Dumat: The Dragon of Silence (nearestvessel) wrote in onewaythreads, @ 2018-03-07 11:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | hakkon, samandriel |
WHO: Samandriel and Hakkon
WHERE: Hakkon's place
WHEN: 01 March
WHAT: Heaven's Most Adorable Angel goes to see a god for warmth and security. He starts off silent, but eventually gets coaxed into speaking. They discuss their relationship and things get a little more settled for both of them
RATING: PG-13 for shirtless boys making out, FTB before anything serious happens.
STATUS: Complete
It was warm. Just a little. There was something wrong with the world, but there was always something wrong with the world. None of that was unusual.
Samandriel woke that morning (because he slept now. He liked sleeping. It let him turn off. Heaven never let him turn off. Always going. Always doing something even when they were shut off behind the gates,) wrapped up around the bear he was still pretty sure he’d made for himself. It was a good bear. Today it was bigger than it’d been before. He guessed his dreams probably needed more of it.
His feathers worked again. He realized that. The strength coming back to him properly. The fractals were still there. The fractals were going to be there for a very, very long time. He could fly now. Properly. Maybe paint a little if he wished. He wouldn’t sing. There wasn’t any reason to sing. Father had stopped listening eons ago and no one needed to suffer his voice anymore anyway.
Still. All his feathers were there and the colour was coming back to them. Different than before.
His eyes remained closed. Not the eyes of his vessel. Those were open. The eyes of Himself. The extra ones that most couldn’t see. If he kept those closed, maybe the world wouldn’t hurt so much.
His great wings flapped and he found himself sitting next to the bear in the bear’s new home. Not warded out. That was good. Maybe he should be. Maybe he should paint this place with seals and sigils and protect his friend. Protect the safety of a god who didn’t seem to seek to devour him or anyone else.
Samandriel opened his mouth to speak and- And nothing. Silence for now, then. He didn’t think Duma would be too upset. It wasn’t forever. It wasn’t forever and there were always ways of speaking that didn’t require words at all.
The stuffed bear was still in his lap. Big. Soft. Shades of brown that almost looked right if they weren’t so clean.
He looked at Hakkon.
Hakkon looked at Samandriel.
“You should have told me you were coming over, I would have made more.” The Avvar god said, lifting a steaming plate of golden brown rectangles. He had discovered the other uses for the internet not so long ago and was enjoying watching video after video. It had been in the middle of one of these videos that he happened upon a commercial for some sort of snack he’d never seen before. It looked like golden brown pastry filled with cheese, little bits of meat and tomato sauce, something that looked delicious, if the people in the commercial were to be believed. The internet hadn’t helped him find them so instead he willed them into existence, something that seemed like a good life choice as he already had two plates so far that day.
“These young men are playing a game where they are breaking eggs over their heads.” He offered the plate to Samandriel, then nodded to the screen in front of him. “Apparently the object is to find the cooked egg, because if they get covered in egg they lose. It is rather funny.”
Samandriel looked at the pizza rolls and shook his head, tucking his legs more under him as he watched. It was a silly little game. He didn’t mind it too much even if he didn’t completely get the point of it. Hakkon didn’t seem mad at him for last time. That was good.
“So,” Hakkon said before blowing on a roll before popping it into his mouth and eating it quickly. “Are you feeling better? I imagine the bear helps. It is very cute, your mind has good tastes in stuffed bears.”
Ah that was the answer then. He’d made it. Good to know. He rested his chin on the bear, thinking over his options. Speaking was safe with Hakkon. Hakkon didn’t mind his voice. Still… I didn’t know which one of us made it.
He looked to the angel, it had taken him some time to figure out what that was but he thought he understood what it meant. It made a kind of sense, in his mind Samandriel needed a new god to cling to and he was happy to help. “It might be easier if you speak aloud. You have to be kind to the vocal cords of your body, they need a good using every now and then.”
Samandriel shook his head. No none of that. No more speaking. He got in trouble when he spoke. He watched the video for a few breaths more. I speak with this voice and I hear the boy that was. It hurts. I couldn’t save him and my home is...it’s all his things like this place didn’t know the difference. Hard enough to use these hands and look out through these eyes.
“You can’t change them to something new and more suitable for you?” He asked, a little surprised at the lack of control angels had over their bodies. There was no way he was going to join him in speaking that way, the last thing he needed was to start projecting his thoughts, Samandriel didn’t deserve that.
Even if I could, I wouldn’t. He probably could, but it felt… it felt wrong. It felt like it was going to upset the balance and be some kind of offense to his Father’s creation. He didn’t like that. Sure, their Father had abandoned them, but that didn’t mean… If I offend you, I can leave… He didn’t want to stay if Hakkon didn’t like him there.
“As long as you do not try to dig around inside my head I do not mind.” He had another roll, shrugging after he finished it. “I do not mind how you speak, as long as you speak. I am glad to see you, I was concerned after the last time.”
The angel looked down at the pizza rolls and finally took one, taking a bite of half of it even though some part of him could still feel Alfie rolling his eyes and telling him he was supposed to eat it all in one and let it burn his mouth when it popped. They’d shared a lot while Samandriel was trying to protect him. Distracting him with things he liked was easier than giving either of them too much time to focus on the pain.
Samandriel frowned a little. No. These weren’t right. He didn’t need Alfie there to tell him either. They were pizza rolls, sure, but they were made by someone who had eaten too fresh and didn’t really understand how processed foods worked. The undertone was gone. The crust tasted all off and besides… He rested his hand on the plate itself and changed them. These were his favourite. Coated in ranch, a little bit of a kick. He didn’t think Hakkon would much know what ranch was, but that was okay. He’d learn.
I won’t go digging. I promise. Even if I don’t understand why you’re getting concerned about me.
“I found you broken and bleeding. The only difference between then and now is that the bleeding has stopped.” He pointed out, tilting his head at the pizza rolls and sniffing at them before cautiously putting one in his mouth. He couldn’t name the favor but he quickly decided he approved, and that Samandriel had improved them a great deal. “Mm, nice. What is that?”
Hakkon had a point. He had several points, but Samandriel didn’t want to acknowledge most of them. Ignoring the break had to be better than confronting something that couldn’t be fixed. “Ranch,” he said, daring to speak a little. As long as it was just him and Hakkon it was probably safe.
“Ranch. I like it. It is different though. It does not taste quiet natural but I will not hold it against it.” He had a second one, deciding not to make a big deal of his speech so he would not cause him to rethink it and go back to silence.
“Most of things these days don’t taste quite natural.” Samandriel adjusted his hold on his bear. “You smell like fox too.”
“I spent some time with my brother not so long ago, he’s a fox. We tend to cuddle together, though I think he likes me better as a man, easier to scratch him the way he likes without massive bear claws.” He had another before setting the plate down on the coffee table. “Does that smell bother you, I can get rid of it if it does.”
“No, it’s okay. I was just wondering where it came from.” He closed his eyes and just felt out into the world for a little bit. “You cuddle with a lot of people don’t you?”
“Not as much as I used to. Here, so far, it has only been you and Imhar. I’ve not spent much time with anyone else. That said, I do believe in cuddling. It is good for the heart, literally and figuratively.” He said, cleaning his hands before properly wrapping Samandriel up in his arms.
The angel let himself be wrapped up. It was good. Warm and strong and safe. “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You keep saying that. I tell you what, if you start to be a bother, I will let you know.” He said, smiling to himself as he hugged the angel tighter. He understood why the poor thing was anxious but he wanted him to know that he didn’t have to worry about a thing with him.
Samandriel nodded. “Promise?”
“Absolutely. I promise.” He said, resting his chin atop the angel’s head. “I enjoy your company.”
“Gods know why,” he said, managing a small little laugh.
“I do know why.” He said, pulling his head back enough so he could press a light kiss to Samandriel’s temple.
“Why then?” he asked, looking up at him.
“You said gods know why, and we do. But you are not a god. I am not sure you could handle that level of knowledge.” He teased with a slight smirk before tapping the end of Samandriel’s nose with his finger.
“Wow, real helpful aren’t you?” Samandriel wrinkled his nose.
“I am.” He grinned, pulling Samandriel into a tighter hug. “I am not the sort of man who would lie to make you feel better. I do like having you close, you feel like you need someone to be close to.”
“You feel like I can trust you, maybe a little bit.” He kissed Hakkon’s cheek. “I like how warm you are, both physically and in your heart.”
“Everyone expects me to be cold. The blessing I grant is a resistance to cold, so it makes a sort of sense that I would be warm.” He shrugged a little. “The bear is even warmer.”
“Yeah, but the bear needs a bath. His fur is a little coarse.”
“Are you offering to bathe and brush his fur? I am not sure how much he would tolerate of that.” He kissed Samandriel’s cheek, his soft beard lightly tickling him.
“The bear is you so you should be sure,” he pointed out.
“Alright, alright. It would depend on the smell of the soap and how gentle you are with my fur.” He doubted Samandriel would actually do it, and he was sure that if Samandriel was genuinely upset by his smell he would fix that for him if he asked.
“I guess,” he said, closing his eyes and basking a little.
“Your stuffed bear might be nicer, at least when it comes to smells and ease of holding.” He pointed out, smiling a little at him.
“It smells like you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Then clearly you like the way I smell.” He teased him a little.
“Maybe a little,” Samandriel said, kissing his lips gently. “So long as you’re a man.”
“You like men best of all? Or do you simply like me better as I am now?” He was a little curious, he seemed the type not to hide his interests and desires.
“I have zero interest in sleeping with a bear if that’s what you’re asking,” Samandriel said, “But you can pretend if you wish.”
“It was more of a general question about what you like, but that is a relief. As long as you promise not to tell anyone else, I can admit that I would much rather be in this form than be a bear.” He told him truthfully.
“Ahh,” the angel said, “Well, I’m glad we established that. It’s been… It’s been a very long time, though.”
“I imagine it has more to do with intimacy for you, that it isn’t a drive to procreate.” Angels didn’t reproduce, or so the internet had suggested.
“Probably,” he agreed. He kissed him again, daring just a little bit.
He’d be worried before about how the angel seemed to cling to him, that he would hide behind him and be desperate for comfort only because he was frightened. Maybe he still had reason to worry, but he didn’t think about that so much in that moment. It was simply easier to return the kiss and not think too deeply about it.
He pressed his forehead to Hakkon’s once the kiss ended. “Thank you.”
“I don’t know if I’ve done anything worth being thanked for, but I’m glad you liked it.” He said, closing his eyes for a moment. “Do you feel better now?”
“A little, yeah,” he whispered. “Do you? Are you okay with it? With...whatever we are?” Because clearly there was something there.
“I worry a little.” He admitted, deciding being honest was the best. “I’m concerned that after such terrible trauma you might cling to me, that you might make an emotional decision and not a wise one. But, I don’t know, when we spend time together like this, I don’t feel nearly as worried about you.”
“Emotional decisions aren’t always unwise,” he said, settling more comfortably in Hakkon’s lap for the both of them. “It’s hard being in that home. It’s quiet but not. Surrounded by all his things.”
He tenderly cupped Samandriel’s cheek. “It sounds like you shouldn’t have to be alone so often. You’re always welcome here, you know that.”
He met Hakkon’s eyes. “I worry too. About clinging.” But Hakkon knew that. Samandriel kept asking, making sure he wasn’t. Another kiss.
Hakkon’s arms moved lower around his hips, taking his time in returning his kiss before he spoke again. “You just seem to be at a low point. It might be that you need to be close and cling to someone just a little.”
“As long as you hold to your promise to tell me.” He looked down at the bear in his lap. “If you wanted to enchant it so you could check on me on your terms, I’d be okay with that. If it’ll help keep you from worrying sometimes.”
“You’re almost encouraging me to turn him into a real little bear for you, but your home is not exactly small bear friendly.” He looked down at the bear. “I could enchant him, if you think I need to.”
“If you think you need to,” he said, “I’d be okay with it. Just...to help keep you from worrying. No life, just a connection.”
He moved his hands to Samandriel’s shoulders, lightly squeezing. “I know it is what you want, there is nothing wrong with saying it. But very well, I will enchant him with something helpful and perhaps comforting for you.”
“Maybe it’s what we both want,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw and snuggling in again.
Hakkon rubbed at his back once he was settled. “Maybe it is. I like the idea of you having comfort when I’m not there.”
It let the bear god have as much space as he needed too, Samandriel supposed. He hugged the toy.
That made him smile and Hakkon found himself kissing Samandriel’s forehead. “Ah, I should stop that. I keep rubbing you with my beard, that likely doesn’t feel that nice for you.”
“I don’t mind your beard. It’s a good beard. Smells a bit like pizza roll right now.”
That made him chuckle, “Thank you. I’m glad you like it, pizza roll scent and all. Though I am sure that part will go away the next time I comb and oil it.”
“Then I should enjoy it now.” One more kiss. One more kiss to make Hakkon smile and maybe hear that laugh again. It ran rich and warm through him. He liked it.
Hakkon did beam at the little angel, “You might like it better when I oil it. I don’t know if you’re familiar with an artist named Bob Ross, but my oils make my beard smell like one was living in one of his paintings. Though sadly my voice is not as hypnotic.”
“Your voice is differently relaxing than his. He was… Bob Ross was a good man. He was one of mine. It just took him a little while to find his way.”
“An angel, a shell or someone who required inspiration?” He asked, mindlessly rubbing Samandriel’s back now.
“He was very mortal. Very human. Just someone who needed a little guidance.”
“You should be proud then. I found a string of videos on the internet that feature him. He has talent and an excellent attitude.”
“I liked him a great deal,” Samandriel agreed.
“Do you ever make art yourself?” He asked. “I know you mentioned the dawn before, but have you tried painting something for yourself?”
“Often. I can’t now.” He didn’t want to talk about it more than that. He’d tried. He didn’t like the things that came out if anything came out at all.
“I understand.” Working through what had happened with art might have been helpful but he wasn’t going to push him when it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it.
Samandriel wiggled and shifted until he was laying down instead. “Thank you for understanding.”
He ran his hand down Samandriel’s arm first before bringing it back up to run lightly over his hair. “I try.”
Tender. Samandriel hadn’t expected a man this massive who represented so much death in his way to be so...so tender with anyone. Especially him. He closed his eyes and let out a content little sigh as Hakkon’s fingers brushed over him, muscles fluttering a little with the light contact. He let go of his bear. Just in case Hakkon wanted to be closer.
“I had hoped that last time you would feel better after some sleep. Don’t tell me that you are falling asleep on me now. Not that I mind, but I think you would be more comfortable on the bed.” He said, lowering his voice a little.
Samandriel swore he could taste the tension in the air. Not bad tension, but tension all the same now that they were on the same page, that they’d had a little time apart to think. He adjusted his head on Hakkon’s massive thigh to look up at him as that voice sent little sparks down his spine. “Not sleeping. Just being close.”
He ran the backs of his fingers over Samandriel’s cheek before letting his hand drift down to his belly, it resting there as he looked down over the little angel. “It isn’t easy to focus on your flesh, but I do like to look at you, Samandriel.”
Almost self-consciously, Samandriel’s wings pulled a little tighter against his body. “Do you want us to be more comfortable?” Bed. Did Hakkon want to carry him to bed.
He could have transported them there but instead he simply moved his hands under the angel and lifted him as he got to his feet. The muscles in his arms weren’t just for show, not that Samandriel weighed much of anything. “We won’t have to stare at each other this way.”
The little stuffed bear fell to the floor as Samandriel adjusted in Hakkon’s arms to let the massive man carry him better. “I’m not sure there’s much that can get us to stop staring at each other at this point.”
“It is less blatant this way then.” Samandriel didn’t enjoy being looked at when someone could actually see him, he respected that. It was a short walk to the bedroom and when they reached it he gently laid Samandriel down before joining him.
The bear. His bear. He didn’t need his bear when he had Hakkon. Had the real thing. Even if his arms felt a little empty without it. He moved over a little to make room for him, but quickly reduced that space again once Hakkon had settled. “Is it?”
“Mmhmm,” He laid on his back and lifted his arm for Samandriel. When the angel came in close he wrapped that arm around him and cuddled him to his side. “I can look at the ceiling this way. Is this better?”
“You can, but you don’t want to,” he said, arm resting on Hakkon’s chest. He hesitated for a little bit. “If you don’t say anything about it, don’t worry at me about it, you can look sometimes. I just… I don’t want to- I don’t need to be reminded that I’m broken.”
He turned his head to kiss Samandriel’s forehead. “I want to do what will make you most comfortable, little angel. You are wonderful when you smile.”
Such small words, but they cut right through him all the same. Samandriel could feel the tears building and debated fighting them for a brief moment. “You can’t see me smile if you stare at the ceiling.”
“I said look at the ceiling, not stare. My eyes might roam around.” He wouldn’t tell him how he lit up when he smiled, how lovely it was, mostly because he wasn’t doing it enough and he didn’t want to upset him by pointing it out.
He pressed his forehead to Hakkon’s pectoral. “You do that a lot don’t you?”
“Let my eyes wander or be pedantic? I like to look at things, I always worry about missing something. Especially when I am somewhere new. Pedantry is a godly staple, you ought to know that.” He teased a little.
“Both.” He squirmed again and shifted until he was laying on top of Hakkon instead. “Better?”
He squeezed him just a little tighter once he was positioned, “Absolutely.” He likely should have said something to break the tension then but instead he fed into it, pressing his lips to Samandriel’s in a sweet kiss.
Samandriel met that kiss slowly. “Pizza beard,” he teased softly, nudging his nose gently against the slightly rough line of Hakkon’s jaw.
He laughed a little at that, “I have yet to have a proper pizza, you know? I hope the real thing smells as good as I do.”
“We’ll get you one soon.” He bet that Hakkon would like that.
“How good of you.” He said, watching Samandriel a moment or two before properly stealing another kiss from him.
“You might wanna stop that or I might get the impression you’re fond of me,” he murmured against his lips.
“What would be so wrong with you thinking I’m fond of you?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Perhaps it was a bad idea but he couldn’t deny that he was drawn to the angel.
“I might get attached,” he said, another kiss. Hakkon had very very nice lips.
“As long as it is because you like me and not because you are frightened of being alone, I don’t see a problem with it.” He said, wrapping his arms low around his hips.
Samandriel sat up to look down at him. “It’s because I like you,” he said. “It’s definitely because I like you.”
Hakkon brought his hands around front and ran them up his stomach and chest. “I cannot blame you. I am incredibly likable.” He would let Samandriel dictate things between them for now, at least until he was sure the little angel wasn’t going to be frightened off.
“Oh I hope the ego on you is worth it.”
He chuckled deep enough to make the little angel bounce slightly, “You will have to tell me.”
Samandriel rolled his hips. “Will I now?” he asked.
“I suppose I could make a double and have myself, but that might not be the most impartial way to do it. I am relatively sure I am worth my ego.” He said, dragging his hands back down to his hips.
“One day, you might know.” Samandriel laid down again. “What kind of pizza would you want?”
“Are they like the rolls or can they be different?” He asked, hiding his surprise at the return of their discussion on food.
“It’s flat, usually. WIth a lot of different things on it.” Samandriel frowned a little. “That’s probably not very helpful is it?”
“Perhaps not, but I don’t mind listening to you explain it.” He said, wrapping Samandriel up in his arms again.
“I think it might be easier to just get pizza.”
“That would make sense.” Keeping one arm around him, Hakkon reached up to rake his fingers through Samandriel’s hair. “Must we move?”
Another shiver, this one coupled with a content little moan against Hakkon’s throat. “Maybe a little, but not to get pizza if you don’t want.” He didn’t want to push Hakkon into anything he wasn’t wholly ready for yet.
“I don’t feel the urge to eat right now.” He said, turning his head enough that he could take a kiss from Samandriel’s lips. It was probably a mistake, getting physical with the angel, but he didn’t think of it that way in the moment.
The kisses were very, very nice. This amount of closeness, of intimacy was making things a little difficult for his vessel whether Alfie was in it or not. Samandriel wasn’t in the business of limiting physical functions like some angels were when they took vessels. He liked experiencing things, liked sharing. “I think you might be a little hungry all the same,” he whispered against Hakkon’s lips.
“I might be.” He whispered back, the arm that had been around him moving until he could get his hand up and under Samandriel’s shirt. He wasn’t reaching for anything more yet, he simply wanted to kiss him, feel his skin and the power just under it. They would have to take their time but Hakkon didn’t mind.
Samandriel’s back arched, pressing closer to the god under him. His wings stretched and flexed a little, half preening half content and both something he was sure Hakkon wasn’t going to be able to miss.
He felt the movement, even if it wasn’t on the same plane, and he had to pull back just a little so he could look. Samandriel’s wings might have been damaged but they were glorious and Hakkon had to fight the impulse to stare. “Can I touch them?”
The last being who’d touched his wings had been so, so violent with them. This god had been anything but, though. After a moment of hesitation, Samandriel shifted them to a plane where they could be touched and nodded a little. This was the test, wasn’t it?
Hakkon knew to be incredibly careful, not only because the angel had recent trauma to his wings but also because they were delicate and shouldn’t be manhandled. He lightly ran his fingertips over the feathers, making sure to pay close attention to how Samandriel was reacting.
He let Hakkon keep going for a few minutes, let him touch gently before it was too much and he had to put them elsewhere again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You don’t have to apologize.” He whispered against his temple before kissing him there. “I am honored that you even allowed me to see them. I hope I didn’t cause you pain.”
“You didn’t.” Samandriel lifted his head and stole a gentle kiss. “I wouldn’t’ve put us both through it if you were going to.”
When the kiss ended he touched his forehead to Samandriel’s, “I’m very happy to hear that. I don’t want you uncomfortable at all.”
“Good thing I’m pretty comfortable right now, then.” He reached up to touch the other man’s beard.
“I can tell.” He said, resisting the urge to turn his head and encourage beard scratching. It would have felt nice but he didn’t feel it suited the mood. He took a kiss, this one slow, letting his lips linger against Samandriel.
“Keep going,” he whispered, caressing his beard before sliding his hand down to his shoulder. “I promise I’ll tell you if it’s not okay anymore.”
He kissed him again, this one hungrier as he let his hands roam over the angel. Unsurprisingly, his large, warm hands found their way under Samandriel’s shirt again, feeling more of him but not yet drifting lower than his belt.
Samandriel banished his own shirt for the time being. Later. Later he’d bring it back. For now it was okay if Hakkon wanted to touch him.
He let his hands caress Samandriel as they moved over his skin, enjoying touching him as well as getting him used to being touched. The angel didn’t need to get uncomfortable, try to send him away and knock himself out as he had the last time they spent time together.
“Careful,” he whispered, not that Hakkon really needed the reminder. “You have such nice hands. I want to know them better.”
“You can have as much time with them as you like.” He assured Samandriel, turning his head a little so he could kiss at his jaw as his hands moved. “They like you. They like how soft and warm you feel.”
“You don’t seem like the type to be so desirous of soft things,” he teased. He tipped his head more, letting him have his neck as he worked up the courage to start tugging a little at Hakkon’s shirt.
“Hmm, it is true that I will not be wielding you in battle any time soon.” He teased back as he kissed at his jaw until he reached his throat. “But there is something perfect about having a lover with soft, supple skin. I will warn you though, if you will my shirt away, I will not be nearly as soft as you are.”
“Is that what I am now? Your lover?” He moaned softly. Gently, he got rid of Hakkon’s shirt too.
“You can be, if you would like to be. I certainly wouldn’t complain.” He didn’t want to push him though. The whole of the muscles in his chest and stomach flexed and tightened at once, like they had a mind of their own and were aware that they were being observed.
“I might,” he said. He turned his head to kiss the other man and slid off of him to lay on his side, trying to make them a little more equal.
Hakkon pushed himself to lay on his side, mirroring Samandriel and taking the opportunity to kiss him again. Of course, this time it went deeper, showing the angel how much he desired him without trapping him or demanding more from him than he was willing to give.
This was good. Dangerous a little, but...but it was worth the danger. He liked it, a little. Thrilling and peaceful both at once. He stole another kiss and settled into enjoying the night with the god.