You know, I don't know how to feel. I know how I feel, which is more than a little conflicted. And, I'm slightly pissed with myself for that email in the first place. Not asking you if it was real, but how I asked it. I don't like coming off like that, but that's all I seem capable of doing - whiny little girl who's having a bad time of it.
Conflicted: It's sexy. I won't lie. It's damn sexy that you've got that dark thing going. And, I know it has nothing to do with Padme which makes me want to hold on to it - the idea that it's sexy.
It's stupid. I don't care how ingrained it is; you've got a daughter. What if "normal" gets you killed? Can you think of a better way to make sure she ends up in that life? Sure, I'm basing my theory on movies, tv, books, and such, but that cycle wouldn't be in our culture that way if there wasn't some truth to it.
I'm angry - you should have told me. And I think I'm hurt for two reasons: residual from the whole Skywalker/Vader shit (this bitch brings more baggage than I want, right?), and I like to know things.
So, yeah. The part of me that's winning right now? It's the part that I know is very much me, even if it is stupid. Oh, if you're wondering, not drugged on anything. Just tired of pussy footing around with her. Sorry, this got wordy.