"Azazel, Lilith, they made it sound so...Azazel spoke to him, in that church, he spoke to him, and he told me. He told me how it would be after everything and it was going to be beautiful. And then, he came here, and he told me I'd gone soft remember. Cause of you, cause I cared about Sam. I'm not supposed to care, I know that. I know but demons can love, and I did, and maybe...£
No. No he was making it up, sure there would have been war, and death and unimaginable suffering but not for her, not for Sam, not for the ones they loved. Why was he saying there was. Saying he would have been tortured, Ben. Ben
"Don't" she said, her voice suddenly small as she tore her eyes away from him they fixed on the floor unable to look into his, because she saw no lies in them, no hint of anything other than truth and it broke her heart.
"I was the best of them" she said, as if that knowledge would make everything else go away. "They all hated me Castiel, hated me so much and I kept going because I knew I was right, because I knew everything would be okay once he was free. Everything would be better"
He was saying it was all a lie, and she loved him, she loved him so much. More than she ever expected she could love anyone.
She was still shaking.
"You only...see one side of it though right, you see the other side of a war, of course you're gonna think it'll go bad, but I could have asked him, why wouldn't he reward me, why wouldn't he be proud?"
She finally let herself look up, tears brimming at black eyes in a weirdly twisted image.
"I love you, I really truly do. Please don't say all this, please don't..."