Screaming at Ruby in hopes she'd hear it hadn't made Ben feel better, it hadn't done anything more than open the floodgates on his feelings and make him feel worse for crying. He'd come here to take care of her and he hadn't been able to do that, nor did he want to accept why he hadn't. It hadn't just been about the tears blurring his vision, or Castiel's reasoning, it had been about the fact that even if he'd had the chance, he probably couldn't have done it.
Just like he could stop calling Sam his uncle and it not make Sam any less his family, he could say he hated Ruby for all she'd done and still feel something, rather than the absence of anything.
The struggling stopped as Ben just sagged into Castiel, hiding his face against Castiel's shoulder as he cried.
He didn't want Castiel to be sorry. He wanted Ruby to be sorry. He wanted Sam to be sorry. He wanted them both to be really, really freaking sorry, for them to apologize to everyone and to be able to believe they were. But he couldn't, not now, not after all of this. No one could, and that thought made him hold tighter still to Castiel, offering what small bit of himself he could in support, instead of just taking the comfort.
"Why?" That one sobbed out word was a question that perhaps no one could truly ever answer in a way that would change anything. Why couldn't Ruby have been something different after all, why had Sam believed after all he'd fought it that demon blood would do something else besides ruin everything, why did everyone have to trust Ruby and have it thrown in their faces, why did he and Cas have to love Ruby and have it mean nothing to her? All those why's and more and no answer would ever make this hurt any less.