It felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, and she hadn't even said much. She'd always spent so much time denying her growing feelings for Spike, feelings that surpassed lust by a long shot, and had culminated into what she knew to be love. She'd loved Angel and he would always remain a part of her, as would Riley, but they were no longer part of her life in that way. She had Spike now, and when it was good, she didn't even think about anyone else. She didn't need or want anyone else. It had taken her a very long time to realize it and come to admit it, and she'd had to jump through hoops and over hurtles just to get to that point. She hadn't even wanted the others to know she was sleeping with Spike, let alone falling for him, and even though no one else knew and she kept on trying to hide it, Spike knew. He always knew, and it seemed like he was just waiting around for when she would finally be able to admit it.
It really wasn't fair, when she thought about it. Spike had done awful and terrible things to Buffy and her friends when she looked back on it all, and no one would be able to deny that. However, Spike had also done things on the complete opposite end of the spectrum that just seemed to cancel out those terrible things. He'd been there for her, he'd been there for Dawn, he'd opened her eyes to things that she wouldn't have normally been able to see, and he stood by her when the rest of the world had turned it's back. And she repayed him even up to the very end with nothing but distance. It was only in those last few days before the battle with the First that she finally opened up to him, finally allowed herself to revel in his presence and let him embrace her both physically and mentally. She was glad she'd told him she loved him in the hellmouth, but that was all she'd ever done. It didn't seem fair.
"I didn't know if you still would," Buffy told him honestly, her voice just a bit louder than a whisper. "I thought maybe I was too late. It was...pretty bad timing, anyway." She let go of a breathy chuckle at that, but a moment later she turned serious again. "I don't know what we do now. But...I don't want to keep messing around. Not like before."