"I don't know if I can." Exasperated, she covered her eyes, running her hands down her face before clearing her throat. A moment of silence, and then she took in another breath, looking back over at Lindsey and daring to hold his gaze. Resigning. "If we can prevent this, that's all that matters."
Reaching over, she picked up one of his hands, weaving her fingers through his. Cathy didn't want to talk, didn't want to have to share with him the details she was trying so hard to forget. That somehow validated them, more so than they already were. When she finally began to talk, her voice was quiet.
"Izzy was just a baby. You saw her, she was so vulnerable, and little, and--...they'd been messing with us for a while. Wolfram and Hart. They started projecting these nightmares onto her, visions, like they did to us last winter?" She could still see her so clearly, screaming in his arms, terrified, unable to wake up. "She saw your death. My death. 'Monsters' taking her away. And we--...we couldn't do anything, she was sick, she wasn't sleeping, and you..."
Her eyes closed, voice disappearing out from under her. She swallowed hard. "You went to deal with it." Shaking her head again, she gave a short laugh, devoid of any humor. "It worked. She was asleep in our bed by the time you got home, and I knew you'd worked something out with them, but I didn't think it'd...I thought it was just another bump in the road. Something we'd have to get through before things could be normal again."
Now that she was talking, it was impossible to stop. She was wanted to get everything out, to lay it all on the line. At least then, it wouldn't be bottled up inside her anymore. Suffocating.
"You gave them your life for ours." The anger was directed at him this time as she spit out the words, the heat rising in her face. How dare he make that decision alone, have so much faith in her to believe that she'd be strong enough to make it on her own? She knew she'd never have forgiven him for that, despite his reasons, despite the fact that she'd have done the same thing for them. "Wolfram and Hart promised that they'd leave us alone forever, and you got to spend one more night with us before they--...before you died."
Their last moments together as a family, the child held tightly in his arms as they said their goodbyes, was burned into her memory. Against her will, a handful of tears escapes, sliding silently down her cheeks. "You loved her so much."