InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I tune out self-pity."

Ernest (Ernie/Ern) Macmillan (ernsthename) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-11-12 15:44:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 02 2003, character: ernie macmillan, character: zacharias smith

Characters: Zacharias Smith and Ernie Macmillan
Setting: Sunday November 2nd, 2003; Morning, after this; At St. Mungo's Morgue.
Summary: Zacharias just had to go and run off on his own to confirm the news about his father, and Ern follows...

Upon his arrival at the morgue at St. Mungo's, Ern was made aware that Smith had already gone to see his father. Instead of following him, Ern thought it would be best to wait for him and offer any support, as necessary. Smith probably needed some time on his own. Despite Smith being one of the biggest gits ever, and resenting the name-calling Ern felt incredible sadness for him and responsibility to ensure that he was alright. (Virgin boy? Pffft! That was low, and rather inaccurate. How can one be a virgin with a friend like Justin Finch-Fletchley? But Ern wasn't one to brag about his sexual escapades since that was just low. And so that, he was fairly sure, left him with that nickname from Smith.) He knew deep down that despite being at odds with his parents, Smith would be upset. Ern knew that as the case for himself too. Not that they had too much in common.

While waiting for Smith, Ern had taken to speaking with the wizard at the desk just outside of the morgue about the unreal reality of Harry's funeral tomorrow. He luckily had the day off due to picking up the extra day because of the chaos. He wondered if the two murders were linked, but it wasn't something that he'd likely know right away unless the investigators disclosed that at work at some point.

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overlooked
2011-11-12 09:54 pm UTC (link)

He didn't know where to begin. Seeing didn't make it better, didn't settle him any. It didn't somehow tell him what he was supposed to be feeling. So he clung onto the numbness as he was escorted away from the morgue by some woman cause between pity and unease. Not that he would hold it against her - his nose was still broken and there was blood on his clothes.

How many times had he wished his father would just go away for good? And half the time terrified that because they had always been hope, however small, that they could be better. That maybe one day they could gave some sort of normal relationship.

Threading his fingers through his hair, pulling at the end, he fell back into the nearest chair unable to willing his own weight. Someone needed to tell Adelle, their mother if she didn't know already, he needed a clean pair of clothes (but at least this blood was his own), and probably a healer to set his nose. It all kept adding up and he didn't know where or even how to start. He certainly didn't realize that Ernie Macmillan was still hanging around.

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ernsthename
2011-11-12 11:03 pm UTC (link)

Ernie watched as Zacharias made his way back to the desk and had sat in a nearby chair. Ern himself stopped chatting with the desk attendant and chose a seat a couple of chairs away from Zacharias. "I'm really sorry, Zacharias," he started quietly, looking at the injuries that his former classmate had sustained from that morning's...events. He still wasn't quite sure of what to make of it all.

Zacharias looked horrible, and Ern knew that he should at the very least ensure that he got somewhere to get proper medical attention. "Let me know if you need anything. I think you'd need to be seen by somebody though since you don't look well."

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overlooked
2011-11-12 11:29 pm UTC (link)

Zacharias groaned as he heard the one word he hated most of all because it never meant anything. Sorry didn't even have a place in his own vocabulary. It was bad enough in a normal circumstances, now wrapped up with pity and sorrow, he didn't want it. Rolling his eye he looked at Ernie.

"Really? I don't look well?" He pulled a face, trying to settle on disgust and annoyance because they were old friends and numb was too hard to hold on. (And yet they were easier than anything else.) "How would you like me to look?" Zacharias shook his head. No, he didn't really want an answer to that question. Because there was no way anyone who had gone through the past two days that he did could anything close to fine or well.

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ernsthename
2011-11-12 11:57 pm UTC (link)

'Sorry', for Ern was an easy word that blanketed everything until he could come up with other words to articulate exactly what he felt. It came to him as natural as breathing, which probably didn't make his conversations with Zacharias any easier.

"Well, yes really. And I'd rather that you're not as bloodied up." Ernie said honestly, remaining calm despite Zacharias' hostility. From where he was he could tell that Smith's nose may likely be broken, but it'd be more clear once the blood gets cleared up. "How about if we go get yourself some medical attention right now?"

"And I would imagine that the rest of your family should be here shortly. I don't think they would appreciate your being in such a state," Ernie added in case he needed any more motivation to get himself fixed up.

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overlooked
2011-11-13 12:12 am UTC (link)

Funny how he only remembered that his face hurt when Ernie mentioned it was bloodied up. More so when he tried to wiggle his nose. It was a good hurt, not the same as earlier, but it gave him something to focus on and he wasn't sure he wanted to give that up.

"I...I'll have to tell Adelle." His voice cracked. That was not a conversation he was looking forward to, but he certainly didn't want his mother to handle that conversation. Why wasn't she here? If he had to also identify the body... Zacharias slumped back in the chair, closing his eyes for a moment, not sure if this was relief or not.

Mother was probably off taking some weekend holiday and his grandparents, well, it would be better if they didn't show up. "Come on, you have to know that no one else is coming." This was his burden to bear.

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ernsthename
2011-11-13 12:25 am UTC (link)

"You'll have a chance to tell Adelle once they fix you up here," Ernie spoke to try to keep Zacharias calm, and deal with his own feelings of sadness and pity.

Well if there was any more pity to be had, Ern would've had to feel a pang of it right now. "Well they'll find out soon enough though," he said, reaching for Zacharias' shoulder in what is supposed to be a sympathetic gesture. "And they would probably want you to join them regardless of your differences. You are still family, after all." He had hoped at least of the same from his own family, even if it was he who had managed to walk out on them.

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overlooked
2011-11-13 12:32 am UTC (link)

Zacharias pushed Ernie's arm away. "Don't fucking talk about my family like you know." He pushed himself back onto his feet, having been still for too long. There was no calm, there was just this mush of feeling.

"My father was a right old bastard and the world is probably better with him dead." That was definitely the thing to say in a public forum given his already suspected part in Potter's death. "And my mother? She'll probably be more upset her holiday was cut short." Really of the entire lot his sister was the only decent one left and after today even she wouldn't be the same. "So, just don't."

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ernsthename
2011-11-13 12:45 am UTC (link)

"Ok, I won't then. I'm sorry that I did imply that I knew more than I do on this." Ernie withdrew for a moment before looking at Zacharias with the added ingredient of surprise to his initial sadness and pity.

"Zacharias--I can understand that you'd be so upset that you won't be thinking straight right now. And I'm sorry that you feel this alone then. Or maybe I'm wrong in my assumption I can't imagine what you would feel. That's why I dropped by. I couldn't leave you here on your own like this." Ernie did what he did best in situations where he didn't quite know exactly what to say, and that is by rambling on.

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overlooked
2011-11-13 01:07 am UTC (link)

"Shut up!" He snapped. All he wanted to do was punch him right in the face just then. Even if it wouldn't be as gratifying as he wanted, it would feel pretty good for a moment. "Don't project your issues onto me." Zacharias surely had enough of them on his own with whatever Ernie was adding to it, even if some of it might hold truth.

"You are right about one thing, you can't imagine it." For their similarities he wouldn't willingly admit to, their differences were vast. Ernie had something of a decent life of it, Zacharias was...well, he was treading water. He balled his right hand into a fist. Resisting the urge to punch the other man for the moment he settled for pulling a punch at the space between them.

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ernsthename
2011-11-13 01:22 am UTC (link)

"Alright," Ernie said, feeling somewhat taken aback by what he should've already known as Zacharias being Zacharias. "I'm sorry if I had projected, I didn't mean to." He knew he had trouble with inappropriate expression of how he felt, and perhaps this was just one more instance of the same.

"In any case, I don't think it'd help you to linger. I'll see whether I can get someone to see you right away. Is there anyone I should contact for you? Maybe someone you can stay with after you're fixed up?"

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overlooked
2011-11-13 01:29 am UTC (link)

"Fine," he said in a drawn out sigh. It wasn't quite the tantrum from earlier, but it was on track to reach that. "Whatever, get me a damn healer. Do what you need to do to feel better about this situation." He didn't bother to answer the question if there was anyone else. Of course there wasn't anyone else.

The only place he wanted to go was to Hogwarts. Adelle was really the only person he wanted to deal with right now. She was the only person who might actually understand and not be too occupied with pitying him or feeling sorry. She knew.

"I just want to get out of here and get Adelle."

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ernsthename
2011-11-13 01:44 am UTC (link)

"Alright, I'll do that then," Ernie said, getting back into a more professional and process driven frame of mind. It typically helped. "How about if you just take a seat there, take a break, and I'll send over someone."

He nodded at Zacharias' request and need to see Adelle. He felt at least somewhat similar towards his own sister--but catching that as his own projection he stopped. "You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of her though," he said. "Anyways, I'm serious when I say to let me know if there's any way I can help."

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overlooked
2011-11-13 01:55 am UTC (link)

Zacharias groaned again, but ultimately did as he was asked. He didn't care about himself, but there might be a point there. It was going to be bad enough without giving his sister something else to worry about.

Letting out a long breath, he slumped down in the chair and closed eyes. This time he walked through the new order of events - set his nose, clean his shirt, and then head up to Hogwarts. It was good. If he had a plan, if he had something to focus on, then he wouldn't have to deal with making sense of this for himself.

For some reason he couldn't help but feel that things were only going to get worse. After all, he wasn't at rock bottom just yet.

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