melia ridley (indiankiss) wrote in onceuponadream, @ 2011-02-07 20:06:00 |
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Alcohol in Shane Sawyer's blood stream equaled stupid. There wasn't any way around that. And he'd been drinking far too much tonight. He’d been thinking about her since he saw her update. Shane wanted to call her, talk to her. Instead he just sat there, staring at the computer screen. He grabbed the bottle that was on the computer desk next to him and brought it to his lips. He tipped the bottle back and let the rich, amber colored liquid slide down his throat. He no longer felt the burn of the burn of the alcohol. This was just sweet, spicy ambrose consoling his shattered heart. Shane sat there, staring at her update for what seemed like an eternity. After hours of internal debate and whiskey, his brain lost out. It was no surprise that eventually he would follow his heart. The foggier the alcohol made his brain, the more he seemed to forget why he shouldn’t contact her. Shane picked up his cell phone and opened it to a blank text message. Although Melia wasn't in his phone any longer he still knew her number by heart. He typed it into the first field and moved down to the body of the text message. Sorry 2 hear about ur dad. I really am. Anything I can do? He'd made several mistakes and had to backup several times before everything was spelled correctly. When he was satisfied he hit the send button. His heart was beating a million beats a second. Shane was sure it was going to beat so hard it was going to jump out of his chest. Even for the popular, rich, very attractive and confident guy he was, part of him worried that she wouldn't respond. That she wouldn't want to hear from him. Not after how he treated her, after all the horrible things he said that day. It was an understatement to say that Melia was surprised when she saw that she had a text message from Shane Sawyer. It had been months since they’d spoken, after all, and she honestly didn’t think he was ever going to talk to her again. Not that she could blame him. She’d cheated on him. She’d fallen for another man. He had a very valid reason to hate her even if she selfishly wished he didn’t. She stared at the screen for several long moments before finally pressing the button that would allow her to respond. Not knowing what else to say, she sent something similar to the generic response she’d murmured repeatedly during her father’s funeral. Thanks. I dont think theres anything anyone can do. How are you? A movie was playing on her television, but she wasn’t watching it. Instead, she leaned into her pillows and waited to see if he was going to send another message. It wouldn’t surprise her if he didn’t. It felt like forever before his phone was vibrating against the dark mahogany wood. It was just a number on his screen, above an envelope to signal that he had a new text message. He opened it to read her reply. Before responding, Shane went into the options and saved her number so that Melia's number was stored in his phone once again. He reopened the message, smiling as her name appeared at the top of his screen. It was a small comfort, but he was happy to see it again. Whether he would be tomorrow, once the alcohol worked its way out of his system and a hang over replaced the fuzzy affects was another story. Shane hit reply and began to type. Honestly? Horrible. Think about U every day. Wanted to talk 2 U. It took forever to type that, he concentrated intensely on the keyboard in order to type it without errors. He shook his head and hit the end button, deleting his reply. He reopened her text message and typed a short reply. Fine. U? Shane pressed send again with his left hand and grabbing the bottle of Southern Comfort with his right. He slumped back against the computer chair he was sitting in. Settling into the soft leather until he was comfortable. He brought the bottle up to his lips and tipped it back again. The label of the bottle brought a smile to his face. How appropriate. He held the bottle in his hands. The dim glow of the desk lamp illuminating the dark amber bottle. It made him think of her. Her dark hair, her southern accent, that bright smile of hers. A part of her hated that he had waited until now to contact her, but the other part was just glad he was talking to her. Melia jumped slightly when her phone vibrated in her hand. How are you? She had spent the last week lying to nearly everyone that had asked that question. She would’ve felt guilty for it, but she had felt like they expected her to lie. After all, it was a stupid question. She’d told herself that they were just trying to be nice, but that hadn’t made it any less annoying. Her dad had just died. She felt horrible. How did they think she was feeling? Were they asking that question so that they could feel better when she lied and said she was doing alright? Rather than lying, she answered with the truth. Horrible. Really horrible. His phone went off again. It pained him to hear her say that. Though, he hadn't expected anything better than that. He knew how hurt, how sad and how angry he was when his own father passed away years ago. It was a horrible feeling that no one should ever have to know and he wished Melia didn't have to go through this. Come over? Please? He typed and sent that response without thinking about it, without realizing what he'd just asked. The drunken stupor made it seem alright to want this, to want to see her, to be near her again. Even if it was just tonight. That was if she was even willing to see him after the nasty things he said to her the last time he saw her. She was still holding her phone when she got his next message, but this time, she didn’t jump. The surprise she’d felt when she’d gotten his first message was nothing compared to how she felt when she read this one. He wanted her to come over? That didn’t make any sense to her. Wasn’t he still mad at her? Didn’t he hate her? Deciding that he was probably just trying to be nice, she shook her head. It was easy to assume that he didn’t expect her to agree... that he didn’t really want her to come over... that he was only inviting her because it was the right thing to do. At the same time, though, she couldn’t help but hope that wasn’t true. Really? she responded rather quickly. Shane didn't have a chance to set his phone down before it was going off again. That was either a very good or very bad sign. When he read it, he decided that it wasn't bad. Yes really. I miss you. Shane hesitated, his thumb hovering over the send button. He deleted his last three words but he didn't send it. Instead, he typed I miss you… again. He pressed send right after, before he could change his mind. He threw his phone down on the desk and pushed himself out of the chair. Shane snatched the bottle, killing the remainder of the contents on the way to his kitchen. Melia bit her bottom lip when she read his response. It sounded stupid, but hearing that he missed her brought tears to her eyes. I miss you too, she typed without thinking. Before she sent it, though, she added, IDK, Shane. Are you sure? I know you hate me. I don't want you to.. you don't have to feel sorry for me. She sent the message quickly so that she wouldn’t have a chance to second guess herself. There was nothing wrong with admitting that she missed him. At least, that’s what she told herself when she realized what she’d sent. Feeling that way didn’t mean she wasn’t happy with Ollie. It just meant that she missed Shane. Why wouldn’t she miss him? He’d been a part of her life for nearly two years. It would be weird if she didn’t miss him. As he pulled open the refrigerator he heard the vibration of his phone against the desk. A text message. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out the contents of that particular message though. Not yet. He opened the can of beer and started drinking the contents and pushing the refrigerator door closed. Had he just made a mistake? Shane couldn't help but follow that train of thought. His free hand ran through his hair, minimally taming the wild, messy blonde hair. It seemed absurd. Why the hell was he torturing himself? She was where she wanted to be, with who she wanted to be with. It was quite obvious to him he didn't matter. The reminder vibration of his forgotten text message pulled him from his thoughts. Shane fell back into the computer chair, setting his beer on the table. He picked up the phone and opened the text message to read her reply. Hearing, well reading that she missed him brought a smile to his face. Something he hadn't done much of in weeks. I’m sure. I miss you Melia. And I don’t feel sorry for you. I wanna see you... Shane typed it out and hit send. He’d already asked her over. She didn’t immediately say no. Part of him was really unsure about all of this. But the larger part, the part that won, just didn’t care if this was wrong or not. Melia chewed her bottom lip as she waited for her phone to vibrate in the palm of her hand. When it did, she quickly pressed the appropriate button and read the message she'd received. To be perfectly honest, she wasn't sure if she felt up to going anywhere, but she didn't want to miss the opportunity to patch things up with Shane. After all, she'd already had one brush with death. She didn't want something horrible to happen before they could make up. After considering for a moment, she took a deep breath and typed her response. Alright. I'm on my way. If she'd known he was drunk, she might have reconsidered, but she blissfully unaware of that fact as she began to dress. --- Sometime later, she was standing just outside of his apartment. The last time she'd stood in this spot, she'd felt like she was going to throw up. It seemed that very little had changed during the last couple of months. With a heavy sigh, she lifted her hand and knocked. He wanted to see her, needed to see her. Shane knew she was not okay. No one would be. He remembered how he felt when his dad died. How everyone asked if he was okay. And how they always said it would get better with time. He hated that line. Shane hadn’t thought his request to see her all the way through. Sure, he wanted to see her and talk to her. But on the flip side, this could make how he’s been feeling much worse. Shane finished the bottle of alcohol and made his way to the kitchen to get rid of it. A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. It was her. He stumbled over towards the door and opened it. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips as he opened to door to reveal Melia. “Hey,” he greeted her, stepping back to let her inside. Shane realized that he missed her more than he thought. Melia didn't realize it, but she looked like hell. Her hair was mussed. There were dark circles under her eyes. She'd taken the time to change out of her pajamas, but the clothes she'd changed into were wrinkled from laying on her bedroom floor. "Hey," she greeted. The corners of her mouth pulled into a smile as she spoke, but it was obviously forced. She didn't exactly feel like smiling. Of course, she didn't feel like doing anything at all. When he stood back, she stepped into the apartment and looked around. Everything was exactly the way she remembered it, and she took comfort in that fact. "How are you?" she questioned when she finally turned to look at him. She might of thought she looked like hell, but he thought she looked just as gorgeous as he remembered. Shane could see the sadness in her eyes and he just wanted to pull her into a hug. He almost did it too, except he wasn't sure if she'd want him to. She'd barely crossed the threshold into his apartment after all. And its not like they left things on great terms last time. It was probably a good thing anyway. Drunk, with her in his arms, her familiar smell…he'd be incredibly tempted to kiss her. And he couldn't. Shane shook his head. "I want to know how you are," he told her, leading her over to the couch. She could probably smell the alcohol on him. Being drunk however didn't change the fact that he wanted her to talk to him. To really tell him how she was. "Not that I don't know," he slurred. She had told him horrible, really horrible. He remembered being asked this question a thousand times. And you never gave the real answer. No one really wanted to know the true answer. But Shane, he wanted to know everything. He still loved her after all. Melia didn't know what she wanted. A large part of her wanted him to wrap her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright. The part of her that remembered the things he'd said the last time they'd spoken knew that wasn't such a good idea, though. Her head shook when he refused to answer her question and requested that she tell him how she was doing instead. Hadn't they already had that discussion? She'd told him that she was horrible. Did he really need her to say it a second time? When he elaborated to say that he already knew, she tried to force a smile. She'd known that he would understand. He'd lost his own father, after all. If anyone could understand how she was feeling, it would be him. "You've been drinking," she observed as he lead her over to the sofa. Once they were seated, she looked him over. It hadn't been obvious before, but she could now see that he was quite intoxicated. That was probably why he'd invited her over. "I'm... things are... the way that they are," she answered vaguely. “It’s still hard to believe that he’s gone... "A little," Shane answered with shrug of his shoulders, a lazy drunk smile on his lips. Seated on the couch, he couldn't help but remember the nights…the times they spent here. At his place, on this couch. There were always reminders. He brought his eyes up to hers and listened as she spoke. Shane nodded in understanding. He knew all too well the kinds of things she must be feeling. It was really what sparked him to contact her. While the others were nice…and great….most people just didn't understand. And after awhile that got really annoying. At least it had for Shane. He had wanted…he thought Melia deserved to have someone know and understand what she was going through, to be there for her. "I know," he murmured, pulling her close on reflex. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders protectively. It was an instinct. If he'd had a moment to think, well he might have reconsidered. A jumble of thoughts rolled through her head. She remembered the last time they'd sat on the sofa together… the things he'd said… the way he'd touched her… the way Ollie had touched her before Zak had called… the way her father had looked lying in the hospital bed… the way he'd looked at the viewing… the last thing he'd ever said to her… "I keep waiting to wake up," she murmured weakly. "It feels like… a nightmare…" Very few people truly understood how she was feeling in this moment. Everyone said they did, of course, but she was convinced that they couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through… not unless they'd lost a loved one. Melia didn't protest when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Instead, she leaned into his side. Her eyes burned as though they were going to fill with tears, but they didn't. After crying so much, she wasn't sure if she was still capable of it. "Thanks for… not hating me," she told him after several moments had passed. Shane nodded. "It just doesn't seem real," he murmured, remembering what it was like during that time. He also remembered that that would last for awhile. That wouldn't get any easier. He knew that every time she received good news, she'd go to call her dad and realize…she couldn't. That was pretty bad. Because it was having to remember and feel it all over again. "You're welcome?" Shane said, with a little laugh. It sounded like such an odd thing for someone to thank someone for. It just sounded like a strange thing. "I don't hate you, Melia. I never did," he told her. It was true. He didn't hate her. He was angry and upset. He hated Ollie. But he didn't, he could't hate her. He still loved her. These circumstances sucked to see her again under. But then again, he might not have texted her or talked to her. He didn't know. Shane was happy to see her again. He'd missed her so much. He was glad to have this chance. Even if he was torturing himself for just one night. It didn't seem real. This whole... everything... it felt like she was trapped in some horrible nightmare... like she could wake up if she pinched herself really, really hard. Unfortunately, she didn't wake up when she pinched herself. Nothing was waking her up. She was stuck in this world... a world where her father had died and her brother was edging closer and closer to insanity. Melia looked up at him when he chuckled softly. She'd miss that... this... she'd missed him. Her eyes began to sting when he admitted that he'd never hated her. Once again, though, they didn't fill with tears. "I've missed you," she admitted. "I've wanted to call or come by or... I don't know. I was trying to do what you told me to do, but you're... it's hard to pretend you've never met someone when you keep thinking about how much you miss them." As she spoke, she knew this wasn't why he'd invited her over. She simply couldn't keep the words from tumbling out of her. He wanted to hate her. That would have been easier. That would have made it easier to not think about her, want her, want to call her. But no. He couldn’t. So he had to constantly remind himself not to call her or text her or go places he knew she went. But Ollie. He really did hate him. “You miss me?” he asked, confused. She had everything she wanted. So why the hell would she miss him? She had chose...and it wasn’t him. “I’ve missed you a lot,” Shane admitted softly. His brain was was far too foggy to realize that he probably shouldn’t be saying this. That this...how was this supposed to help him get over her? Especially when all he could really think about in his drunken haze is how much he wanted to kiss her. Luckily for her, that wasn’t something he was brave enough to just do in this moment. “I haven’t...it hasn’t been like you didn’t exist, Meelia. I was angry,” he slurred, hoping she could understand why he’d said that. Why he’d made that request. "Yes," she answered without hesitation. "I miss you all the time." It might not make a lot of sense, but Melia meant it when she said that she missed him. After all, she hadn't magically fallen out of love with him when he'd broken up with her. Not that Ollie didn't make her happy. He did. He made her unbelievably happy. Shane was just.. she wasn't sure that her feelings for him would ever really fade. Like him, she was confused when he admitted that he missed her. She knew it was silly, but he'd acted like it was so easy to forget her.. to move on. Who could blame her for thinking that, though? He'd gone out with that.. that Elle girl the same night he'd kicked her out of his apartment. "You.. you have?" she questioned when he admitted that he had missed her a lot. Her gaze dropped when he told her that he'd been angry with her. She knew that. She remembered very clearly how angry he'd been. "I'm sorry," she apologized automatically. "You have every right to be angry.. to hate me.. to worse than hate me." This was easily the last conversation that they should be having, but it was easier for her to focus on this than think about her father. Even though she confirmed it and said she missed him all the time...he was still surprised. She was with Ollie after all. She left Shane to be with him. How could he even think that she did miss him when she went right from him to Ollie? She was leaving him to go to Ollie’s. Whether or not that’s what she actually did, that was what was in Shane’s mind. So yes, he was definitely going out that night. He wasn’t going to be the one sitting home and moping or anything of that nature. “I have,” Shane said with a nod. He really did. When she started to apologize he started shaking his head. It was...she didn’t need to apologize. She’d done that enough that night. “I could never...I tried...but I couldn’t.” He was done trying to hate her and done being angry. He still didn’t like the way things were but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. Melia made her choice. It definitely wasn’t what they should have been talking about but he was too drunk to realize this at the moment. And too distracted by what they were talking about and Melia being next to him again. Regardless of how it might seem, Melia hadn't left Shane for Ollie. She hadn't needed to. He'd ended their relationship as soon as she'd told him about the kiss, and while that wasn't the reason she was with Ollie, it had made her decision exceptionally easy. Shane had thought that she was leaving him to go straight to Ollie, but that hadn't been the case. In the beginning, she'd intended to go home once they had finished talking. That had changed when he'd told her about the bet, though. She'd gone to Ollie to find out if it was true.. to find out if she'd stupidly fallen in love with the two men that had bet on her virginity as though it was nothing. Their relationship had just evolved from there. "I'm glad you can't," she answered very softly. "I don't want you to hate me. It's completely selfish, but I don't want that.. even if I do deserve it." Since his arm was still wrapped around her shoulders, she leaned into his side and sighed heavily. Life sucked. At least, that's what she was inclined to believe at the moment. Sure, she had some really great people in her life, but overall, things sucked. He ended the relationship because it was growing more and more obvious where she'd rather be. Random trips, vacations. All with someone she said she didn't have feelings for and that he didn't have them for her. Why prolong the inevitable? Shane knew she was going to make the choice. Hell, she cheated on him. "It would be easier if I could," he murmured. That's why he tried. If he could have hated her then he wouldn't be in love with her. At least that's how his theory went. But he couldn't. It just wasn't in him. "You don't, couldn't deserve it," he whispered. If anything Shane was sure he deserved something for the way he reacted and what he said. He was angry and upset and back to being an asshole. Hurting her felt good at the time. It felt good to have her against him, leaning into him. His arm around her. He could smell her shampoo, that familiar fragrance. "I kind of missed you, you know." While it had been obvious to nearly everyone else, Melia hadn't realized that she had feelings for Ollie. They'd spent a lot of time together, of course, but she'd been certain that they were just friends. At least, she'd been certain that they were just friends until she'd kissed him. Even then, though, she hadn't rushed to end her relationship. She'd hoped to take some time to think about the way she felt. Unfortunately, he hadn't given her that option when he'd found out that she'd cheated. "I'm sorry," she breathed. When he told her that she didn't and couldn't deserve his hate, she looked up at him. For a brief moment, she thought about how easy it would be to lean in and kiss him, but the notion was dismissed almost instantly. "I miss you, too," she answered. "So much." He might've deserved some sort of punishment for the way he'd intentionally hurt her, but she wasn't going to be the one to issue it. She still cared for him, after all, and she didn't want to hurt him any more than she already had. If it had been Shane and another girl acting the way they were, he'd bet that she'd have seen that. But Shane. Shane was just crazy. He didn't take away her options to take time. She still could have. She chose not to though. If she really had wanted time, she'd have taken time to figure out what and who she wanted to be with. And had it been Shane? Had she wanted to be with Shane, to stay with him….well, she would have tried to talk to him. After he calmed down. She came in and dropped this news on him. Something that had been a source of many arguments and a lot of aggravation. It had pissed him off, annoyed him. And she hadn't seemed very much like she wanted him. Like she wanted to be with him. To Shane it seemed like she was coming to break up with him and run off to Ollie for a happily ever after. "Me too," Shane murmured, a sullen edge to his voice. Shane wished he could go back. Back to whenever this bullshit started and change things. He missed Melia. He missed being with her, the way he felt, the way he was. She could rest assured that he was being punished constantly. If he saw them together, saw anything they wrote. "I've hated this," he mumbled. He was referring to them, to being apart. Shane has spent more time miserable than more people know. But that was something he wasn't going to show to anyone else. Despite how it might have seemed, Melia hadn't intended to break up with Shane. She'd told him about the kiss because she'd been racked with guilt… because she'd wanted to do the right thing. She hadn't been surprised when he'd ended their relationship, of course, but she hadn't meant for it to happen. Maybe she should've tried to talk to him. With the way he'd treated her, though, she'd thought that he didn't want to talk to her. In all honesty, she was amazed that he was talking to her now. "Me, too," she murmured. She didn't know the exact meaning behind his words, but she agreed without hesitation. She hated this… they way everything had turned out… the way she'd hurt him… the way she missed him… the way she'd ruined them. Unfortunately, she didn't know what she would change even if she could go back in time. "I'm sorry," she apologized for the millionth time. He could feel the alcohol waning a little and knew it was going to be a killer hangover tomorrow. Shane supposed he kind of asked for it, since he polished off an entire bottle over the course his night. He hadn't meant to finish it at the time, but he eventually stopped paying attention to how much he actually had to drink. Shane slumped down on the couch a little bit, keeping his arm around her. "Me too," he said. "I'm sorry too," Shane repeated. "I…I'm glad you came over," Shane admitted. It had been a long time since he saw her, talked to her…and it was nice though he'd wished that there had been better circumstances. He didn't really know what else to say. He knew words weren't going to make her situation okay. It wasn't going to change anything. There was nothing he could do to fix it for her. Following his lead, Melia slouched down on the sofa. They hadn't spoken in months, but it was unbelievably comforting to have his arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Me, too," she answered. "I'm glad you asked me to." Now that they weren't discussing their relationship, it was easy for her to dwell on the loss of her father. That was why he'd invited her over, after all. She didn't want to think about that, though. "Hey, Shane.. do you want to um.. watch some television or something?" She knew that she should probably get home, but she didn't want to leave. He was finally talking to her, and she was afraid that would change once he sobered up. If that was the case, she wanted to take advantage while she could. He'd wanted to talk to her. He didn't know why things had suddenly changed. Oh yeah. Alcohol. He'd finally talked to her because he'd been too drunk to talk himself out of it. Though, right now, he was glad he'd done it. That something pushed him to it. He hoped hours of sleep wouldn't replace that feeling. "It's nice," he muttered lamely. He didn't mean the circumstances but he was sure she knew that. Seeing her again, that was nice. "That sounds like a good idea," Shane agreed with a smile, reaching for the remote. He turned it on and sorted through until he found a comedy one. It didn't matter to him what he was watching, he was just enjoying the company. |