"I'm sorry." He had to repeat it. The sight of those tears on her face - tears that certainly didn't belong there - had brought on another apology. Sam had difficulty keeping his eyes on her. He'd glance over every other couple seconds with the wish that she'd just stop crying echoing loudly in the back of his head. God, he wanted to pull her close and tell her that everything was gonna be all right. But how could he do that when he didn't even know?
"I won't," Sam insisted, "if there's that little bit of faith you've got left, please just use it to believe that. I swear to you, things are gonna be better." He was determined to see it through. Sam wasn't his strongest right now, he wasn't as mentally stable as he'd prefer, and he certainly didn't think he'd be able to put up a decent fight if Ruby came running at him with an open wound, but he did know that he wanted to do his best to change. He wanted to get better. That was what Castiel had said. Go back to his family and friends. The people that he loved. They were all that he had left, as much as he'd pushed them away. Sam needed them back. He knew they wouldn't come running. But with time and effort, maybe they would be able to learn to trust him again.
He didn't want to get his hopes up. But they were his family.
"Box seems like too nice of a sentence now," Sam muttered. He folded his arms over his chest, looking uncertainly over at the nearest seating opportunity. Would it be all right if he sat? He hesitated for a long moment before he stepped over and slumped into a chair. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Sitting was good. "All those Seals I've told you about. The stuff that Ruby said Lilith was doing back home." Sam rubbed at the side of his face, fingers massaging at the area she had struck earlier. "Ruby was training me up to kill Lilith. That's always been her story, right? Wasn't exactly a lie. She just conveniently forgot to tell me that Lilith was the final Seal. She wanted me to kill her. Break Lucifer out of his stupid cage. Apparently there was a plan or something where I was 'sposed to go back home...I was so strung up on her blood that I had no idea, you know? I was willing to do whatever. Probably would have let Lucifer right on out without - she used me, Faith. Never was any good for me. And, you know, if it was any other demon, it'd be all right. I'd have accepted the fact and moved on. But this is Ruby. She was..." He had trusted her. With his life. The lives of his family. His body and soul and his entire life that one time where he'd let her possess him. Everything.