Private
I'm sorry, I'm being quite needlessly argumentative. What if I tell you that if I ever meet someone here with whom I do think it would be appropriate to discuss such things, I'll remember your advice, and take the opportunity?
It would be more worrying if you didn't fear death, I think. And like all of us, for as long as you want to keep on living, and you're able to, you should. No need to worry about decisions which may be a long way off.
Oh my, do you mean to say He was kind to you, then? He must have been, if you could love him despite everything. A cruel nature rather spoils a handsome face, I find.