"Sometimes...not always." He tried to give a half shrug, but even that fell flat. He was pretty sure no one could understand what he'd been through before his brother and Cas had stopped him. It wasn't an excuse. There was no excuse. For any of it. "Sometimes I wondered just who I protected. I never did a very good job of protecting who mattered the most to me."
He shrugged, settling before moving his hand to lightly touch her hair, patting over it before lightly combing his fingers through it, slow in case she was a bit too tousled for it. He hummed, thinking, fighting off the small shiver from the touch. "Heh..." He took a turn to sound almost amused. "If someone has asked me that a few years back I'd say damn lucky... now. I don't know. Maybe cursed. I try not to think about it too much. I just am, I guess."