He'd need to remember that, because she knew Sam. She'd get him back and he'd trust her, she'd put him in front of Lilith, watch as he killed her, and he'd trust her. But then when it started, when he realised what he'd done, he'd be furious. And she'd remind him of this, remind him that he swore not to change his mind about her, remind her that she cared, that not everything she'd done had been a lie, that she had done it all for him, because of just how special he was, because he was her friend.
"Okay. I know. And I know asking it sounds crazy, and I keep asking but I'm not used to caring"
That much was true, actual genuine truth, she didn't like lying to Sam, she had to of course, lately more than ever. But as much as possible she tried not to, with him and Castiel, And with Ben she had...streached the truth, and it had worked for a while, but maybe he was too like his father and grandfather to ever really trust her.
"I missed him. Stupid huh?, I thought about trying to find him, or find a way...but he'd pretty much just have killed me wouldn't he? So I just...I stayed there, and I tried everything I knew to get back here. Back to you both."