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lavender is sure that living is worse (lavishly) wrote in pandorarpg,

She was scared of herself, of what she could become even five years later and it really was like she said - she was a mess. Lavender knew it, but that didn't do a thing to change any of it. "You're all just too nice," she said because that was the only explanation she could accept. "And I'm not the same. It's not just the things people see." It was her nightmares, the horrible urges to act on them and even the fact that she was no longer a vegetarian.

Lavender knew that she was healthy now, and as her healer reminded her every month she needed to make sure she stayed healthy. Because she was an unknown, and it was best not to take unnecessary risks.

She looked over at him at his last question about surviving only to die now and really there was only one answer to that. "Harry did." Her voice sounded small now, smaller than it had in a long time. It felt like they were back in school, only it was worse now because of that simple fact. Harry Potter had been killed. What made them think that any of them had a chance now? "And maybe it's just...exhausting." Her body shook, those tears coming a bit faster now, but maybe she needed to cry. Not that she knew what she needed. Lavender was all over the place right now. "Every single day is just exhausting and knowing that it could actually mean something even if that means death, well maybe that makes it a little better."