becca carr (cookielover) wrote in onceuponadream, @ 2011-08-31 23:13:00 |
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As ridiculous as it sounded, Becca had always thought that she would feel different when she finally turned eighteen. That most definitely wasn't the case, though. In fact, nothing had changed. She was legally an adult, but she felt and looked the same way she'd felt and looked the day before… and the day before that... and the day before that... "I'll be right back..." She flashed her companion a bright smile as she spoke, and a moment later, she was headed toward the exit. It took her a while to make her way through the room, but a little while later, she was nearing the patio door. It was far from cool outside, but she'd desperately needed a moment alone. She was enjoying her party, of course, she just had a lot on her mind. Sighing with relief, she stepped into the night air and closed her eyes. This was it. This was her last night in Atlanta. She'd put it off for as long as she could… longer than she should have, actually. She couldn't make anymore excuses. It was time for her to take the next big step... New York City. Clay couldn't explain it, but he'd spent the last several months fighting his feelings for Becca. He blamed the age thing, but the truth might have been that he was just scared. After all, even though he and his ex had managed to remain friendly, it hadn't been easy to lose her and a part of him, whether consciously or not, was afraid to jump into anything with Becca. It had been some time ago that she'd announced she would be going to college in New York City, but Becca's departure from Atlanta was one of those things it was easy to not accept as real until it was right on top of him. Even now, he didn't want to accept the fact that she was leaving. He was going to miss her more than he could bring himself to admit. He was trying to focus on happier thoughts at the moment, though. It was her birthday. He should probably try not to brood at her party, right? He'd seen her earlier in the evening, but that didn't stop him from approaching her when she stepped onto the patio. His arms slipped around her from behind and he smiled as he murmured a "happy birthday" against her ear. "Did you get everything you wanted?" he asked her, trying to keep his voice light and teasing rather than letting her see how much her imminent departure was tearing him up. Becca had stepped out onto the patio with the intention of stealing a few minutes alone. She wasn't remotely upset when Clay interrupted that solitude, though. She enjoyed spending time with him, after all, and this was pretty much their last chance to do that. "Mmm… thank you," she answered softly. She had jumped slightly when his arms had originally slipped around her waist, but she relaxed now that she knew who had snuck up on her. "Yeah," she answered with a slight nod of her head. "I think so…" Not knowing what to say, she spent a few moments in silence. "Are you having a good time?" she finally questioned. Clay nodded his head and his hold on her tightened just a little. He hadn't put it into words, but he didn't want her to go and knowing that her departure was imminent made him want to cling to her just a little bit. "It's a good party," he answered her, not quite addressing her question, but it was close enough, he decided. It was a little bittersweet, celebrating her birthday with her when he knew she'd be leaving so soon. As much as he was trying to push his feelings aside, he was going to miss her horribly. "What time is your flight tomorrow?" he found himself asking, despite his vow not to brood or to ruin the night for her by bringing up their inevitable goodbye. His voice was husky with emotion, much more so than he would have cared for. As much as he was trying to be happy for her, though, he was failing. He'd put on a good show of it for the past few months or so, but right now a large part of him wanted to just stomp his foot like a child and demand she stay here with him. Not noticing that he had dodged her question, she responded almost immediately. "I'm glad you're having a good time," she said. When his arms tightened around her frame, she leaned further into the embrace. Her hands moved idly over his arms, caressing his skin, and she leaned her head back so that it was resting lightly on his shoulder. As they were often affectionate with one another, she thought nothing of the way he was doting on her. A part of her wished there was something more than friendship in what they were doing, but she knew that he didn't want that. As much as she hated to admit it, she'd originally hoped that he would beg her to stay. He hadn't, though. In fact, during the last several months, he had never even acted upset by inevitable departure. "Early," she murmured in answer to his question, her own voice husky with emotion. "Too early. Eightish." She tried her best to hide it, but she was upset… very upset. This was what she'd wanted, but she wasn't looking forward to leaving. Knowing that she would enjoy herself once she got to her destination didn't make it any easier to leave her family and friends. There was so much more than friendship in Clay's embrace, whether it was something he'd been willing to own up to or not. He'd been afraid to act on his feelings, but that didn't mean that he didn't want her very, very much. If anything, it was getting more difficult the longer he tried to push those feelings away. Clay dipped his head and pressed a light kiss to her shoulder. It felt natural to be close to her like this. He always felt guilty for it later, but in the moment it always felt so right. "I can't believe you're really leaving," he murmured without thinking about what he was saying. "I wish you didn't have to." Clay had drank one or two beers, but he wasn't remotely drunk. Later, it was possible he'd want to blame the alcohol for actually voicing his thoughts out loud, but he was perfectly sober. He just wasn't thinking about what he was saying or doing. Her eyes closed when his lips brushed lightly over her shoulder. That felt absolutely amazing, and her body instantly responded to his touch. Luckily, she was getting better at hiding those reactions… or she was able to hide it because she wasn't facing him. "Me, either," she answered softly, "but I've put it off for as long as I can." The corner of her mouth pulled up into a slight smile when he admitted that he wished she didn't have to go. She felt similarly, of course, but staying was not an option. The arrangements had been made. She had to move to New York City despite the preemptive homesickness she was feeling. "Don't worry. I'll visit as often as I can.” Clay nodded his head, but he knew it wouldn't be the same. Visits wouldn't be the same as being able to see each other on a random whim. His arms tightened around her as he thought about how much he was going to miss her, as if he could just keep her here with him if he hung on tightly enough. "I'm going to miss you so much, Becca," he admitted, nuzzling his face against her neck a little. As usual, he wasn't thinking about the consequences of being so affectionate with her now that he had her in his arms. He was probably going to beat himself up over it a little later on, but right now it felt too good to hold her for him to even consider letting go anytime soon. It wouldn’t be the same. As much as she wanted to tell herself that the occasional visit would be enough, Becca knew that wasn’t true. She was used to seeing him whenever she wanted... she was used to spending time with him several times a week. There was no way they were going to be able to do that once she was living in New York, and a large part of her hated that she’d chosen to go to college so far away from home. ”I’m going to miss you, too,” she answered without hesitation. “So much.” A shiver ran down her spine as he nuzzled against her neck. She tried to hide it, but she failed miserably. She could only hope that he wouldn’t notice. After all, she didn’t want him to do something he was going to regret. After all, she hated knowing that he regretted the things they did when they were caught up in the moment. Clay wasn't sure what happened, but a heartbeat after she admitted that she would miss him, too, he was turning her in his arms and pressing his lips to hers. He wasn't sure quite what possessed him in that moment. She was leaving tomorrow. The last thing she needed was this. He couldn't seem to help himself, though. Clay's hand lifted her chin as his lips met hers. A moment later he was brushing his hand over her cheek and slipping his fingers into her hair as he pulled her closer. His free hand snaked around her waist and pressed lightly at the small of her back as he deepened the embrace slightly. It was as though he was trying to show her just how much he would miss her, just how much she meant to him. He was probably going to kick himself later for being such an idiot - She was leaving him, she was seeing someone else - but at the moment, the reasons he shouldn't be doing this were the furthest thing from his mind. In all honesty, Becca was mildly surprised when Clay turned her in his arms and urged her into a kiss. After all, she'd been trying to behave.. to hide how strongly she reacted to even his lightest touch. She must have been wrong in thinking that she was succeeding. Deep down, she knew that she shouldn't return the kiss he urged her into. She was incapable of pulling away from him, though. Her arms wound around his shoulders as he urged her closer, and she melted into the embrace. "Mmm," she murmured unintentionally as she pulled at each of his lips. He was definitely going to kick himself for this later.. he always did. If she'd thought about that, she would've found the willpower to break the embrace they were caught up in. As luck would have it, though, that was easily the furthest thing from her mind. She was focused solely on the way it felt to have his lips pressed to hers. Clay's lips moved tenderly over hers for a few moments and for those few moments it was easy to forget all of his troubles. For a few moments, it was just him and Becca. Nothing else mattered. He rested his forehead against hers when he finally pulled away. He took a brief moment to catch his breath as he just stood there and held her for a little while. "I've been wanting to do that all night," he admitted. His arms remained wrapped securely around her, holding her close to him. As cliché as it sounded, the world seemed to fade away as their lips moved together. When he finally pulled out of the embrace and rested their foreheads together, she was no longer focused on the heavy feeling of dread that had been sitting in the pit of her stomach for the last week. As far as she was concerned, he was the only thing that mattered. "Well, I'm glad you finally gave in to that desire," she murmured softly. She was always amazed by how perfectly they fit together. She wished it was something he would allow her to experience it a little more often. Following his well set example, she kept her arms wrapped tightly around his frame. She liked being close to him, after all, and this was pretty much her last chance to do that. "Do you want to get out of here?" It was likely the most selfish and insensitive thing ever, but Clay wasn't thinking about the fact that this party was for her. He was only thinking of how much he was going to miss her and how much he really wanted to spend the little bit of time they had left together, just like this. Rather than waiting for an answer, he brushed another soft kiss over her lips and his arms tightened around her a little more. At the moment, he couldn't remember why he'd spent the last several months fighting this. It always felt so right to hold her. All he could think about right now was that he never wanted to let her go. Deep down, Becca knew that it was incredibly rude to ditch out on your own birthday party, but she found herself nodding in answer to his question. After all, she only had a few hours before she would need to leave for the airport, and she desperately wanted to spend that time with him. Her arms tightened around him a little more when he brushed another kiss over her lips, and she melted into his embrace. There was a chance that he was going to regret this later, but she selfishly chose not to focus on that. This was her last night in Atlanta. She wanted to spend it in his bed even if it meant that he would hate himself in the morning. "Yeah," she murmured after a moment. "Let's get out of here." Clay couldn't help grinning when she agreed to getting out of there. He knew it was horribly rude, but at the moment he didn't care. All he cared about was getting her to himself for the next few hours. They didn't have much time and he didn't want to waste what little time they had left having to share her with others. He took a moment to kiss her again, but once he'd pulled out of the embrace, he took her hand in his and started to lead her back inside so they could make their escape. Unfortunately, they couldn't really leave from the patio without cutting through the party, first, but somehow they managed to make it outside again relatively quickly. Moments later, they were settled in Clay's car and he was driving in the direction of his apartment. The drive provided plenty of time to cool off, but for once, that wasn't enough to bring Clay to his senses. The moment they'd stepped into his bedroom, he closed and locked the door and pulled her back into his arms. Clay pulled her as close as he possibly could as he pressed a deep, wanting kiss to her lips. If he regretted this come morning, this time it would merely be because she was leaving him, because there was a large part of him that wanted so much more from her and he knew that was impossible. He just wasn't thinking about that now. He was only thinking about how much he wanted her. As far as Becca was concerned, it took entirely too long for them make their escape, but in reality, they managed to make it through the sea of well-wishers in record time. She breathed a sigh of relief once they were in his car. Save for that quiet exclamation, though, she remained silent. She didn't want him to come to his senses, after all. Once they were in his room, she flashed him a bright smile. That smile faded, though, when he pulled her into his arms and urged her into a deep kiss. "Mmmm…" Her arms wrapped tightly around his frame as she returned his kiss, and she tangled a set of her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. This was exactly what she'd wanted when she'd agreed to leave her birthday party, and she was glad to see that she wasn't going to be disappointed. Clay hummed happily as they melted together just as they'd done in the past. His lips moved tenderly over hers and an instant later he was deepening the embrace. He pulled her against him, bringing their bodies as close together as possible as his tongue brushed against her lips. His hands began, moments later, to wander over her curves. Guh, she felt amazing. Each time they came together like this, Clay couldn't seem to remember just why it wasn't a good idea. They fit together so perfectly. He couldn't imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else. "I love you," he murmured another moment later as his lips drifted from hers to trail kisses over her jaw and neck. Her skin tasted so good and he was so focused on nipped and pulling at the spots he knew she loved to be kissed in that he was barely aware of what he'd just said. The words were sincere, but he wasn't quite conscious of having said them out loud. Becca moaned softly when Clay brought their bodies closer together. Her arms wrapped tightly around his frame, and her lips parted when his tongue brushed against them. They had always fit together like two pieces from the same puzzle, and as far as she could tell, that had not changed in the slightest. "Mmm.. guh.. oh my gosh.." She arched her back when his hands began to move over her curves. That felt… indescribable. She tried to return the favor, but it was difficult to focus on moving her hands over his chest when he was kissing and touching her so expertly. "Guh.. mmm.." As horrible as it sounded, his words went largely unnoticed. She murmured something of an agreement, but it was obvious that she was much more concerned with pulling his shirt from his frame. Clay groaned something of a protest when their mouths were torn apart as she removed his shirt. A moment later, he was returning the favor, working to relieve her of her clothing. "Guh, Becca," he groaned as he crushed his mouth to hers once more. It seemed like only moments later when they were on his bed, Clay holding himself over Becca. He pulled her into another deep, wanting kiss and a heartbeat later he was pushing into her with a loud groan. "Guh.. fuck, baby.. love you so much, so gooood," he babbled without really paying attention to what he was saying. That didn't make his words any less sincere, but at the moment he was focused on how incredibly good she felt. It didn't take very long for the eager couple to discard their clothing, and a moment later, they moved onto the bed. Her fingertips pulled over his shoulders as they kissed, and she arched her back in an effort to bring their bodies as close together as possible. It should've been obvious that she wanted him. Then again, though, that wasn't anything new. When Clay finally entered her, Becca gasped and moaned against his lips. That felt... she'd almost forgotten how good it felt to have him inside of her. "Ohmygosh," she answered his banker with one of her own. "Ohmygosh, Clay. Guh. Feels so good. Love you so much. Don't stop. Guh, baby. Don't stop." Like him, she wasn't focused on what she was saying. She was too caught up in the moment for that. Clay heard what she was saying, but in the moment nothing felt unusual about the words they were exchanging. It felt right. It felt perfect. This always felt amazing between them, but tonight it felt even better than usual. It didn't take long for him to bring them both to a release and moments later, he was collapsed beside her, his breathing still heavy and his body covered in a thin layer of sweat as he pulled her into his arms. His fingers threaded through her hair and he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead as he held her close. "Stay," he murmured against her skin. "Don't go. Please. Just.. stay here with me." If he'd been thinking about what he was saying, he probably wouldn't have said it. Logically, he knew it wasn't possible. It was too late for her to enroll at any school here. He knew it was too late. At the moment, though, he didn't care about logic. He just didn't want her to go. Becca was breathing heavily when Clay finally collapsed at her side. Their sweat covered bodies stuck together when he pulled her into his arms, but she didn't resist in the slightest. If anything, she melted into the embrace as as he tangled his fingers in her hair and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Mmmmm… that was the plan," she answered lazily. "I certainly wasn't planning on going home." Maybe she should have realized that he wasn't merely asking her to spend the night with him. At the moment, though, she wasn't thinking clearly. She was focused only on how good it felt to be in his arms and how she wanted to stay right where she was for as long as possible. Needless to say, that wasn't what Clay had meant. He certainly didn't want her to go home, but that wasn't what he'd been referring to. A part of him wondered if he shouldn't let her assume that's what he'd meant, though. Begging her not to go to New York was incredibly selfish and he knew it. He knew the right thing to do was to simply let her go, let he be happy. He didn't want to, though. He'd been an idiot for the past several months, but he wanted her. "No.. I mean.. stay here. In Atlanta. Don't go to New York. Don't leave me.." It sounded so pathetic, even to his own ears, but he couldn't help it. He wasn't sure why he was acting like this when he'd been so determined step aside and let her be happy before, but he was suddenly desperate to convince her to stay. She allowed her lips to brush tenderly over his jaw as they laid there together. Regardless of how it might seem, though, she wasn't pushing for more. She was perfectly content with simply being in his arms. Her hold on his tightened as he began to explain himself, and she realized, with a smile, that they were so thoroughly wrapped up in one another that she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. "Mmm," she hummed contentedly. Though she was obviously distracted by having him so close, she pulled back when he clarified his request. A brief expression of pure elation moved over her features, but it faded a split second later. Now? He'd waited until now to ask her to stay? "I... you know I.. why now?" she questioned bluntly. "I've... I've been waiting for you to ask me to stay... to say something... anything... and you wait until now... until I no longer have a choice? That's... I can't even... I've been your dirty little secret for months... for nearly a year... and that magically changes the second I turn eighteen? Are you kidding me, Clay?" Becca knew that she should probably force herself to shut up, but there was no hope of her successfully schooling her reaction. Clay began mentally kicking himself the second she started to question him. What the hell had he been thinking? Obviously, he was an idiot. He shouldn't have said anything. He should have... just let her go. No matter how much he didn't want to at the moment. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have..." He wasn't sure what he shouldn't have done. A lot of things, probably. He was pretty sure he'd screwed everything up, but he didn't know how to fix it. Obviously, begging her to stay had been the wrong thing to do. He just... didn't know what to say now. Or what to do. "I'm sorry," he said again. He knew it was lame to keep saying that, but he literally had no idea what else he was supposed to say or do right now. Becca shook her head when he began to apologize. That wasn't the reaction she'd been looking for. In all honesty, she wasn't sure what she'd been looking for. "I.. no.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like... I just..." She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. This made absolutely no sense. She couldn't understand why he had suddenly changed his mind about her. Did her age really matter that much? It was just a number. She was exactly the same person she had been a day ago... two days ago... a year ago when they'd first fallen into bed together. "I wish I could stay, Clay. I really, really do. I wish you had asked me to stay months ago when that was actually an option. I can't, though. I have... college... I have to go to New York. My tuition has been paid... staying isn't... I can't. I'm sorry." A frown had moved over her features as she spoke, but she forced a bright smile. "I'll visit, though. I'll come home as often as possible... and you can visit. I can show you around and take you to the best bakeries and make you eat cookies until you puke." Maybe she was naive to think that would satisfy him, but it was the best she could do. If Clay was honest with himself, it wasn't just the age thing that had kept him pushing Becca away over the past several months. The fact that she, until tonight, hadn't even been 18 yet may have been a factor, but for the most part, it was an excuse. It hadn't been that long since he and Lilly had ended things again, not when he and Becca had first become more than just friends. Clay was still hurting over that and he'd been afraid of getting hurt again. The fact that Becca was younger just provided him with a convenient excuse. That was also why he'd been telling himself he couldn't influence her decision about where to go to college. He told himself he didn't have a right to pressure her to stay. He still believed that, but in one moment of weakness, he'd allowed his own selfish desires to win out over what he knew was right. "I know.. I shouldn't have asked. I know you can't." He shook his head, trying to dismiss her apologies and babbling. He definitely hadn't been trying to make her feel bad and as far as he was concerned she didn't have anything to apologize for. "I know.. I will. I'll visit as soon as I can. I'm just going to miss you so much," he mumbled as he brushed his lips lightly over hers. Whatever his reasoning, Becca had spent the last several months waiting for him to ask her to stay... waiting for him to say anything. He hadn't asked her to stay, though. In fact, he'd encouraged her to go when she'd expressed doubt in her decision to move away from home. At the time, she'd told herself that he couldn't possibly care for her the way that she cared for him. After all, if he did, he would've been on his knees the second she'd suggested that moving to the other side of the country was a option. "I'm going to miss you, too..." she answered without hesitation. "So very much..." Her eyes closed when his lips brushed lightly over hers, and she wrapped her arms tightly around his frame as she readily returned the kiss. It was their last night together. She didn't want to spend it focused on the things they couldn't change. |