Ruby felt for all the world like she'd been slapped at that, she supposed it hadn't been how he meant it but making that some kind of new faith or new obsession?.
"Thats not fair" she told him looking away "Its not, and its not what I'm doing. I'm not filling that void with anything because thats not how it works, its not that easy. And trust me when I say I see what the old habits lead to. We're...never gonna be close. Thats not possible, and yes that hurts cause I had a friend, a good friend, maybe the one that knew me best next to you, or...I guess, knew who I was pretending to be. But I get it, he's not constantly on my mind anymore but I will want to help him, I will want to defend him and maybe its cause of how much I owe him now. But I have different priorities now. I honestly do."
Maybe she wasn't explaining it right, maybe she didn't know how to be honest, she'd been out of practice until a few months ago, before that most everything she was had been a lie, all that had been real were her friendships she'd built, and her love.
"I just...you said you understand why talking to him is so vital for me, so how about trusting what I said just now. How about if you think I'm pushing him, tell me, and I'll walk away. I made the same offer to Faith. Just let me try with him. Is that such a bad thing?, you can see inside my head Cas, you know who I love. I don't love Sam, not like that. Can't you just...hold to that knowledge?"
She shiverred again, "Do you worry that I fell in love with you when I still had faith in your brother?. Because I thought we'd talked through that. I'm not transferring or anything. I never was."