intro - flashback Who: Steve Rogers What: Narrative (Intro post) Where: Avengers Complex, back on MCU Earth When: January 20th, 2019 (rewind a couple of days) Note: I'm an idiot and this was meant to be posted as my intro post before his thread with Bucky. AU splinter reality set after Endgame trailer where Scott Lang's plan fails before it even begins.
Even the deep hatred the memory of Thanos' smirking face could nor rouse Steve from the deep funk he was in. He had sunk into the deepest pit of depression yet, and this had been a secret battle of his since he had lost Bucky the first time during World War II. Back then, there had been so much yet to do, it seemed. Everything felt so urgent, the world had such need of a superhero, and Steve was such a good little soldier that he ignored his gut when the high command told him Bucky's body was never recovered. He had accepted Bucky could not have survived such a fall, and always had the intention of going back to recover the body when the war was over to give him a proper burial. But he failed at that too.
Instead he spent 66 years in suspended animation, frozen in the Arctic ice. He woke up to find his whole world gone, along with nearly everyone he had known. Those who were still alive were so old as to be unrecognizable, further making him feel like a man out of time.
Then he found Bucky again. He had to plow through the nightmare of knowing his brave and noble friend had been put through hell and back, brainwashed and turned into a mindless killing machine. Steve didn't care. He had to get him back. He had to help his friend become whole again. Especially after hearing Rumlow brag about HYDRA having the Winter Soldier.
"You know, he remembered you. Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky." Crossbones' words, and the visceral reaction they had caused, had featured in Steve's nightmares often. Learning that Bucky was still being tortured to this day had gutted him, but it also confirmed that his friend was still in there, trying to fight. Otherwise they wouldn't need to keep messing with his mind in such a violent fashion.
Steve wasn't the type to complain about unfairness, because fairness is a human construct. But it is a good one, and part of his moral compass, so when faced with unfairness Steve is compelled to do something about it. He would do it for anyone. Anyone at all. He still didn't know for sure what he would do for Bucky.
From a more selfish standpoint, Bucky was still young in body, like himself. Nobody better to understand him. Perhaps to share this brand new world, where everyone else they knew was gone. The world was so different now. Maybe... maybe even the unspeakable could be spoken of now. So many maybes. But there was never time. And he had to give Bucky a chance to become himself again. To be whole and healthy. Steve could wait. He'd waited all these decades, he could wait a few months more. To the end of the line, buddy, he thought to himself often, bringing a rare smile to his face. Others noticed too.
He lost valuable friendships, and his standing before the international community by defending Bucky, even in the face of his unspeakable crimes. Hell, he'd dropped his shield for him, proving to himself that he'd always choose Bucky. But Buck was family. One does not simply give up on family. At the end of the day, the important thing was that his best friend be saved, even from himself. He thought that he would have what it takes to end the Winter Soldier if he was truly irredeemable, but when it came right down to it, he couldn't do it. He would have let the Soldier land the killing blow, that day when HYDRA went down. Instead, he'd set the Soldier free, and Bucky had saved his life. He needed no more proof than that as to whether Bucky could be saved.
Steve's conviction even helped bring T'Challa on board, and Bucky was himself again, mostly. He'd been getting regular updates. But there was never time. When he finally saw Bucky again, looking so much like himself Steve couldn't keep the grin off his face, it was only to face Thanos. Thanos and his Infinity Gauntlet. Thanos and his cruel snap.
Every time he thought about that moment, Steve couldn't hold back the tears. It haunted him, even in his dreams. He kept replaying it over and over in his head. Bucky's last word, his very last breath had been spent calling out Steve's name. It was the weight of all the things he'd never said, of the love that dared not speak its name that he'd never confessed, that was crushing Steve these days. Every day it was harder to stave off despair.
His hair and beard grew wild and out of control until Natasha saw fit to give him a dressing down that would have made the toughest drill sergeant proud. He cut his hair and shaved off his beard that same day, and started wearing his old uniform. The one he had been wearing around the time he met the infamous Winter Soldier and realized his true identity. If anybody noticed this detail, nobody called him on it. To be fair, everybody was drowning in their own grief and processing it to the best of their ability.
Scott Lang's arrival and proposal was the final straw. On the one hand, it was one great final whisper of hope, but on the other it was hope that was dashed when the technology didn't yield the desired results. Either the tech failed, or the Quantum Realm itself was a sentient thing that had refused to lend its help in righting Thanos' wrongs.
It was too much.
When Steve woke up one morning to find a magical invitation on his night stand, he didn’t care that it might be a trap. He didn’t even think about it much. He read the strange glowy words: Til the end of the line. Just say yes. But you can never come back.
He carefully set the invite down on his pillow and had the sense to pack his belongings and uniform in a large duffle bag with a sense of finality. He recorded a farewell message in case anyone came back to the complex.
"Hey, Nat. Or whoever finds this. Probably Nat. I have to leave for a while. I got a lead. It's not a very good one," he said, shaking his head. "It's too thin to... involve anyone else, but I have to follow it." He looked away from the camera for a long moment before going on. "I may not come back. Don't worry about me. I just. I just need some time away. Give my best to the others. Rogers out."
And then he said yes.
Worst case scenario, he would be magically delivered into an ambush by some new or perhaps some old enemy. Bad news for them, because Steve had nearly a century of pent up grief, rage he never allowed to take hold, and denied bitterness he was just raring to let out. If this was some kind of trap, whoever set it was about to learn what a berserk super soldier with nothing left to lose was capable of. Steve could almost feel sorry for them if that was the case.
However, even the remote possibility that the invitation would lead him to a place where Bucky wasn't dead... well. There was simply no other choice. Even broken, feeling dead inside, Steve was hardwired to always choose hope. Wherever this adventure went, Steve would count it as a win.