"It wasn't about being better than him." Dean said quietly. Maybe it was on the surface, maybe that's what Dean told himself, but it wasn't some sort of contest to see who was the better man or survivor of hell or whatever. "I did what I had to do. I did what I had to do to go home to Ben every night and see that awe he had of me and not feel worse." It had been the hardest decision he had ever made, leaving Alastair whole when he died, but he was still proud of it.
"So he wasn't the one I punished. After I decided to try this whole being human thing again, he got to go out looking good. That doesn't take away from the fact that I punished everything I could get my hands on for ten years. Men. Women. Demons. Things I made become demons. I did it because I was hurting. They hadn't done a damn thing to me, hell they might not have done a damn thing to anyone, but I was hurting and had to get it out somewhere. I know what that's like, Claire."
He reached out, putting his hand on her arm. "Sometimes I still want to hurt people, Claire. Sometimes I still do dumbass things to lash out when I'm hurting, or threaten to go do that. I know you do..but honey? I'm telling you, it won't help, not one damned bit."