"I don't want you to kill them." She told him firmly while twisting her head so she could look at him.
She soon after placed it back on his shoulders; all too happy to be given some form of positive attention. "I think I'm in jealous. I don't know; jealous of Heather. She belongs to this family that seems to love her, and she even has her father back. Here I am, and I honestly feel like I don't have a family. I can't even look forward to my best friend ever coming here, because she killed Heather's dad." Alessa took a breath, and continued, "I mean, at least Heather was allowed to have hope that her father would come here. I don't have that option, except maybe the nurse that took care of me, but she probably hates me."
She closed her eyes, and softly said, "My birthday is on the 19th of next month. I'm preparing myself for the reality that I'll be spending it alone. I'll likely go to a coffee shop, maybe get myself a book, watch some T.V in my room." She said this with disappointment in her voice, but the next thing she said could be considered a bit shocking by some. "But you know the frightening part? I don't know if I could handle it, if people actually acknowledged that day. I'd get scared, and isolate myself," she gave out a rueful laugh, "Sad huh? I want people to acknowledge me on that day, but then I don't."
Another sigh escaped from her, and now tears were starting to form. "The worst part about this? I feel like, just feeling like this is me being selfish. I'm supposed to be this woman who helps people, who doesn't put herself first. But you know, I'm sick of it! All my life I've had to do things for other people. 'Alessa read the scriptures, Alessa kill people for mommy, Alessa become the mother of God, Alessa suffer for seven years, Alessa give birth to God, Alessa watch over my house, Alessa help protect the innocent, Alessa find so and so for me.'" During that little bit she was speaking in nasally type of voice.
"You know what I really want to do though? I want to go out to a barren spot somewhere, and stargaze."