She knew that, knew that he had to suffer like he was to come out the other side of it, yes he saw her as nothing other than a fix sometimes but that was okay, that was fine. She just had to help him through it.
His humanity was...
What was it?
"I don't..." she started, trying to somehow explain the reasoning. And then he said it, and shattered everything. Of course she'd knnown it was coming, known it from that first time he'd looked at her back in that warehouse. But hearing it, knowing for sure. It was more painful than she'd ever thought it could be. And inexplicably, all she could do to try and salvage things was tell him...
"We didn't sleep together"
It was something so basic, so obvious maybe that she didn't know what she'd hoped would happen, that somehow it would all be okay again and he'd forgive her?
"I know thats not why you're...ending it. I just mean that was the plan, seduce the one that got through Azazel's tests, make him trust me, and I didn't care about Heather or Faith, I would have...it would have made it all easier but...I didn't. I never did, and by that time he'd become a friend more than anything else. And I swear I never wanted to hurt you. I wish I..."
If he was going to kill her she wished he'd just do it quick. This, this was worse.
"I really do love you y'know. For what little thats worth. Thats the reason it was so hard, all of this. Because I love you"