WHO: Tenel Ka Djo and Mara Jade Skywalker WHAT: Tenel Ka needs to confide in someone, who better than a Jedi Master WHERE: Mara's Apartment WHEN: Mid Afternoon RATING: Low STATUS Log - Complete
Tenel Ka had had a troubling few days. The fact that Peter Petrelli was missing, kidnapped had brought back unpleasent memories for the Hapan. She had sensed Petrelli, in pain and she had felt helpless. And for a Jedi raised as a Dathomiri Warrior and grown to be Hapan Queen, helpnesses was a hated emotion
She hadn't gone to Jacen, he had been quiet lately, too quiet in her opinion, she worried when he got like this, but with Allana back, Allana from a future where she had taken the Hapan Throne she had been unable to connect with him. He hadn't let her. She hadn't gone to Jaina, she was focused on Caedus it seemed, and much as it was nessacary to remove the threat he posed, Tenel Ka could not be around her as she planned the attack, Could help no more than she already had done.
And Anakin had gone. It pained her to think of it, Anakin back to Myrkr and Tahiri to her eventual fall to the Dark Side, she had hoped they could be happy here.
It left Mara Jade Skywalker, a woman Tenel Ka had been asked to call family. It was a nice gesture and Tenel Ka had decided finally to confide in her, She made her way to the womans apartments and knocked lightly on the door.
"Master Skywalker" she called.
Mara sensed Tenel Ka's approach before she knocked on the door and was pleased that at least there was no hesitation in the younger Jedi. She too had felt quite troubled with the apparent kidnap of Peter Petrelli and had attempted to reach out to him through the Force. But while she was a Master Jedi, she had never met the young man personally and that greatly hindered her ability to search for him through the foggy maze that was Los Angeles. Still, she had heard that Tenel Ka had aided in the search, a fact which pleased her greatly.
As did her arrival today. She wandered to the door, opening it and smiling at the other redhead.
"Tenel Ka," she greeted warmly. "Always a pleasure to see you, come on in."
Tenel Ka did so, stepping past the older woman into the apartment and decided to return to the customary bluntness she had been famed for since her childhood days at the Acadamy.
"I've come because...well I have been having problems focusing, even wth your training and meditations. Everything with Jacen and Allana. Caedus and everything he's been doing."
Everyone.That foolish woman, she thought for a moment brushing aside the thought as she continued.
"Its odd but... helping search for Petrelli, its the first time I've felt myself in a long while and it worries me"
She looked out the window to the cityscape view and sighed.
"I knew you wouldn't mind my confiding in you, and...well I didn't know who else to ask"
Mara watched her for a moment, her expression calm if concerned, even while inwardly she was relieved that finally Tenel Ka was realizing what she had been seeing for a while.
"You are always welcome to confide in me," she stated before leading them both to the seating area and the sofas there. Sitting on one, she gestured for Tenel Ka to sit as well as she looked at the woman.
"How did you feel, searching for Petrelli?" Best not to focus on the Jacen part just yet, that always tended to make both of them defensive. Instead Mara decided to try the other tactic, talking about the lost Champion of the city.
Tenel Ka did sit, realizing how much she had missed the guidence of the woman since her death.
"It was...It felt like I was doing something again. Being helpful in a way I had not been since taking the Hapan Throne. And I know I help in other ways as Queen Mother, but here, in this strange city I have found myself loosing my identity somewhat."
She looked away for a moment.
"I helped them with an interrogation Mara, a...non too pleasent one, Invading the thoughts of an enemy. Forcibly exerting my will. Yes it was a demon but it was still a sentient life. Its a tactic that ten years ago I would never have believed myself capable of. But then lately I have done a number of things like that"
She thought about how to explain it best, what she meant by this, and how worried she was.
"I suppose I wonder sometimes...if this is what I am supposed to be, if this was my purpose here. Jacen is...quiet lately, he has shut down in the Force, a skill, in truth I wish he had never learned, It worries me but there is little I can do unless he lets me, so I threw myself into the hunt for Petrelli."
Mara listened quietly, without judgment. Personally she couldn't fault the concept of using the Force to interrogate a demon like that, especially when the life of Petrelli was potentially at stake. Still, it seemed to bother Tenel Ka so she took her time before answering.
"Tenel Ka, I know that your focus has been Jacen, and that is understandable. But you have always been a strong woman, a Jedi Knight, the Queen of Hapes. You have always craved purpose and excelled when it's been given to you. Perhaps this dissatisfaction you have felt recently stems from the fact that all your focus lately has been on one other person, rather than focusing on maintaining your own strength and self."
"I craved independance too. I never wanted the Hapan Throne, You know how long I ran from it, I never wanted to be Queen. But thank you for saying I have excelled Master Skywalker, from you that is high praise"
She didn't know...Maybe Mara was right, she couldn't think of putting her focus anywhere else, not as long as she could keep him from falling again, to have him here again with her. It was more than she could ever have dreamed.
"You believe I have been neglecting myself, my place in things to focus on Jacen." she repeated. "...Have you long believed this?"
She didn't think so, but at the same time, he was her focus, of course he was. He and their daughter. Whatever else this strange city may throw at her she had made that her priority.
But back home she had other responsibilities.
Here perhaps she should as well.
"You have indeed always craved independence, and perhaps that is part of the problem here," Mara urged gently. "Do you truly have independence when everything you have is focused so completely on Jacen."
She held up a hand to pause any protest. "I am not saying turn your back on him, far from it. But maybe by devoting all of yourself to him you may be doing more harm than good. Keep a sense of yourself Tenel Ka. Remain that strong, independent woman my nephew fell in love with and give him a reminder of what he should be fighting to keep."
She smirked slightly and offered a small shrug. "It's been on my mind for a while. But I know how stubborn you can be, I figured it was best to let you come to this conclusion yourself."
"I just...What if he slips away from me, what if he falls to the darkness and once again I'm too distracted to notice. Jaina is focused on bringing down the Sith Lord he becomes but who focuses on Jacen If not me..."
It pained her, even thinking about it, she knew people worried about her, about the trust she was placing in him but she couldn't not.
"Independent...I was hardly that, Mara I agreed with him, for so much of what he did, I stood by him through the rounding up of Corellians on Courscant, interrogations, internment, Even when he issued Capture and Detain warrents for his parents he explained it and I believed him. I gave him most of the Hapan Fleets at my command, In the end all of them. I was his staunchest ally Mara and it took a burning world and his holding the Acadamy Hostage for me to notice, even when he killed...even...you were not enough and for that I am sorry, He was too good at lying, especially to me"
She paused, not wanting to admit her fears, but she had decided to come clean with Mara Jade Skywalker and that is what she would do " Han said once...he said Jacen died in the Vong War, they all agreed, even Jaina...but thats not true, it can't be, because if thats true then for many years I loved a monster, If thats true then Allana never truly had a father of worth and she did. He cared for her and he cared for me, If what Han said, and what the Jedi Order believe now to be true then I was more of a fool than I believed, and I am so scared that when Jaina is done with Caedus, if he doesn't kill her, then she'll come for Jacen since in the mind of the Order...he was already gone"
Mara was quiet for a while, listening to the Queen, before she finally spoke.
"I come from the very beginning of the Vong War so I cannot judge its effects on him. Maybe it was the beginning of the end. Maybe you and Allana were all that stopped the end coming sooner."
She stared at a point past Tenel Ka's head as she considered. "You are many things, but I would not call you a fool. Perhaps your role now is to be more independent than you were before. Question him, make him explain himself, rather than accepting his word as the absolute truth."
Her lips quirked in a lopsided smirk. "Do you think that Luke does not challenge me? Or I him? A true partnership is having the strength to defy each other and knowing that even the most fierce of arguments will not lessen your love. Love and support does not mean agreeing with everything he does, it means him trusting that when you question him, you do it with his best interests at heart."
She stood, and strode to the window, troubled once more at the thoughts of her Padawan. "Jaina will not come after Jacen." She stated, firmly, yet quietly. "Caedus is one thing, but Jacen is another. Nothing will happen without my say so." A humorless laugh escaped her, the irony not lost on her. "I am the only Master Jedi here and she will follow my orders."
"I know his word isn't absolute" she said softly, wondering if she believed it herself, Jacen had always been the one who knew with certainty the best course to take, the one who saw things in the Force no one else could. "But he came back to me after he'd been away for so long, found me on Hapes...snuck into my Palace grounds actually" she said remembering with a wry smile "...My guards never really did forgive him for that. My Suitors less so...and then, well even when he was rounding up Corellians and fighting the Confederation, he had time to secure my throne against attack, he helped me even then, he always did, and so I trusted him, I still do trust the Jacen that is here. And I can't and won't deny that I think he had the right idea about Corellia. Just...his method was flawed, he made the choice to listen to that...that woman if you can even still call her that"
Tenel Ka shook her head,
"Since when does Jaina Solo follow orders when her mind is set on something, even yours. She has decided he is manipulating me, and I know Jacen is...an accomplished liar when he needs to be, but he wouldn't lie to me. Not to me, And I won't let her take him from me again"
She gasped even as the word slipped past her lips. Again.
"I apologise Master Skywalker" she fnally said after a long moments pause, looking away.
Mara wasn't sure if she should be pleased or disturbed at the way.... was he Jacen or Caedus by then? The way her nephew had still defended his lover even among his other acts. Even if she was amused at the way he had apparently sneaked into the Palace. That was the Jacen she knew.
She sighed before looking at Tenel Ka. "I cannot and will not judge his actions with regards to politics I know nothing about," she stated calmly. "Corellia cannot be discussed as I just do not know what happened then."
That clarified she focused on the more important issue. Jaina's willingness to reject the bond with her twin to stop Caedus before he was even created. In truth she did not know if Jacen was manipulating Tenel Ka. She knew that the relationship caused her some concern, but beyond that Jacen had avoided her and so she could not comment.
And the fact that Jaina had killed Caedus once before was the most troubling of all. Mara suspected that that particular event happened in Tenel Ka's past, but this Jaina's future.
"Jaina will listen to me," she reiterated firmly. "I will tell her, not only as her Master but as her Aunt that no action against Jacen will be decided by any Jedi alone. For her to stand against her brother, before he has fallen to the Dark Side, is dangerously close to darkness for her as well. It will not happen."
"She's going to kill him though...Caedus, she came to me, asking me to tell her what she needed to know about him, She asked me, Mara. And I could only tell her so much...I don't want her to do it again, though I know she must. That I can deal with my own way. With Jacen...her fear is that he is too far gone already. But I know him. And yes it sounds like the trusting naivite of a lover but it isn't I assure you. He opened himself to me, completely and fully and he is not a Sith Lord. Not even nearly."
The Dark Side... Tenel Ka sighed
"I don't know how I can tell. I don't know, I have never fallen to the Dark, Because of Jacen I believed it didn't exist. He still believes that. The Jedi, the Sith, he says that has no bearing on the Force, that the Force is all encompassing and the choices one makes are what is light and dark. Its a nice theory. But then I remember Veregere, Lumiya... They make him into what he is. And I won't let Jaina assume he already has, I just won't, even if you do all think I'm being manipulated" she added, curious if Mara believed it too.
Mara frowned slightly, wondering at the insensitivity of, well, everyone in this situation. Caedus would have to be dealt with, she knew that. But quite how was not for one Jedi to decide alone. Either of them.
"I see the idea of actually communicating as a group seems to be somewhat lost," she muttered, frustrated with all of the younger Jedi. The temptation to hit all of their heads together was overwhelming.
"I know something of the Dark Side," she finally said, more loudly. "And I can tell you that the idea that it doesn't exist is foolishness. Pure and simple. You'd think that as a former Emperor's Hand I might have a little knowledge on the subject," she smirked wryly.
"In all honesty I do not know if you are being manipulated and I don't know if you're right about how far down that path Jacen has gone already. It is impossible for me to judge that without speaking with him myself so, until I know for sure either way, I am keeping an open mind."
"It made sense...he made sense and not just to me, He had a lot of people believing it, explained it so eloquently."
She didn't know how else to put it, but she thought maybe she could shed light on one thing.
"He avoids you because he fears what Caedus did...because I think he can't bear the thought of facing you here. He avoided Luke too. He even avoided Anakin. The fact that he even sometimes lets me in is more than I suppose I should hope for. With Jacen, you just need to catch him off guard, make it so he has to talk to you or turn away. He hates that. But it works." Mara shook her head slightly. With her past, the idea that there could be no Dark Side, it was just foolishness to her. But then, she supposed, she had lived with the Emporer and Darth Vader. They hadn't.
"One day I'll corner him then and make him face me," she smirked slightly before doing something quite rare for her. She turned around and gave Tenel Ka a hug.
"Sometimes I think he doesn't deserve someone as loyal as you. Very few would," she murmured. "He is very lucky to have you in his life."
Tenel Ka didn't expect the hug when it came...but it put her in mind of her mother. She did miss her sometimes, rather desperately. And her father. Right now she missed him more than ever.
"Loyal..." she repeated shaking her head "I betrayed him in the end...Caedus anyway..."
She didn't know what else to say, what did one say upon being hugged by a Jedi Master.
"Thank You...It is simply that I love him Mara...more than anything, he and Allana are my life...so where else would I be but by his side. I stayed until I couldnt anymore and it broke my heart. It destroyed a part of me to do it, and well....It scares me to think I would ever have to walk away from him again"
"No you didn't," Mara looked at her defiantly. "Tenel Ka, I know you. If you turned against Caedus it would have been because you had no choice and it was the right thing to do. That was not a betrayal."
She sighed and kept her arm around the younger woman. "I know you do. Which is partly why I am not going to let my nephew fall. Also because I have been told I am far too stubborn for my own good and will take it as a personal insult if he did."
She smirked, just slightly. "It'll be ok Tenel Ka. You just need to make sure that in trying so hard not to lose him, you don't lose yourself in the meantime."
Tenel Ka nodded slowly, it still felt like a betrayal, in every way it was possible to. It still broke her heart to think of it, and there was still something...something telling her she needed to be there for Jacen now more than ever. But she trusted Mara. Trusted that maybe she would help, maybe she could.
And she really was that stubborn.
"You are stubborn. Even in death you managed to prove a point to him, you didn't return to the Force until he arrived and had stood beside Luke and Ben, it...just took some of us a little longer to figure out why that was. So...Thank you Mara. For everything you do."