No, no he couldn't be. He didn't do that. On intinct, forgetting the trap she got to her feet and moved to go to him, but of course in two steps she met the invisible wall.
"I didn't...I...Don't cry, please just..."
So much was spinning in her head, Everything she'd ever been taught, that faith she'd once believed unshakeable, Sam, and just how very proud she'd become of him, the darkness in his eyes that she had known was just a step, just needed. She'd gone through it, differently yes, but she'd lost herself and come out the other side.
Hadn't she?
Wouldn't he be the same?
"I was always told how he'd make everything better, Azazel knew how to make you almost...see it. He'd talk and it'd be like it was the only way things could be. And then with Sammy, oh he was so pleased when he got to Mary, made that deal. He did so much just to get Sam here, and Lilith, she did her part too. When they were here, I had to keep that trust I had, I couldn't let Sam hate me like them. But then somewhere in the middle of it all, I...couldn't let him hate me because...I started to care I guess, I do care about him y'know, and Ben, and...well, most of all you. And I don't know what I'm supposed to believe..."
She wanted him to hold her, tell her he was wrong and he would help her, that they could take Sam together and go, and free his brother, make the world better, tell her he'd been testing her.