Private
Oh, but that must be even worse, I'm sorry! It's awful when people turn out not to be who you thought they were.
Sometimes, though, you just cannot win, because if you did kiss him, because you wanted to, then he might expect very much more, and then trap you in a corner and shout about how selfish you are because you'd rather live your own life than spend it running his household and bearing his children and never having a single ambition of your own.
It's better if you have family behind you. A brother, a father, a wealthy old aunt - someone without all those expectations, who will look after you anyway. I'm lucky that way, I suppose. Not everyone has that.