Alessa Gillespie (heretic_saint) wrote in parabolical, @ 2008-11-18 21:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | alessa gillespie, open |
Who: Alessa Gillespie, and OPEN
What: Feeling empty, Alessa thinks about things on top of a roof, and then jumps off.
When: Sometime in the late late night/early early morning.
Where: Roof of a random tall building, where it's not too crowded
Rating: TBD
Status: Thread; incomplete
It had been three days, give or take since Harry had returned, but for Alessa there was no joy to be had. Any that she had was quickly crushed when Harry practically accused her of bringing Dahlia to LA. It was also crushed when the man was more concerned about Heather than he was for even Cheryl. He had expressed his concern over protecting Heather, but not any for protecting Alessa/Cheryl. The young woman decided to rationalize it. She kept telling herself that Harry probably didn't offer her any protection, because she could take care of herself. That didn't help though. Fathers were supposed to protect their children; ALL of their children. They weren't supposed to just throw away one, because something about them changed.
All of the above had been contemplated while Alessa was on the top of a roof. She was sitting on the edge, with her knees against her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, and her head placed on her knees. She looked bored, and seemed to have no concern over the fact that she could easily fall at any moment. Her gaze was transfixed on the horizon, but her thoughts were solely on herself.
I feel like Cain, Alessa thought to herself. Ahh, yes, the age old Biblical story of Cain and Abel. Cain being the first born, and Abel being the lesser. Both worshiped God, both offered sacrifices, but God always chose Abel's to Cain's. Cain killed his brother, and was cursed to become a wanderer. In Alessa's strangely screwed up parallel, she was Cain, Heather was Abel, and Harry was God. Harry it seemed, always loved Heather. He didn't seem to love Alessa/Cheryl though. In Alessa's mind she had been rejected by him. Just as Cain had been rejected by God.
It didn't help matters much that some scholars believed Samael/Satan to be Cain's biological father, and Alessa's father also happened to be a non-human entity.
In her depressive state she hadn't bothered to reach out to anyone at the Hyperion. Everyone there seemed busy, and Alessa didn't feel like bothering them. She was also beginning to wonder if she really belonged there. She did her part with what needed to be done, even participated in patrolling, and when she was needed she would help. Despite that though, she didn't feel close to anyone there, except for maybe Peter. That was only because he was nice to her, talked to her, and made her feel welcomed. She soon wondered if maybe she should try to make more of an effort to be nice to people, but deep down inside they still scared her. Her thoughts soon drifted to ones about school, and then they wound up on her mother.
There was a sudden bout of nausea that came upon Alessa. She wanted so badly for the woman to go away, and never return. She would be happy if that happen. Still, there was that part of Alessa that wanted nothing more than for her mother to show her daughter the love and approval she so desperately craved. A shiver went through Alessa's body, and she swallowed the lump building up in her throat. She was NOT supposed to love this woman. She was supposed to hate her. Yet, she could not, because even though Dahlia had been abusive to her, she had done several good things for her. She used to read her stories, encouraged her to draw, let her play outside, and even encouraged her to make a butterfly collection. When Alessa excelled at something her mother would praise her, and when Alessa had killed that boy her mother protected her.
It was too much for her. She let out a scream, and then started to sob. She felt empty, scared, confused, sick, worthless, unloved, and unwanted. By the time she was done, her jeans were soaked, her eyes were red, and her nose was running. She sniffed, decided to gain her composure, and stood up. She now wanted to do something that would make her feel better (if only for the moment). "I'll just jump from this roof." She told herself dully.
The fall would be a good 50-60 feet down, but that wouldn't do anything. Before she could hit the pavement, her survival instincts would automatically kick in, and her descent would slow down. Still, she loved the rush of the fall. Alessa looked down, and was relieved to not see anyone around. With her arms outstretched, she stepped to the edge, closed her eyes, and fell forward. The sudden accelerated feeling made Alessa feel good, she felt like she was flying, and for that short moment she felt free. As expected, when she was ten feet from the ground her descent slowed down. She landed on the ground with a soft step unaware that someone had been watching her.