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michael corner is reluctantly growing up (mlcorner) wrote in pandorarpg,

Michael had a feeling that spending so much time with Lavender was really making him more emotional than he was before. Not that he ever had trouble expressing his feelings with his friends or that he disliked doing so, but he really felt like crying then and to be quite honest, he hadn't cried all that much until this whole thing with Lavender started. So it felt like a ride that started because of her. Not that he considered it a bad thing, necessarily, but it still wasn't very manly to want to cry here in front of his friend, even though it was within his right to do so because it was an unspoken rule that you didn't talk about such things outside of the friendship and you supported each other through these times.

Which was what Anthony was doing now. He didn't want to - or couldn't, maybe - argue with Michael anymore, because he had brought up Amanda Claire and maybe that had been selfish of Michael to do and even a bit underhanded, but that didn't change the fact that it was still true. It was certainly how he felt. James was his brother, yes, and they were close - but he could not lie about the fact that he and Anthony were much closer and had always been so. It wasn't planned and it wasn't something he could control, it just happened that way because Michael got on better with Anthony than he did with James and James had always sort of resented Michael a bit for the times that he had smothered him as if he couldn't protect himself. Michael had a feeling that was part of the reason James became a hit wizard - just to prove to Michael that he could take care of himself. And Michael may have always felt a bit guilty about his relationship with Anthony, if only because he could not figure out a way to get that sort of relationship with James.

Michael shook his head and his hand subconsciously raised to his right upper arm, where the sparrow tattoo with the 'AC' inscribed in it for his sister resided. "Anthony, look, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty and I know that's probably what I'm doing. This is my problem. I was there, I was right there and I could have saved her if only I had been paying more attention to her instead of my own things. I've just got to be certain that I do everything I bloody well can for you lot. I've got to, no matter what it takes of me. I have to do it for her and for James - I don't want to let them down again. I let James down, Anthony, I failed him as a brother and I can't - I can't do that to you. I don't want to fail again. I just want to help you."