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Justin Finch-Fletchley ([info]basilisk_srvivr) wrote in [info]pandorarpg,
@ 2011-11-15 18:58:00

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Entry tags:!status: complete, ^date: november 03 2003, character: ernie macmillan, character: justin finch-fletchley

Who: Justin FF & Ernie Macmillan
What: Remembering fallen friends
Where: Hogwarts, Battle of Hogwarts Memorial
When: November 3 - 11:40 AM



Where would we all be without those fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
The friends I've made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn't be who I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way


Justin stood before the memorial that had been placed on the Hogwarts grounds. This one wasn't for Harry, however - this had been put up after the Battle of Hogwarts, to commemorate those that had fallen, the lives that had ceased that day. Justin had wanted to take a moment here before being faced with Harry's funeral, feeling the need to gather his jumbled emotions together and make some sense of them all.

His father's name wasn't there, nor were the many who had died or been Kissed throughout that year of hell. So much more than those lives had been taken, and just when everyone had begun thinking life could be lived again... more happened. Not just Harry now, but Zacharias' father.

His eyes traced the names, and with every one he searched his memory. Some were classmates, some mere strangers. At least one was the name of someone Justin remembered quite fondly, and intimately. His fingers reached out, tracing the letters C-R-E-E-V-E-Y.


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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 12:50 am UTC (link)
It was only by the draught of dreamless sleep did Ernie ever sleep through the night as he had thought to no end about what had happened to Harry, to Mr. Smith, Zacharias, between his best friends and himself, and the odd and disturbing nightmares. Ernie hadn't been back to Hogwarts since their seventh year.

He just wasn't sure how he would've taken it, but now he was here.

He still had difficulties coming to terms with the reason for his visit, and had decided to come early to let it sink in slowly. So much had been lost here, that he left and tried his best to not turn back--even though he was fairly sure that many of his decisions, attitudes and beliefs had come from his experiences at Hogwarts. He had wandered the expansive grounds for a little while that grey day, along the lake as they used to. He had eventually made it to the memorial to the Battle of Hogwarts that he stopped, as he realized that Justin was there when he approached. It was the second time he had seen it, but it reminded him exactly of what he had felt that day. That odd pang of guilt and relief that things were alright. Relief in that he was alive and his loved ones were alive. And guilt realizing that one was lucky to have ever made it through everything alive and mostly intact...when other people most obviously haven't or had suffered infathomable loss.

Ernie stood there for minutes, watching his friend, unsure of what to say himself. For a moment he wondered whether it would be more appropriate to leave Justin alone to his thoughts. But he did feel that something had to be said. Just to let his friend know that he was there, and that his intention was that he was going to be there as a friend; he wasn't one to cut anyone off over something so petty, after all. He thought about how to say it many times the previous day between trying his best to ensure that Zacharias wasn't going to destroy himself one way or another. But of course all that thinking was for naught as he didn't really know what he was going to say now. "Hi Justin," he said, still standing several feet away where he had stopped to watch.

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 12:57 am UTC (link)
Justin had been so focused inward that he hadn't noticed anyone coming up behind him. He jumped a little at the voice and spun in surprise, his hand going to his chest where his heart raced at the scare. He relaxed, however, at the sight of Ernie, as for the slightest moment there, he'd thought it was someone's ghost there. Whose, he didn't know, but was more than happy not to find out.

"Hey, Ernie," he replied, trying for a grin to hide the scare he'd had. "Anyone ever tell you to knock before coming up on someone-" he looked around him. "Outside, in public?"

He slipped his hands into his pockets, feeling suddenly awkward as he hadn't seen his best mate since the night of the gala - since finding out Harry had died.

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 01:23 am UTC (link)
"I'll remember to knock on a tree or something," Ernie said with an awkward grin in response and a shrug. He grinned awkwardly in response to Justin putting on a grin himself. "Sorry if I did disturb you though," Ernie said, quite sure that he did.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am here--well not just here, here, but I am here for you if you do need a friend. But I don't mind it if you needed some time on your own. It's normal at times like these, really." He stopped himself, realizing that he was rambling again.

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 01:33 am UTC (link)
Justin shrugged a little and looked back at the memorial. "I could use some company," he finally said, glad his friend had come over, needing him nearby even if nothing had been resolved. He supposed some things were more important at the moment.

"I was just looking over some familiar names, thinking about Dad, and everyone else."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 01:48 am UTC (link)
Ernie walked closer, and stood next to Justin to have a look at the memorial. He only had a brief glance at it the day of the unveiling, as at that point the feelings were too raw, too intense. And in any case, he believed it was just as much about those who had lived than those who had perished. Time had numbed some of what was there, somewhat.

"I can't help but think that it was incredibly unfair," Ernie said as he looked at the names written in stone. Some were lives of fellow students, or those who had shown up to save them. "I feel that when I think about what's happened to Harry. Just since he deserved something better."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 01:53 am UTC (link)
Justin breathed out slowly. "He deserved so much better," he agreed. "They all did."

Despite the tear beginning to form in the corner of his eye, he looked aside to where Ernie now stood next to him.

"We all do, too."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 02:10 am UTC (link)
"Yes. We all do," Ernie said feeling the heaviness of the thoughts that were crossing his mind on his chest and throat. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he spoke. He reached out to pat his friend's shoulder in a comforting manner.

"It's the hardest part though. To say it and to live it."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 03:29 am UTC (link)
Justin nodded solemnly. Feeling Ernie's hand on his shoulder, he was reminded of all the times he and Ernie had survived through hardships of various kinds, and had come out better friends. The fight the other night... he had no doubt things would end the same way, with the two of them best mates, as they were supposed to be.

He turned and wrapped his arms around Ernie's waist in a hug, stuffing his face against his best mate's jacket as another tear fell.

"I'm sorry about everything this weekend, mate. I was drunk, said some dumb things... but no matter what, you'll always be my best mate."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 03:52 am UTC (link)
Ernie, naturally, hugged his best friend back. "It's alright," he said, feeling some of the tension dissolve. The sadness for their losses had remained but Ernie felt the load lighten significantly.

"Things like that happen. And likewise--I'd be hard-pressed to find a better friend than you've been. Thanks." It wasn't quite addressing the issue of what was said, but it didn't matter either way to Ernie.

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 03:57 am UTC (link)
Justin's shoulders sagged in relief. He patted Ernie's back before finally letting him go, pretending to wipe a tear from his mate's jacket.

"So we're here, and all these people... I think they deserve to be remembered a little too, you know?" He looked at Ernie with hope in his eyes. "On Saturday, Seamus got us telling stories about Harry, to remember him the way we wanted to remember him. Go ahead, pick someone from here," he waved at the memorial. "Tell me a story, Ern."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 04:25 am UTC (link)
Ernie smiled at his friend, grateful that things would be back to normal, and redirected his attention back to the monument.

His eyes fell upon a name he had a story for. He had a story for at least a few. "Professor Lupin--," he said taking note of his former teacher's name but still feeling old habits kick in when it came to speaking his former teacher's name. It was like that for all of his former professors. "--I remembered that the second he brought a magical creature to class I was afraid he'd be like Lockhart and set pixies loose at some point. I'm glad that wasn't the case. I actually shouldn't have passed a paper towards the end of the term either, since I forgot to hand it in. He just let me know about it when I was leaving the Great Hall one day after lunch and marked it as if nothing happened at all. And you can't forget Neville's boggart..."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 04:35 am UTC (link)
"And his Riddikulus - Snape in the dress and that hat," Justin finished with a smile. "That got me through many a Potions class."

His eyes glanced back to the long list of names, and his eyes refixed themselves to the one he'd been tracing earlier. "Did I ever tell you about me and Colin?" He bit his bottom lip, remembering the boy that had been his friend and more, and his feelings upon finding out after the war was over that the younger boy had not only gone back to fight, but hadn't made it.

"We were in sixth year, he was in fifth, and I'd caught him watching some of the quidditch blokes coming out of the locker rooms. He nearly panicked, was worried I'd hit him for finding out, but I didn't of course. We talked, and..." He smiled sadly. "He was definitely talented with more than a camera."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 04:56 am UTC (link)
"No, you haven't," Ernie said looking at his friend's expressions shift through different shades of sadness.

"Although I'm surprised that I hadn't figured that out. It's probably better that I hadn't figured out half of the stuff that goes on at Hogwarts. Just since I was prefect back then."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 05:06 am UTC (link)
"Nobody knew," Justin said with a shrug. "It wasn't a relationship or anything, just a little friendly exploration. He didn't think anyone would fancy him for a shag, and I proved him otherwise. He was cute, thought far too little of himself..."

He looked down to where his feet were digging into the grass with the toes of his shoes. "Don't hate me, but... I'm glad I wasn't at the Battle. That I didn't have to see him, see any of them dead. I'd rather remember them all the way I do."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 05:21 am UTC (link)
Ernie smiled at his friend's musings, just since it was Justin being himself.

"It was just something that had to be done," Ernie said simply. "It just made sense at the time. Half of the stuff we did that year was absolute madness, but it made sense at the time. I remember most of the Battle, but don't remember that much about that part, the direct aftermath--anyways. I was just grateful that--I couldn't imagine being alone when the world was that mad."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 05:26 am UTC (link)
Justin nodded and looked up, trying to meet his best mate's eyes.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, though. I'm sorry I was such a coward, too afraid to come out of hiding and find out what had happened to my friends."

He blew out a puff of air and looked up at the sky, spotting a bird flying overhead. He squinted. Correction, someone flying on a broomstick. He wishes he could be up there right now, far away from the cares of the world.

"And now Harry's gone, and Zach's lost his dad. He's a prat most of the time, but he doesn't deserve this. I'm seriously tempted to lock myself in my room at the manor and never come out."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 05:41 am UTC (link)
"It wasn't an easy time for anyone," Ernie said. "You were just doing what you had to do then and I--or anyone who is sane and worth listening to--would never begrudge you for being out of Hogwarts that year." He placed both his hands on Justin's cheeks to move his head slightly so that their eyes would meet. "You need to promise me that you'd forgive yourself one day." He released Justin and continued. "I wish I could've known what happened to you though. I--we--were so worried about you. Just since we had some news of what was going on out there."

"And you haven't locked yourself in yet, which counts for something."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 05:55 am UTC (link)
Justin grimaced when Ernie demanded the promise. It was something he would like to give, but not something he knew if he could give. "I'll try," he said, for it was all he could do. "In a way, I'm glad I didn't try to get word to you. They killed dad trying to get to me. I couldn't let them catch you contacting me, thinking you were a sympathizer and killing you too."

He nodded, knowing that no matter how bad he felt, as long as he had good friends still alive, he wouldn't be able to justify completely hiding away from the world.

"Will you sit with me? During the service, I mean." He tried for a playful, manly punch to Ernie's shoulder. "I've been mooching off Dean and Seamus for a couple of days now, and I think I've worn out my welcome." The words were false - his friends would never turn him away - but Justin had ever been happy with showing emotions without quite talking about them.

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-16 06:16 am UTC (link)
"Good," Ernie said, to Justin's concession to at least try. He knew that a number of those who lived through those times had experienced some degree of guilt. He had often fought with it too as he had been extremely fortunate. "I know it's not easy."

"Sure," Ernie said. "I hadn't quite spoken to her today, but Hann may join us." He looked at the ground for a moment before admitting some sort of development from the other day. "We've decided to take a bit of a break. I hope she'd be alright."

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-16 08:14 pm UTC (link)
Justin nodded. "If we see her, I'll grab her and bring her over. Today, none of us should be alone for this."

He lifted a hand and placed it on Ernie's elbow. "I'm sorry, I really am. I know you loved her, and she you. But... yeah, sometimes you need to find out who you are too, and all that sentimental stuff." He let out a puff of laughter. "Though who am I to judge, I don't do the whole love thing. Though if you want to talk, I'm always here."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-17 02:10 am UTC (link)
"I guess you're right," Ernie said with a long sigh. It being normal or understandable by other parties didn't mean it was easy. "Thanks," he smiled sadly. He knew that it wasn't a time to get so wrapped up about things that were trivial in the grand scheme... Well compared to the reason they were at Hogwarts, 'taking a break' was nothing.

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[info]basilisk_srvivr
2011-11-17 03:36 am UTC (link)
"No problem," Justin replied.

He looked around them and noticed that more and more people had been arriving.

"Come on, let's get a couple of seats before they're all taken. I sure don't want to stand for this."

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[info]ernsthename
2011-11-19 05:10 am UTC (link)
"Alright," Ernie said snapping out of the line of thought he was heading down.

"I don't think I would either, and I don't expect it to be a small gathering either."

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