genes that makes us act one way or another. We talked about that in biology.”
Not that he really understood it, but they had.
***
Finnick nodded. Understood that. He felt the need to be involved with his kids too. Or kid. He only had one, but if he did ever have more he was sure he’d be just as involved with them. “Yeah, I mean, I agree you have a responsibility to her. But you both have a responsibility to each other to be honest about these things. You should discuss it.”
Finnick shook his head. “I don’t know much about genes. But I know you have a choice.” He considered before he added this next part. “Maybe you should try being around baby before you decide.”
***
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he said. And he did, really. He knew that he needed to talk with her, that talking was always the best thing to do when you had feelings. but he also knew that when and if he did talk to her, she’d be able to sway him and there was a good chance he wouldn’t get around to saying things that he knew needed to be said.
He sighed.
“Be around a baby? Like, hang out with one? Take it out for drinks or something? Or...do you mean like...babysit?”
*** Finnick laughed hysterically at the idea of Isaac taking Clark out for drinks. Or any baby really. When he could stop laughing for a minute he managed to choke out. “That might be difficult since he only drinks breast milk.” Then had to stifle giggles for a couple more minutes before continuing.
“Babysitting might be too much. I mean, to me babysitting means that you’re responsible for the baby and the parents leave you alone with it. That’s a lot of responsibility for someone with no experience taking care of a baby. I meant, just come over and hang out with me when I’m taking care of Clark. Maybe hold him for a while. I’ll be there, so if he cries or you don’t like it I can take him back. That would be a lower stakes way for you to get to see what it’s like being around a baby.”
***
Isaac particularly liked that idea. He liked not having to be around the baby for very long, and having a back up there in case it started screaming or doing something that he didn’t know how to stop. Or if it started puking, or leaking smelly liquids from other random orifices.
“I...I could try that, I guess.”
***
Finnick was glad that Isaac seemed to be warming up to his suggestion. He didn’t know if it would help with the underlying issue with Ella, but it couldn’t hurt. “Great!” He smiled.
“Why don’t you stop by tonight, after we finish work but before dinner. He’s usually awake then.”
***
“Yeah...yeah, I can do that.” At least right now, he could give this one back. And maybe it would teach him once and for all if he could do this or not.
***
“Great.” He clapped Isaac on the shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight, then. For now we better get back to work.”