Betty Morland ℘ [Robin Hood] (aclue) wrote in ourtrueselves, @ 2010-04-07 09:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | betty peabody |
I need a fix cause I'm going down (Happiness is a warm gun)
Who: Betty Peabody
What: Betty is emo and restless, also she won't shut up in my head but that's nothing new!
When: Wednesday, late afternoon, April 7th 2010
Where: Camelot HQ, then elsewhere.
Warnings: None? Uh. Emotastic?
Betty had been staying mostly locked away in her room at Camelot Head Quarters since she'd gotten out of the hospital Saturday night. She'd come out to eat, which was hardly ever. She couldn't tell if it was her or the drugs that made her not have much of an appetite, but eating dinner with Aimee last night had been an honest to god struggle. Not the drinking though, Betty had managed to do that pretty well. She'd never considered herself to be much of a tequila girl, but apparently right now it was the best kind of medicine apart from the vicodin she'd been prescribed for her arm and ribs. Was she supposed to be drinking while heavily medicated? She didn't care. Was she supposed to be moving around a lot with the injuries she'd sustained? She didn't care about that either.
The war had been won, and Camelot had come out the winners. Betty was shocked by how little she cared, when she'd been fighting so hard for this very result. It's possible that she'd simply just gotten too caught up in it, in everything. Being Camelot's head of combat had done things to her, things she still couldn't find a name for, but she didn't like it. Or was she just that self righteous? It would be like her, or rather like Robin, to get so caught up in a cause that you forget why you're doing it until you've burned yourself and everything around you. Or maybe, she'd simply lost too much for it to really be worth it to her in the end. Maybe it just wasn't worth the broken arm, the broken ribs, the bruises covering her entire body. It wasn't worth all the people that had gotten hurt in the process.
Michael was dead. The one and only person in her life who had ever put all of their faith into her, and he was dead, and Betty couldn't help feeling like she could have somehow prevented it. For the good part of two months, she'd been a stripper. She'd done terrible things in the name of getting justice for Frankie, and even though her shooter was now behind bars and so was the bitch who'd ordered the hit, it didn't make Betty feel any better about what she'd done. She and Elliot had never been close but even so, having to arrest a family member had hit her hard. She'd killed people in the name of Camelot, and had almost gotten killed herself, might have gotten killed at the hands of Leon's friend, her friend too or almost friend. Logan and Sam were both in jail and Betty was inwardly petrified that Leon had snapped that night when he'd heard the news.
He'd seemed relatively alright when he'd visited her in the hospital, but Leon had always been a good liar, she really couldn't tell. And she'd kept her run in with Sam to herself, he didn't need to know who had been responsible for what she looked like, not right now anyway. If it hadn't been for Phin she might not have made it through the battle, and yet she couldn't muster up a single word for him now. Or anyone really, even Aimee who she'd known since before she could crawl Betty found it hard to talk to her right now. The tequila helped, and when she was doped up that helped too. But when she was stone cold sober like this, she didn't want to talk to anybody. No one. Maybe that wasn't fair, but she was so far deep inside herself right now that she could give a fuck.
She'd lost her way, and she had no idea where she was going now. If she was even going anywhere. Even before all of this had exploded, things had been a mess for her. It was almost comical to think that not too long ago, being caught between two men had been the worst of her problems. Not anymore, but it was still a problem. She couldn't deal with Phin, or any of the implications that came along with him right now. If she was being really honest with herself, the entire time Betty had never really known who it was. If it was her or Robin that had been more invested, they'd known from the beginning that Phin had Marian, what if this had just been a huge fluke? And then there was Leon, who Betty could barely face right now as she'd been partially responsible for the imprisonment of his own sister and friend. He had no idea just how responsible she'd been.
The sun was low in the sky when Betty finally realized she'd been sitting outside on the grass for a lot longer then the hour she'd promised herself earlier. Goosebumps were starting to rise on the skin of her arms and she shivered, she'd forgotten a sweater, but she didn't care. What was she supposed to do now? The war was over, Michael was dead, Camelot would surely not stay the way it had been. What would she do now? She had no purpose, no direction, nothing. And for the first time in her life, that scared her. After a moment she reached into the bag by her legs and struggled open the cap on the vicodin, thank god it was her left arm that was broken. She swallowed the pills dry and wiped her mouth, welcoming the all consuming numbness she'd soon feel. She didn't want to go back in there, so instead she got up and started walking. Where she was going? She didn't know. Maybe just around the court yard, maybe to a nearby town. Maybe on the other side of the country, who knows, Betty just wanted to get lost for awhile.