InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "oh no-no"

Seamus Finnigan (firewaterburn) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2012-01-13 00:44:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 11 2003, character: lavender brown, character: seamus finnigan

Still Friends?
Characters: Seamus and Lavender
Setting: Tuesday, November 11, after 9AM at Rising Loaf
Summary: Seamus comes to make nice with Lavender. We'll see how it goes.
Rating: At least PG/PG-13 for Seamus being Seamus.

Seamus tried not to take the driving rain as a bad sign as he trudged down Diagon Alley towards Rising Loaf. He could have been home, warm and dry, and spending another cozy hour with Dean before they both had to start getting ready for work, but instead he was out in this bloody weather.

He did have a purpose. He intended to find Lavender and apologise to her for what he'd said the other day. Not the bit about her being wrong about Bianca - that he still believed, especially after the morning paper - but all the rest he'd said to her. Seamus could see how he might have been a bit out of hand afterwards. Especially with Dean giving him that look.

So here he was, going out of his way before work to make amends. And maybe grab a bite and some tea while he was at it, he thought as he entered Rising Loaf and was immediately enveloped by warmth and the smell of fresh-baked goods. Seamus made for the counter immediately, shaking water from his hair as he went. He got in line behind a wizard who'd either been sent on a breakfast run for his office or was just extremely hungry if the amount of food he was ordering was anything to go by.

While he waited, Seamus looked about, trying to see if he could spot Lavender.

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firewaterburn
2012-01-14 06:28 am UTC (link)

Seamus stared at Lavender in confusion and growing discomfort. He'd never dealt well with tears, especially not from those of the female persuasion. And it really didn't help that he had no idea why Lavender looked like she was going to cry in the first place.

"I..." Seamus stopped, at a loss for what to say for a moment. "Look, Lav, I have to be honest, I don't really know what you mean. But I've never thought your were nutty. I just...don't understand. What was real for you?" Seamus was really starting to regret coming there today. The rain had been a sign after all, but it was too late now. He wasn't about to just walk out of there in the middle of...whatever this was. He and Lavender had been through too much together for that.

Seamus ran another restless hand through his hair. "Look, let's, uh, have a sit down and talk about it, yeah?"

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lavishly
2012-01-14 06:51 am UTC (link)

She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down a little. Lavender led them into table in a nook, out of the immediate public line of sight. "I just don't understand how you can be supportive of Justin's decision and not even consider what I'm going through." He could disagree with her, but she needed some sort of validation. Even if it was just to say I recognize what think and what you might feeling, but I don't agree.

"What's real for me, even more so now, is this feeling that I'm going to die and not just easily, but like horribly and now before that happened or even as it happens other people are going to get hurt too." Lavender wiped at her face, to remove some of the tears that the act of blinking couldn't simply hold back. She was losing it and it wasn't going to be pretty, but nothing about what was happening to her was pretty and she was within her right to lose it.

"And I'm trying to figure this thing out and whatever I'm doing is apparently wrong or whatever but not no one is offering anything better, they - you are just on your own thing." So she kept saying it in the hope that someone would listen and actually believe her. For now she had Michael on her side, but that was all sorts of complicated. "Instead I just feel like all of these people who I think are my friends aren't actually."

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firewaterburn
2012-01-14 07:40 am UTC (link)

Seamus let Lavender guide the way to somewhere a bit more private and sat at the table nestled away in the back. As Lavender aired her grievances, Seamus thought he might finally be getting an inkling of what she meant, but only barely. Because surely she had to realize that she wasn't the only one having these nightmares? Wasn't the only one desperate for relief from the recent upheaval in everyone's lives?

Instead Seamus said, "You're not going to die, Lav." His voice was steady with conviction. "There's no way some tart with a box is going to off you, not after surviving so much." Trying not to let her tears unnerve him, Seamus grabbed a napkin and offered it to her as he added softly, "I'm trying to see where you're coming from, Lav. I asked you why you thought - why you think what you do. Explain it to me." He couldn't understand why Lavender couldn't just do that. Hell, Seamus knew he wasn't the quickest when it came to this sort of thing. This was nothing new. But he was trying and he wished she would meet him halfway.

Her accusations of not being a friend hurt - and, truth be told, made him a little tetchy - but he kept it in check for the moment. "Look, we're all in the dark here, Lav. You're not doing anything wrong, it's just...We all just handle it differently."

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lavishly
2012-01-14 08:11 pm UTC (link)

Lavender took the napkin from him, using it to wipe her face a bit better than her hands managed. "You know, I'm getting really tired of that. People saying that and expecting me to accept it as fact when it really doesn't work the same way." And sure she wanted to believe that she wasn't going to die, but just about everything else said that was not true. "And it doesn't work like that, just because I survived 'so much' doesn't mean I get to live, I mean Skipper didn't." Dramatic as it was, she had seen her fish as sort of an extension of her soul. He had been there with her for so many years, had survived right along with her only to be killed when the database was taken.

"And I don't know how to explain it because it's just something that is, I feel it, I've seen it and any time I've tried it's all just turned on me." It ultimately came down to her core beliefs and those weren't easy things for her to explain to people who didn't care or even sort of understand where she was coming from. Many people believed in a high power, found comfort, purposes and even guidance in religion and in many ways Divination was that for her. Only the things she learned from it felt a lot more tangible.

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firewaterburn
2012-01-15 02:56 pm UTC (link)

Seamus was trying to be understanding, he really was, but the way Lavender was talking, like she was already fated to die...No, Seamus was having none of that. "Since when have you gotten so..." He struggled to find the word. "Fatalistic? Why are you acting like you're going to die and there's nothing you can do to change it? You have survived so much, Lav, and you know why? Because you fought. You are not your bloody fish." His voice had risen, but not enough to draw attention. Not yet at least.

"Felt it? Seen it?" Seamus let out a breath of frustration. "Is this about Divination? Did you get a vision or whatever that actually told you something?" Seamus couldn't pretend he seriously believed in Divination, but he knew Lavender did. It still didn't explain anything she'd told him yet. Or not told him, as it were.

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lavishly
2012-01-15 04:57 pm UTC (link)

"Because you know some way to stop a being powerful enough to do wandless magic?" She wasn't really asking him the question because like he said earlier they were all in the dark here. Except for her the dark meant death and maybe that was fatalistic but things were feeling pretty fatal right now. Maybe she had fought in the past, but back then there felt like that was something she could actually fight against. There had been a possibility they could win, but she didn't feel that way anymore. This all just felt worse than living through the war, through what Greyback did to her.

"One who was watching me yesterday and probably the same person who stole my database this morning and only my database?" It probably wasn't the smartest thing to be having this conversation in public, with those curious gazes of the regulars drifting over toward them. After all, she was talking about what so many people wanted to know more about. "But hey, maybe I've won some favor by giving her a list of people to kill next, but I think that the more likely thing is it means I'm next."

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firewaterburn
2012-01-15 11:45 pm UTC (link)

"I know that no one's immortal," Seamus countered. "And I know everyone makes mistakes, even the the powerful ones. Especially the powerful ones because they think they can't be touched." And Lavender was buying into it. Yeah, Seamus knew she had more reason than most to be scared for her life, but that just meant she had even more to fight for.

"The fact that she left you alive means she's getting bloody cocky. She thinks you can't do a damn thing to stop her and - Wait, database? Your dream database was taken?" Seamus had heard about it in passing, but he knew exactly what it was and what that could mean. "Lavender, you told the Ministry, yeah? Tell me you told them about the database."

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lavishly
2012-01-15 11:59 pm UTC (link)

"Or maybe I just got lucky this time because I'm a paranoid freak." Lavender couldn't imagine that many witches or wizards had safe rooms to retreat to. It wasn't a normal thing that homes came with, but Lavender wasn't normal, not even close. She pressed her face into her hands, trying to make this all go away, but she knew from experience that wouldn't work. It didn't even fix anything a little.

"Yes, magical law enforcement knows. They were the ones who told me it was taken. I even gave them information from my copy of it." Her words came with a heavy sigh as a thread of guilt unwrapped all over again. Even if she had done everything that she could have, it didn't feel like it was enough, so it would keep eating at her like those damn pixies.

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firewaterburn
2012-01-16 02:19 am UTC (link)

Seamus couldn't argue that point with any real conviction. Lavender had been acting a bit paranoid lately - what with accusing friends of murder and all. The erratic, if-you're-not-with-me-you're-against-me lean to her behavior was also worrying. But Seamus knew better than to bring that up, not right now at least.

Seamus hesitated a second before resting a hand on Lavender's. "Lucky or not, you got another chance. For whatever reason, you've got more time to help figure this thing out, and just waiting around to die isn't going to do you or anyone else any good."

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lavishly
2012-01-16 03:14 am UTC (link)

"I'm not just waiting around to die!" She said pulling her hand away from his. It was a bit too loud, but she was just feeling unhinged right now. "Like up until recently, I've been one of the few people trying to figure out what's happening because I'm marked for some sin, for something horrible inside of me that no one wants to recognize."

No one believed her. They didn't see her and yes, most of the time she didn't want them to see her for what she was, but it was undeniable now. Or at least she thought that was the case. "So, maybe instead of everyone telling me rather emptily that I'm not going to die that you actually do something about it and not just write me off as some foolish little girl."

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firewaterburn
2012-01-16 03:42 am UTC (link)

The outburst was unexpected, but Seamus far preferred it over the crying. Tears left him floundering, but he knew how to handle anger. "What are you bloody talking about?" His voice rose to meet hers. "What sin? You're talking like you deserve this or something! You think Penelope deserved this? You think Harry did? Do you think they were all meant to die because of some 'sin'?" He'd been raised Catholic - well, as much as his magic and his mother's wrangling could manage - but Seamus hadn't put much stock in original sin for all the unfairness of it. And whatever imagined crime Lavender might think she was guilty of, Seamus didn't buy it for a second.

Reaching across the table, Seamus caught her face between his hands, made her look at him. "Lavender, we keep telling you because we want it to be true, all right? You might find it empty, but I - we have hope, dammit. No one is writing you off. No one. But you can't expect anyone to help when you won't explain anything." He took a deep breath and forced himself to soften his tone. "I've asked you twice now, so please, please, Lavender, try to make me understand."

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