It was frustrating on so many levels, hurtful on others and again Faith wished there was some kind of guide book that could tell her what the right thing to say would be here. She wasn't good at this, the whole emotional connection thing. Less than 18 months ago, before she had arrived in the city, she didn't even really have anyone close enough that she could feel able to confide in. It had been the city, it had been friends like TK not letting her push them away that had allowed her to be emotional and let people in. And she was still learning how to do it.
As it was she hesitated before replying, her hand feeling strangely cold without Sam's, as the server delivered the pizza before hurrying away, clearly uncomfortable being around a couple having such an obviously intense conversation. The smell of the pizza was tempting, even if Faith found she didn't have much appetite.
"More than anything, I want to make us work," she began slowly, almost hesitantly as she tried to find to find the right words. "You and me, what we have, it's worth fighting for. Even with everything that's happened. But if we are gonna work, then I think you need to trust us a bit more," she looked up at him with a faint frown. "This idea, that you need to protect us all, that you have to be the one to save us, isn't that what caused most of this in the first place? It's not down to you alone to keep everyone safe, Sam. We need to work together, you need to trust in the rest of us to keep each other safe too. Maybe Ruby is out to get us, maybe she will take revenge. We're all very aware of that chance, it doesn't fall to you to take it all."
Faith shifted awkwardly, her fingers twisting around the paper napkin on the table. It did sting, to know that Ruby had had that much power over Sam and she just wasn't sure what to make of the admission that if Sam had been in his right mind he wouldn't have allowed her to get away with everything she did. Was that progress? Or an excuse? Or somehow, both? It was so hard to tell sometimes, things could start out as one but become the other.
"It scares me, you know? How much I lost you to her before. Yeah, she could have told you to do a lot and you probably would have to get more blood. You'd have probably screwed her if she'd told you to. I know that, I know that by the end I was barely in your head as it was. And I don't wanna lose you to an obsession with her again. Even if it's a different type of obsession. Being obsessed with figuring her out. It's just as dangerous and just as likely to end with you pushing the rest of us away, with pushing me away."
She took in a deep breath, trying to look and sound more confident than she was, even if she did feel torn up inside. "Honestly, I do wish you could just walk away and pretend she doesn't exist so we really can put the affair behind us. Even with you being that messed up, and not knowing what you were doing, being that intimate with her behind my back was an affair, and it really did hurt, more than just about anything. But I do get why you can't, I do. So I guess this is an intervention. Because I won't lose you to an obsession with her, not again. If you want to figure her out or whatever, I'm not gonna let you do it on your own. Doing that is just gonna drive us both crazy."
Not that she was entirely sure how that would work, in the real world. She wasn't sure how much she would even be able to handle. Her emotions, her heart didn't come with extra Slayer strength. She did come with a stubborn bloody mindedness, that was really probably more Irish than Slayer, that refused to give up without a fight.