Who: Faith Lehane and Doctor Keeler (NPC) What: Therapy session number three When: BACKDATED to Monday September 25th 2006 Where: Doctor Keeler's office Rating: PG13 Status:Narrative- COMPLETE
It was slightly different this week. Faith had been in bed with Sam when she'd abruptly remembered she was due a session with Doctor Keeler. In a rush, she'd made her way out of the house, just telling him that she had an appointment, over her shoulder as she left, having to speed slightly so she wouldn't be late. With the morning LA traffic, she barely made it in time, just making it through the office door as the clock outside chimed ten am.
The doctor merely watched her calmly, with faint amusement as Faith caught her breath.
"Everything alright?"
Faith gave her an almost exasperated look as she sat down, brushing her hair back from her face. "Traffic."
"I see." Doctor Keeler gave her a pointed look before Faith realized her shirt was on inside out. She blushed deeply as she turned away, adjusting her clothes.
The older woman smiled slightly, sitting back in her chair as she waited for the Slayer to be ready. "So how are you today, Faith?"
Faith took a deep breath, getting gradually used to this portion of the session. "I'm doing okay, mostly I think. Some stuff's been playing on my mind, but it's not as bad it things have been."
"What sorts of things?"
The Slayer shrugged awkwardly. "Old stuff. Boston and all. Some of the things last week made me think about it. And there's this movie coming out this week, Scorsese's new one. It's meant to be about that. Do you think it's weird that I want to see it?"
"Do you think it's strange that you want to?"
She considered it a moment, biting her lip as she stared into the distance. "I don't know," she finally said after a long pause. "I hated so much of it growing up. The violence, the drugs, all of it. But I guess I want to see it, more detached or something, I don't know."
"Have you often had trouble letting go of the past?"
Again, there was an awkward shrug. "The past is kinda what defines us, isn't it? It's what makes us who we are."
The doctor watched her a moment, those sharp green eyes staring directly at Faith. "Those are two different statements."
Faith supposed they were. "But don't you ever find that history can repeat itself? Even when every other factor has changed, some things you can't just escape from." Gable and Angelus. Kakistos and Toru. Some patterns kept repeating themselves.
"Do you think that the repeating history happens to everyone, or do you consider maybe it's something you can't let go of and that's why it feels like it's repeating?"
Faith glanced up angrily. "You saying it's my fault?"
"Are you?"
That response floored her for a moment and Faith sat back, unhappily. "Maybe some of us deserve to have the same old crap happen over and over again."
The doctor didn't say anything. She didn't have to. Faith suddenly realized that maybe this was what therapists referred to as a breakthrough.
"Sometimes, things happen. And even though they're accidents, stuff gets really bad. Too bad and no matter what else happens, you can't make it right. And maybe, that's what karma is. A bitch who doesn't let you forget the past and every hurt you ever laid onto other people comes back on you. Because some people don't deserve to be happy, because what they did was too bad to let them be. And the more they try to cling onto the idea of happiness, the more karma decides to smack them one." Angelus. Ruby. "Sometimes people just deserve to be punished."
Doctor Keeler kept on watching her, occasionally scribbling some notes down on her pad. "So you believe that seeking redemption is pointless?"
"No," Faith half smiled. "Because the redemption isn't the point. It's the seeking it that matters. For some of us, our time will never be up." And maybe that was why she couldn't even truly be angry at Angelus. Terrified of him, yes, most definitely. But angry with him, not so much.
"How does it make you feel, the idea that your time will never be up?"
"It was my choice."
"You mean it's under your control," the doctor tilted her head to one side slightly as she frowned. "That seems to be a theme with you a lot, doesn't it? How do you react when you lose control?"
Faith breathed in sharply, drawing her knees up to curl more into the chair. "Badly."