my_sam_dean (my_sam_dean) wrote in padackles_slash, @ 2008-04-23 23:14:00 |
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Jensen was excited when his family pulled back into the town that they used to call home. They'd been gone 5 years but Jensen's family and Jared's families had stayed in touch. The boys had even written each other sometimes, too. Jensen was looking forward to seeing Jared after spending those years apart. Before they had moved, Jensen and Jared had been inseparable. Jared's mom was his second mom and vice versa.
Jared answered the door when Jensen knocked.
"Hey, Jare. You sure got tall."
"I hit a growth spurt a couple years ago. How've you been?" Jared opened the door and Jensen stepped in.
"I'm glad to be back. No matter how long we would have lived away, it never would have felt like home."
A guy walked into the room, "Jared, who was at the door?"
"Hi," Jared turned to greet him. "Jensen, this is Frank, my boyfriend. Frank, this is Jensen, he lived in the neighborhood when we were growing up and he's just moved back into town."
"Hi, Jensen," Frank held out his hand.
Jensen shook his hand, "Frank, nice to meet you."
Frank stood with his arm possessively around Jared's shoulder and stared at Jensen. Jared was looking at his feet.
"Well, I'll talk to you later since you have company," Jensen tried to make the situation less awkward. "Here's our new address and phone number. My mom thought your mom should have it."
"Thanks," Jared's head was still bowed but he looked up at Jensen through his bangs.
"See ya," Jensen got a strange feeling as he turned to leave. He'd only taken a couple of steps when he heard a voice that wasn't Jared's bellowing loudly. He looked back at the door in case Jared came out after him but he didn't.
"So how was Jared today?" Jensen's mother asked over supper.
"I met his boyfriend, Frank."
"What was he like?"
"I don't know, he didn't say much," Jensen looked at his plate.
"Something wrong, Jens?" his dad asked.
"Just tired from the move," he gave his parents a weak smile. "I'm glad to be back, though."
***
"Just who is this Jensen to you?" Frank demanded, his face was red with anger.
"Like I said, he used to live here-"
"That doesn't answer my question. Exactly how close were you?"
"We were kids. We were in the same grade and on the baseball-"
"You're avoiding my question!" Frank was furious. "How close were you?"
"We didn't date, if that's what you mean."
"Did you want to date him?"
"It never crossed my mind."
"Did it cross your mind today when you saw him?" Frank was yelling. "When he showed up on your doorstep, you invited him in. You have no way of knowing his intents because it's been years since you've seen each other. You're lucky I was here to look out for you."
"Yes, Frank," Jared's voice was soft.
"Yes WHAT?"
"I'm lucky you were here today when Jensen came over."
"Damn right you are. But, I can't keep protecting you if you invite strangers in." Frank's voice went back to a regular volume. "I'm just trying to look out for what's best for you, baby."
"I know," Jared glanced at the door, remembering how nice it had been to talk to someone besides Frank.
***
"I guess Frank goes to the prep school," Jensen's mom informed him. "He's smart and so polite. Everyone likes him and they've just welcomed him into their family."
"Really," Jensen had couldn't make those words fit the Frank that he'd been introduced to.
"Yes. And why didn't you give Jared our address and number when you were there?"
"I did."
"You must have forgotten. His mom wouldn't have asked me for it if she already had it."
Jensen figured Frank took the slip of paper from Jared.
"Sorry about that, Mom. I'm going to go see Jared. Maybe we can go get school supplies together."
"Okay, dear. Just take your phone."
***
Jensen was thankful for the walk to Jared's. It gave him some time to think. He'd known that Jared had a boyfriend before they moved back. It didn't matter to Jensen who Jared was attracted to, he was Jensen's friend. Sure, he felt weird about it right after he found out, but then he figured Jared as still Jared. Who he dated didn't matter.
Frank was another story. He rubbed Jensen the wrong way. He seemed too protective of Jared.
Then again, Jared didn't seem like he'd remembered, either. The Jared he'd played baseball and soccer with was always joking around and laughing. Jared didn't smile at all when Jensen had seen him the day before. That spark that made Jared who he was had died out. Maybe he'd just grown up. Jensen was confused but thought that he'd try to connect with Jared again.
"Jensen, what a surprise," Jared said and then looked over his shoulder.
"I thought we might go shopping for things for school," Jensen suggested. "We go back in a week."
"I, um," Jared was still looking behind him.
"If Frank's here, that's cool. All three of us could go. He must need school supplies, too."
"Frank doesn't like to socialize," Jared's voice was just above a whisper.
"Are you allowed to socialize?" Jensen asked jokingly.
Jared's face turned white. "Most of my time is spent with just Frank."
"I wasn't being serious, dude. You're dating, I get it."
Jared chewed the inside of his cheek and brushed his hair back. When he did so, his shirt happened to ride up and reveal a large bruise across his abdomen.
"Where's you get that?"
"What?" Jared had no clue what Jensen was upset about.
"'This," Jensen lifted the hem of Jared's shirt. "What happened?'
"Oh, it's nothing. Like you said before, I'm getting tall. Those growth spurts make me awfully clumsy."
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"It's fine."
"So did your mom freak? I remember when she talked my mom into forbidding me to join the football team because she didn't want you to join and get injured."
"No. I didn't show her. Didn't want her to over-react, you know."
"So, school supplies? Did you want to go or do you have other plans?"
"I'll need to check with Frank."
"Why?" Jensen knew he was pushing it but didn't care at that point.
"Sometimes he makes plans for us and forgets to tell me."
Jensen nodded. "Okay. Give me a call when you have some free time. Otherwise, I'll see you at school. Cool?"
Jared nodded and closed the door.
Stomping his feet as he walked, Jensen fumed on the way home.
***
"Going to see Jared today?"
"No, Mom. He'll call me when he has some free time. Seems like Frank takes up most of it."
"That what happens when you date, sweetie. Remember when you dated Shelly?"
'Yeah," Jensen sighed. "Jared just doesn't really seem like Jared anymore."
"Well, his mom said he's getting better grades and that dating Frank has made a world of difference. Jared isn't getting into trouble at school anymore for his pranks and he's matured more. It's been years since you two were close. I'm sure you both have changed."
"I'm sure you're right," Jensen gave his mom a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to check out the school. I'll be back for lunch."
***
Jensen got his locker assignment and class schedule. He ran into some of his friends from the baseball and soccer teams. He found out that Jared had quit sports altogether after meeting Frank. One even made the comment that maybe he could get Jared to come back around and be his happy self.
Suspicious, Jensen just smiled and agreed with them. Apparently several people had noticed changes in Jared and didn't have the heart to approach him. They shared their worries with Jensen, though, sure that he'd take care of it.
***
"Wait up, Jared," Jensen jogged to reach his friend before school. "Let's compare schedules."
Jared took his out of his pocket and Jensen's jaw dropped.
"Why are you taking math and science when you have the required ones done?"
"Frank thought it would be a good idea before college."
Jensen stopped walking and looked at Jared. "Are you serious? Did you pick any of your classes by yourself just because you wanted them?"
Jared shook his head.
"Where is Frank today?"
"His classes started yesterday," Jared mumbled.
"Jared, what is going on with you?"
"Nothing is going on with me. Why do you ask?"
"Well, we haven't seen each other in years and have yet to make any time for us to do anything, even with Frank. You've got bruises you're hiding from your mom. You quit sports, which you used to love, and you let Frank pick out your classes."
"I've just been-"
"Busy, I know," Jensen was getting pissed. "If I didn't know that Frank was having an adverse affect on you, I'd be about to punch you right now."
Jared's face turned into a mask of fear as he stepped away from Jensen. He was shaking.
"Jared, wait. Can you tell me what's got you so afraid?"
"People can snap at any time, Jens. Good people, even. They can't help it, they're forgiven and life goes on."
"That's how you got that bruise."
"It was an accident."
"Sure. Was it an accident the time before, too?"
"I'd better get to class," Jared's voice was quiet.
"Here," Jensen handed him his cell number. "Call anytime."
Jared nodded and then loped off towards the school.
***
Jensen didn't see Jared in the halls or at lunch. He wondered if maybe he'd been too forceful when talking to him and inadvertently pushed him away. He honestly wouldn't have punched him, that just came out.
A couple nights later, Jensen's cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number.
"I'm at a payphone. Can you come and get me?" Jared was in tears.
"I'll be right there," Jensen scribbled down the location of the payphone and grabbed the keys to the family car on the way to the front door.
"Where are you off to?" his dad asked. "It's too late to be going for a drive."
"I need to pick Jared up. I guess some friends left him stranded by accident."
"Okay, then. Just this once."
Jensen nodded, got in the car and tried not to peal out of the driveway on his way to Jared.
***
Jared's figure was slumped over, sitting on the curb. He didn't move when Jensen pulled up.
"Jared!" Jensen called when he stepped out of the car. He squatted down to Jared's level and touched his cheek to be able to see Jared's face.
"Ow!" Jared flinched. "Just take me away from here before he gets back. He always comes back."
Jensen knew which 'he' Jared was referring to and helped him to his feet. Jared was shaking and could hardly walk. Jensen closed the door after Jared was in and was almost to the driver's side door when he saw Frank drive up. Jensen scrambled into the car and locked the doors.
Franks was yelling, hitting the car, and screaming for Jared to come out.
Jared curled further into himself.
"You're not going out there," Jensen put Jared's seatbelt on him. "And there's no way in hell I'm letting him in."
"It was my fault," Jared explained. "I got some questions wrong in calculus and he'd shown me how to do them before. I just kept forgetting. I'm not supposed to do that."
Jensen shook his head. "Forgetting is no excuse. You're safe now."
The yelling stopped and Jensen looked up to see Frank getting into his car and revving the engine. He secured his seatbelt just as Frank slammed him with his car.
"Shit!" Jensen was fumbling with the keys, trying to get the car started.
Jared cowered in the passenger seat. "If you want me to get out, I will. You don't need him wrecking your car."
"I'd rather have him wreck my car than you," Jensen replied. "Don't you even think about getting out of this car!"
When he got it started, Jensen sped off, not caring about the speed limit. He pulled into the ambulance bay of the Emergency Room.
"Why are we here?" Jared asked.
"Your face is hurt and they can help us."
"I can't go in there. I can't tell anyone."
"I'll be there. You'll be fine."
"No, you don't get it. It will be so much worse when Frank finds out."
"Then, that's what you tell the doctors and nurses," Jensen replied.
***
Hours later, a banged up Jared and exhausted Jensen rolled into the garage in his parents' battered car.
"Glad you called," Jensen's mom met them at the door. "Let's get Jared comfortable."
She tucked Jared into the bed and got a cot for Jensen. "I'll be right across the hall if you need anything. I called Jared's folks and told them."
"Thanks, Mom. Goodnight."
After they were alone, Jensen asked Jared, "Hey, Jare. Are you going to be okay?"
"Doctors said nothing was broken."
"That isn't what I meant. Are you going to be able to stay away from Frank?"
Jared was silent.
"I don't think what he did was an accident," Jensen said. "I think it is going to keep happening until he finally kills you one day."
"He'd never hurt me on purpose."
"He definitely hit the car we were sitting in on purpose. That could have hurt you."
There was no reply.
They heard the phone ring and Jensen's father answered it.
"Hello . . . No, you cannot talk to him. . . Who gave you this number? . . . Don't ever call here again," his dad was angry and slammed down the phone.
They could hear Jensen's mother ask who was on the phone and then it rang again.
"Hello," his dad started out angry. "No, I am not going to let him talk to Jared. Why did you give him our number? . . . . Well, that wonderful boy just smashed in the back of my car with the boys in it. . . . Jared can stay here as long as he wants. He's eighteen, so I guess he has the right to decide."
Jared and Jensen had first joined forces when they were little because their birthdays were days apart and right before school started. Their moms, not wanting to enroll the boys in school too early, started them in school later. They had both turned eighteen before they started school this year.
"Sounds like Frank got our number from your folks," Jensen said. "They must really like him."
"Sometimes I think they like him better than they like me," Jared sounded serious.
"You know that's not true."
No response.
"I know I talked to the cops, but I don't think I can press charges," Jared's voice was barely audible.
"Why not?"
"I still have to live here. Frank will still be here and I don't want to get him mad."
"Whether or not he's mad doesn't matter, Jared. He hurt you, that's the issue. Besides, I know my folks will press charges for the damage to the car."
"Frank must be so angry."
"You know," Jensen wasn't sure where he was going with his next statements. "You've said that he'll be mad or angry. You've never mentioned that he might be sorry for what he did. I doubt he knows he should be sorry. He needs to learn that what he does is wrong."
"But, I love him," Jared was fighting tears.
"Is he the first person you've dated?"
Jared nodded.
"I'm not going to lie. It's gonna hurt like hell, but it will go away. And, you will find someone else who will treat you the right way. It's going to all work out," that was everything Jensen could think of to help his friend.
Their phone rang again and they listened to Jensen's dad yell at the caller and slam the phone down. After that happened two more times, Jensen said, "That's enough. We're staying at a hotel tonight. You're not going to get any rest this way."
They got dressed and walked into the hallway. Instead of being in bed, Jensen's folks were sitting up in the living room.
"I think we should go stay at a hotel. Jared's not going to get any rest here," Jensen told them.
"Wait a couple minutes and we'll join you," his dad stood and took his wife's hand to help her up. "We deserve a decent night's sleep."
***
They took the family car that wasn't wrecked and checked into a hotel that had good security. Jared and Jensen had their own room. Jensen's folks were headed down to the police station in the morning to press charges and get a restraining order against Frank, in an attempt to stop the late night calls.
"You two stay here as long as you need," Jensen's father told them. "Mom'll pick up your homework and update Jared's mom. What might be best for Jared is some time away."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Thanks, Mr. Jensen."
"Jared," Jensen's dad put a hand on Jared's shoulder. "You're like our other son. Whatever you need, you just let us know."
Jared nodded.
After they were by themselves, Jared laid back down.
"Need any pills?" Jensen asked.
"No."
"Do you hurt?"
"Kinda."
Jensen huffed, got out of bed and got the pills. "Take some, then. You'll sleep better and Frank isn't going to find us here. You're safe."
Jared nodded and took the pills.
"See ya in the morning, Dopey," Jensen chuckled.
Jared smiled an actual Jared smile and Jensen could see a shimmer of his friend showing through.
***
Jared was fretting about Frank and bemoaning how he'd never find someone to love him.
Tired of hearing it, Jensen said, "Come here a second."
Jared followed Jensen into the bathroom.
"Take off your shirt," Jensen said and Jared hesitated before removing it. "See that?" Jensen pointed to the bruises in different stages of healing. "That ain't love, Jared. Not unless you're into that kind of thing, I guess."
"I'm not," Jared looked at his reflection in the mirror as if seeing the bruises for the first time. "I just thought that I was wrong about it, and this is how it went between two guys."
"Not if one of them isn't into it. Same as it would be with two girls or a guy and a girl. Unless both people are into something it isn't okay."
"I let him . . . I dated him for over a year . . ." tears slid down Jared's cheeks.
"You get to start over with a clean slate now. You'll find the kind of love that you want. The kind that doesn't hurt or isolate you from your friends."
Jared nodded as he quickly slipped his shirt back on and walked out of the room. Jensen clicked off the light and hoped that he'd gotten through.
***
Over the next couple of days in close quarters, Jensen realized the feelings he had toward Jared were more than just friendly. Maybe it had always been there, under the surface. After all, it was possible to be attracted to both sexes, right?
"I missed you," Jared said out of the blue. "I was so upset when you left, even though I knew you had to go. I was just used to living numb when you got back. I'm sorry I didn't react better to your return."
"That's fine. I heard Frank's yelling after I left the first time. I knew why you didn't seem like yourself."
"You heard him?"
"His voice carries, Jare."
"I'm so embarrassed."
"Why? It was a bad situation and you're out of it now. It wasn't your fault. He was the first guy you dated. You didn't know any better."
"Jensen?"
"Yeah."
"Did you miss me?"
"I sure did. I remember begging my parents to turn the car around. I must have pestered them for the first month to move back here. I'm surprised they had the patience to put up with me."
"How do you feel towards me? Just friends?"
"Not 'just', Jared. We were best friends from the time we were little until I had to move. That kind of connection doesn't go away."
Jared struggled with the next part. "Could you ever love me? Date me kind of love me?" He kept picking at the ugly bedspread.
"Maybe. I think I'm feeling more besides just friendship for you."
"Then, could you love me? How it's supposed to be? Make me forget the bad?"
"I don't know. I mean, are we still friends after we do that?"
"Yeah. Friends or maybe more. You've been trying to tell me how it's supposed to be. Can you show me?"
"Let me go for a quick walk. I'll be right back with my answer."
"Great. Now I've lost the only friend I had," Jared said.
"No. I just need to clear my head. I'll be back in less than fifteen, okay? I'm not upset."
Jared kept torturing the bedspread.
Once outside, Jensen took a deep breath. He knew that he wanted Jared. He also knew that there was no way he was going near him until he had lube and condoms. His walk was just a run to the gas station. If he couldn't make it good for Jared, he wasn't going to do it.
Jensen opened the door to find Jared in tears.
"You came back," his voice croaked as he wiped at his face.
"Of course I did. I told you I would," Jensen set the bag down and sat next to Jared.
"I expected to get a phone call saying that you weren't coming back."
Jensen sat down by Jared. "I wouldn't do that to you. Come here." Jensen held Jared. "If you still want me to, I can show you how I think it should go. I've never been with a guy before, though."
"With Frank there wasn't much to it. He'd just stick it in and go."
"Didn't he use anything?" Jensen was more than a little taken back by how Jared had described it.
"A condom. That's about it. Why?"
"Nothing for you to make it feel better?"
Jared shook his head.
"Did you ever switch positions?"
"Frank said he wasn't a woman and wasn't going to be the woman in our relationship. I didn't mind."
"It really should not have been like that, Jared," Jensen was near tears. "That's just awful. There is no woman in the relationship because it's two guys. One person might prefer a position but that doesn't mean it can't ever change. And, I'm betting you have painful memories?"
Jared nodded but couldn't look at him.
Jensen's heart broke for Jared. What he had settled for as love. How uncomfortable, not to mention painful it must have been. And how trusting he'd been when he was told that it was the way love went.
"Forget what you know," Jensen tilted Jared's chin so he could see his face. "I know I'm winging it here, but we'll go by the little information that I know and how we feel. That means you tell me if something is uncomfortable. You don't let it get to the point of pain before you tell me. I'll do the same for you, okay?"
Jared nodded with sad puppy eyes.
Jensen put a hand on the back of Jared's head and kissed him, lightly and gently. When Jared kissed him back, Jensen let him take the lead.
Before long, their clothes were on the floor.
"This is where I don't know how it's supposed to go," Jared whispered in Jensen's ear. "What do we do?"
"What feels good," Jensen replied as he led Jared to a bed.
They continued exploring with their mouths and hands.
"Do you trust me?" Jensen asked point blank.
"Yes," Jared breathed.
"Lie on your stomach. I need to grab something."
Jared did as he was told.
"Remember, if something doesn't feel good, we stop," Jensen reminded him. "Lift up." He placed a pillow under Jared's hips and eased his thighs apart.
"Relax, Jared. It's just me."
Jared's body visibly relaxed as he sighed. His legs fell open.
"What's that?" Jared tensed when he heard something snap open.
"Shh. Just lube. It's okay."
Jensen knelt between Jared's legs and nudged them further open. He slicked his fingers, adding more than he ever thought they'd need. He rubbed it around Jared's opening slowly, not rushing into anything.
"You sure you still want this?" asked Jensen.
"Yes."
"Okay. I'm going to use my fingers now."
Jared nodded. He felt Jensen insert a finger and started to squirm.
"Talk to me," Jensen said.
"Just strange. Not necessarily bad."
"Try to relax," Jensen rubbed his other hand on Jared's back. He felt the muscles unclench and slid in further. "Still doing okay?"
"Just adjusting."
Jensen waited for some time, rubbing Jared's back and allowing him to get used to the feeling. Then, he added a second.
Jared tried his best not to move.
Jensen curved his fingers and found Jared's sweet spot.
"Jens!" Jared almost jumped off the bed.
"Was that good?"
Jared nodded.
Jensen scissored his fingers and stroked that spot, keeping Jared lost in the sensations he was getting bombarded with.
"You're allowed to move," Jensen told him as he realized Jared was lying stone still.
Jared pushed back on Jensen's fingers, pumping them in and out.
"I just--" Jared couldn't finish his thought.
"I'll get you there, Jare. Just give me a few more minutes."
Jared slowed his pumping and Jensen inserted a third.
"Need . . . Jens . . . Need . . ."
"Just let me get ready," Jensen sloppily poured lube on himself, being very generous with it.
He was ready to go when he asked Jared one more time, "Are you sure you want this?"
"Now." Jared's hips were moving.
"Be still for a minute," he put his hands on Jared's hips and pressed in.
Jared moaned.
"We good?" Jensen choked the words out. It was taking all of his self-control to go slow.
"More."
Once he was all in, Jensen was sweating. He stayed still for a little bit and then moved slowly.
"Oohh," Jared moved along with Jensen.
Jared's moans made it difficult for Jensen to hold on much longer. After a few quick thrusts, he was draped across Jared's back.
"Jensen . . . I didn't know . . . "
"Me either," Jensen placed a kiss on his neck. "That was love."
"I don't know how I could have been so confused," Jared was breathing heavy.
"It's easy to do," Jensen laughed a little. "I thought I was only into girls."
"What changed your mind?"
"You."
***
Although Jared knew now how it should have been with Frank, and that he was someone to avoid, Jared's parents didn't understand why their son broke up with such a wonderful boyfriend. To avoid being stressed out at home, Jared stayed with Jensen and his folks. He went to school, phoned home to let them know that he was okay, and slowly healed and became more like he used to be.
Jensen's feelings for Jared had taken Jensen by surprise. After the time they'd spent together, learning more about each other and what they'd done since Jensen's move, Jensen felt more of a pull toward Jared. It wasn't just to be friends or just to be best friends. It was to be with him.
Frank didn't handle the restraining order that kept him away from Jensen's house very well. When he stood outside the house on the sidewalk, Jensen called the police. Frank had tried to argue that the sidewalk was public property but the police told him that it didn't matter if it was public property or not. It was still too close to the Ackles' house.
Jared was soft-hearted and just couldn't bring himself to press charges against Frank. Jensen tried to understand and just be supportive of Jared avoiding Frank now.
"Is there something going on between you and Jared?" Jensen's mom asked him one morning when he was eating breakfast and Jared was in the shower.
After all his parents had done, she deserved an honest answer.
"Yeah, Mom."
She kept her composure pretty well. "Just not when we're home. Be careful with him, honey. He's not quite back to being himself."
"Thanks."
She nodded and went back to the sink.
Jared entered the kitchen and it was just like a typical morning.
***
Jared was able to get his classes switched to those that suited him more. He had two classes with Jensen and they had lunch together. Although school was in walking distance, Jensen's parents had bought him an old beater because it was safer for him than walking with Frank out there.
Frank pled guilty to the damage he did to the car and harassing phone calls. He got fined, which his parents most likely paid off without as much as batting an eye, and sentenced to community service. The judge also strongly warned him against repeating his mistakes. Frank looked remorseful in court but Jensen and Jared knew it wasn't real.
"You doing okay?" Jensen asked as he and Jared walked out of the courthouse.
Jared nodded. Then, he saw his parents.
"Jared," his mom was hugging him, almost squeezing the air out of him. "Why don't you just come home? I'm sure we can work this all out."
"I'm not going back to Frank, Mom."
"I just don't understand. Can you give me the reasons why?"
Jared got a sad look on his face.
"Not right now," Jensen replied for him.
"Will you butt out? Jared didn't have these troubles before you came back to town."
"Mom, stop it."
"These 'troubles' as you called them had been going on for a mighty long time before I came back to town. I was just the first to see it for what it really was.," Jensen was mad at Jared's parents and yet he could understand their confusion when Jared wasn't telling him, now or ever, what his relationship with Frank had really been like.
"We need to go," Jared grabbed Jensen's arm.
"Why did you need to upset your mother?" Jared's dad asked.
"I'm sorry about that. I'll call you tonight," Jared looked at the ground as he and Jensen walked to the car.
***
After supper, homework done, Jared and Jensen went for a drive. It had become a routine for them, grabbing some time away where they could be themselves.
When they were gone, Jensen's dad asked his mom, "The boys leave here every night. Are they dating?"
"I think so, dear."
His dad was silent and his mom waited for a response that could be anger or acceptance.
All his dad said was, "At least we know he's a nice boy."
His mom smiled and went back to her reading.
They found a deserted place outside of town where they could see the stars.
"How was your mom doing tonight?"
"Not much better," Jared replied. "I can't tell them what happened, though."
"You don't have to."
"I know I should be feeling better about myself, and I do, a little. There's just so much still leftover that is icky."
"Icky. Is that a scientific term?" Jensen smiled.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Do you need to talk to someone?"
"There's no one to talk to about this."
"There's me," Jensen took his hand.
"No," Jared appeared as if he was looking for the catch, the trap that Jensen had to be setting. "You wouldn't want to be with me."
"Yes, I would. It's part of your past. I'm here to listen whenever you need to talk."
Jared was silent.
"I already know part of it, right? You really think it's going to make a difference if I know more?"
Jared shrugged, but he looked up into Jensen's face and the words just started flowing out. All of the hurt, embarrassment, disgust, and other emotions came out as well.
Jensen just let him talk. When Jared was all done, he looked exhausted.
"Slide over," Jensen put an arm on the back of the seat.
Jared rested his head on Jensen's shoulder and realized that they were okay. He'd brought the darkest memories into the open and Jensen hadn't run or turned him away. As his heartbeat slowed to normal, he relaxed against Jensen, closed his eyes, and just rested.
Jensen didn't show any emotions while he listened to Jared. He could hear the hurt and feel the pain in Jared's voice, but he didn't show any outward sign of it. When Jared was able to just rest against him, Jensen felt that the worst of the Frank situation was over. He was wrong.
***
Over a month went by without any problems with Frank. No phone calls or appearing on the sidewalk outside the Ackles' home. Jared's parents seemed to be getting over Frank but Jared still didn't want to move home.
Jensen and Jared were out for one of their night time drives. Autumn was arriving and there was a slight chill in the air. Off in the distance, someone had been burning leaves. Jensen got out of the car and Jared followed. Jensen liked the smell of the leaves and Jared was content just keeping him company, leaning against the relic that was their key to freedom.
"Thought I'd find you here," a familiar voice came out of the darkness.
"Frank," Jared's mouth went dry. "Why are you here?"
"Get in the car," Jensen pushed Jared toward the car door.
"Apparently you still need me to protect you, baby," Frank was back to his usual lines. "I warned you about this one, though, didn't I?"
Jared tried to talk Frank down. "We weren't looking for the same things, Frank. It wouldn't have worked."
"It worked. It was working just fine until someone came back to town," Frank was clearly angry.
"Car!" Jensen tried to get through to Jared.
There was some rustling and a few of Frank's buddies from school rushed Jensen, throwing punches and catching him off guard.
"Frank! Make them stop!" Jared couldn't believe that Frank had actually arranged an ambush.
Frank had a predatory look to him. "I just came back to get what's mine."
From the ground, Jensen got the word 'car' out one more time.
Frank blocked Jared's way and threw some punches of his own. Jared had never been a fighter, he was the clown that everybody liked at school. Once his mind began to clear, he kicked the back of Frank's knee, he knew Frank had injured it a year before. Frank dropped and Jared got into the car and locked the doors.
Jensen's cell phone was on the dash. Jared didn't waste any time wondering about it, he just called 9-1-1. Whatever loyalty he had ever felt toward Frank had vanished. While on the phone with dispatch, he saw two men haul a bloodied Jensen to his feet.
Frank had decided to tell Jensen in detail what kind of whore Jared was. He was very descriptive about acts and events that had happened. Jared's heart pounded in his chest and he heard the foulest words come out of Frank’s mouth and realized that they were about him. Jensen didn't argue or respond. Jared couldn't tell how badly he'd been hurt.
Stories Frank told made Jared's skin crawl. He struggled to stay in the present and not let Frank's mind games drag him back to being numb. He gave the dispatcher all the information he could about Frank and his friends.
As soon as sirens could be heard, Frank and company bolted.
Jared ran to where they had dropped Jensen.
"I'm so sorry. I knew I couldn't fight them off," Jared's tears fell on Jensen.
"You got us help," Jensen whispered before his eyes shut again.
***
Jared phoned Jensen's parents while the paramedics were getting Jensen into the ambulance. They wouldn't let him ride in back with Jensen, but he was able to catch a ride with them in the front seat.
"The cops caught the guys responsible," the medic who was driving told Jared. "From your descriptions, they know they have the right ones."
Jared just nodded.
***
Jensen was in the hospital overnight. He had a bad concussion, various stitches and bruises and a broken wrist.
After seeing Jensen and realizing that Jared wasn't going to leave his side, Jensen's parents went home to get some sleep.
The police interviewed Jared in Jensen's room while Jensen was still out. Before Jensen left the hospital, he had to talk to them, too.
Frank was eighteen. He would be doing time instead of college because police had found a switchblade on him, along with various weapons in the car. Apparently, if he couldn't have Jared, no one could. He'd gone there with a slight notion that he might be able to get Jared back, and the decision made to kill Jared if he didn't.
"We'll get your statements typed up and bring them over to your house in a couple days," the officer told them. "Frank is being held without bond. He's a flight risk because of his parents' resources. He won't bother you again."
***
Back home, both of them needed rest. Although Jared didn't have any broken bones, he had a bruised up face. Jensen's mother tended to them. She put them both in Jensen's bed and kept the ice packs and pills coming. She called Jared's folks and they came over. They peeked in at the two of them and realized exactly how wrong they were about Frank.
"Jared?" Jensen's voice was hoarse.
"Yeah."
"Are you hurt?"
"Bruised but otherwise fine. I'm sorry I couldn't make them stop."
"You did what you could," Jensen turned to face him. "Otherwise, we'd both be hurt worse than me or dead."
"All those things Frank said--"
"I didn't listen to him."
"They were true and I thought you might not want to be around me anymore," Jared's eyes filled with tears.
"Remember when you told me about the bad memories? Nothing changed then and nothing is changing now."
"But what he said, it was awful---"
"It's the past, Jared. I only worry about you. How are you dealing with it?"
"It brought back those scientifically 'icky' feelings."
"The person he was talking about wasn't you, Jared. It was who he'd turned you into, who he'd wanted you to be."
Jared was silent.
"I'm lucky because I know you--the real you. The big-hearted goofball that makes people laugh and feel better. That's who I have here next to me."
"That's how you see me, even after all that has happened?"
"Of course it is. I never lost sight of who you were, even if you did for a little bit."
Jared scooted closer to Jensen, "How are you feeling?"
"Busted up my right wrist. Think I'll be needing some help until I can figure out how to be left-handed."
"I'll help ya."
"Damn right you will. We're in this together, alright? I figure we're due a long stretch of good karma after this."
"Yeah, we are."