The idea of being free. God she wanted it. Wanted to be able to live, not looking over her shoulder for more cops, free to travel if she wanted. She smiled slightly at the thought before focusing back on the lawyer.
"Have you ever killed someone Lindsey?" She leaned forward, mirroring his pose and matching his confidential tone. "I don't just mean in a court room or the way Wolfram and Hart like to kill, from a distance. I mean, up close, and personal. Intimate. Have you ever watched the life bleed out of someone's eyes and have it be because of your hands? Do you know what that power rush feels like?"
She sat back slightly, even as she held his gaze. "I made him scream you know. Wesley. I burned him and I cut him and I beat him and I laughed when he screamed. And when he passed out I was just.... bored." She half shrugged. "Nothing more complex than that, baby. I'm not sayin' I don't feel the guilt after, but at the time, yeah, I really did enjoy making him hurt."
The memories of the latest fight with Buffy flashed through her mind, her hands around the other Slayer's neck as she held her head underwater. Fighting Gigi, kicking her back onto the axe and watching as she died.
"Hell, sometimes I still do."
She swallowed hard before standing up abruptly, starting to pace the room.
"Where do you see this going Lindsey? You get me off, I owe you some nameless favor? What, you're gonna get me to betray the others? 'Cause if that's how you wanna play it you can keep your damn offer, I don't want it. Just because I get the odd homicidal urge every now and then and enjoy the fighting more than I should, don't make me ok with becoming your assassin for hire again."
She paused in her pacing, just in front of his chair, eyeing him with a small smirk.
"Then again, why the hell would I even honor any agreement with you anyway? Hell, what's to stop me from getting what I want and just killing you then? Or even killing you now? Think you could stop me?"