fixu (fixu) wrote in onceuponadream, @ 2011-01-16 12:27:00 |
|
|||
It was an understatement to say that Abby had been annoyed by the way Jase had behaved while Joe was in town. He hadn’t been rude... not exactly. At the same time, though, he hadn’t been friendly, either. She wouldn’t be quite so annoyed if he would explain his behavior, but he wouldn’t. “Are you jealous?” she questioned loudly. “Is that what’s wrong with you?” Becky had been the one to suggest that Jase might be jealous. Abby was certain that wasn’t the case, but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask. If nothing else, she would have a valid argument the next time Becky was trying to insist that was the problem. Jase had been through a similar conversation with Jeremy ages ago when they’d been in New York, but he’d completely dismissed it. Of course he wasn’t jealous. Why on earth would he be jealous. Except he was. He’d been so annoyed when Joe had showed up on Abby’s birthday that he’d feigned a headache and gone to bed. Or gone to sulk in the dark until he fell asleep as the case might have been. It drove him nuts, watching that... tool with his kids, with his Abby. He wasn’t sure when she’d become his in his mind, but she was. Nevertheless, his immediate reaction when she questioned him was to deny it. “No!” he retorted a little too quickly. It was followed by an awkward pause and a “well, okay, maybe,” which still wasn’t the whole truth. He was jealous as hell and he knew it. Even if he kept telling himself he had no right or reason to be. Feelings of disappointment and triumph washed through her when he vehemently denied being jealous. She chose to focus on the triumph, though, and rolled her eyes. Of course he wasn't jealous. Why in the hell would he be jealous? They were just.. well, they didn't have a title.. they were.. friends with the benefit of children.. or something. She couldn't wait to tell Becky that she'd been wrong. A look that can only be described as what the fuck, moved over her features when he changed his answer. "Maybe? You're maybe jealous? What the fuck does that even mean? You're jealous or you aren't… there's no maybe." Abby didn't understand. She didn't care that he technically had no right or reason to be jealous. She just wanted to understand what the hell was going on. ”Okay, fine. I’m jealous. Are you happy now?” Jase grumbled. He hated having to admit it, but it wasn’t like he was going to lie to her, even if a part of him wanted to. This was stupid. He didn’t have a right to be jealous. He shouldn’t be.. They weren’t. That Joe guy would be so much better for her, anyway. Maybe that was why his existence bugged him so much. He was sure that guy could really make her happy. That didn’t meant he wanted to admit to any of it, though, and and part of him resented having to. Why couldn’t she have just left it alone? Why did she have to question him. This was fucked. This whole thing was fucked. Why did that tool have to come here, anyway? He should have just stayed in New York. Then maybe they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Shocked, Abby floundered like a fish when he admitted that he was jealous. It was rare for her to be speechless, but that's exactly what she was as she gestured uselessly and shook her head. Why would he be jealous? Didn't he… he was her everything? They weren't… together, for lack of a better word, but he was... "What? Why?" she finally sputtered. "Why would you be… huh?" That was easily the stupidest thing she could've said, but she didn't think anyone could blame her for having that reaction. Jase Forrester was jealous over her. That… made no sense. At least, it didn't make sense to her. Jase didn’t know what was so shocking, aside from the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be allowed to be jealous. Abby wasn’t his no matter how much he would like to think of her as such. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he countered, obviously confused by her reaction. She had some hot Italian guy fawning all over her, some guy who could cook for her and probably do a million other things she’d want. Jase didn’t see a reason not to be jealous, even if he’d decided the guy was a tool. Really, he was only a tool because Abby seemed to like him. Abby had yet to focus on the fact that he had no right to be jealous over her. As strange as it sounded, that was easily the furthest thing from her mind. Instead, she was focused on the fact that Jase Forrester was jealous over her. "I don't know!" she answered with a slight flail. "You're… you're you! You could have… why would you be jealous over me?" It was almost funny how quickly his admission had redirected her focus. Moments before, she'd been annoyed by how he'd behaved when Joe was in town. The moment he’d admitted that he was jealous, though, that annoyance had been replaced with confusion. “I just... why?” ”I’m me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jase didn’t get it at all. If that was supposed to make any kind of sense, he had completely missed the memo. He was jealous because... he was jealous. Was he supposed to have some profound explanation for it? He didn’t. “Why not? I don’t freaking know, Abby. You asked me if I was jealous. Why? Why ask if you think I’m incapable of actually being jealous?” Jase was so confused right now. She’d brought this up. It would be great if she could stop being so confusing. "It means that... I don't know, Jase! You're this.. this living, breathing greek god... and me... I'm just... me!" In her defense, she wasn't trying to be confusing. She just didn't... if anyone had a right to be confused, it was her. He was jealous? How did that make any sense? He'd never been jealous before! "I asked because... I don't know... because I wanted to tell Becky that she was wrong. I didn't think you would... you have no... why are you jealous?" Abby knew that he wasn't going to have some profound explanation for how he was feeling, but she couldn't help it. She was so surprised by this... so shocked... she couldn't focus on anything else. Jase Forrester was jealous over her. ”I’m... what? Are you insane?” Jase had a fairly healthy ego, but he wasn’t a greek god. He was just an ordinary guy. He didn’t see why this was so.. shocking. “I don’t know! Why do I have to know why? Isn’t it bad enough that I am?” Jase groaned and dragged a frustrated hand through his hair. This whole thing was so stupid. Why were they talking about this again? Couldn’t they just pretend he wasn’t a jealous ass and move on? "I am not insane!" she answered without the slightest hesitation. "I can't help it that you won't quit pouting for two seconds and actually listen to what I'm saying!" Abby could only stare at him when he turned her questions around on her. She didn't know why she had to know. She just… had to know! After all, people didn't go around feeling jealous over other people without having a reason. "So it's… it's a bad thing that you're jealous?" she questioned loudly. "You don't want to be jealous over me?" As the words left her mouth, she knew they didn't make much sense. Who enjoyed feeling jealous? She just… she couldn't explain it. A part of her liked that he was jealous. If he thought it was a bad thing, though… well, he must not… whatever. ”I’m listening perfectly well! You’re just not making any sense!” This was just... fucked. This was completely fucked. Had she completely lost her mind? It kind of sounded like she had. “Do you want me to be jealous?” he asked incredulously when she questioned him again? Jealously was the most annoying emotion in the history of ever. He hated feeling this way. Even worse, though, he hated this ridiculous conversation that his jealousy had gotten him into. Of course him being jealous was a bad thing. Who in their right mind would want to be going through this? "I'm making perfect sense!" Abby was not insane. He might not understand what she was saying, but that didn't make her insane. If either of them was crazy, he was the guilty party. After all, he was the one that couldn't explain his emotions. "No! I don't want… I just… I want you to…" Under normal circumstances, Abby would've agreed that jealousy was one of the most annoying emotions in existence. Right now, though, she was leaning toward… whatever she was feeling at the moment. "Do you want me to stop seeing him?” ”Yes!” It was all Jase could do not to add a strong duh to the end of his response. He thought the answer to that question should be perfectly obvious. Of course he wanted her to stop seeing him. Hadn’t he just admitted to being jealous? Granted, he knew he didn’t have a right to ask her not to see the Italian, but she had asked him, so he figured he was perfectly justified in giving her an honest answer, right? It made perfect sense to him, anyway. Once again, Abby greatly resembled a fish. Her mouth open and closed pointlessly as she made incoherent sounds. "Yo.. wa.. wh.. ar.. ser.. wh.." She probably should've expected the answer she'd received, but she hadn't actually thought he would tell her to stop seeing the other man. Sure, he was jealous, but they weren't together. He didn't have a right to control who she was dating. "That's not… I don't tell you who you can and can't see!" she blurted suddenly. That wasn't fair! She'd never tried to control who he spent his time with! Why was he suddenly so… UGH?! ”I DIDN’T TELL YOU WHO YOU CAN AND CAN’T SEE!!!! YOU ASKED ME IF I WANTED YOU TO STOP SEEING HIM! I ANSWERED YOUR FUCKING QUESTION!” Jase knew he shouldn’t be raising his voice like that, but he was growing increasingly frustrated with this conversation. He didn’t understand why she was getting so... She had asked him a question! He had answered her! Why did it feel like she was pissed off at him for being honest? He knew he didn’t have a right to tell her who she could date, but she had asked!! He couldn’t win here, could he? So far, it seemed like all that being honest was getting him was her becoming annoyed with him. Her eyes opened wide in surprise when he began to yell at her. Had he lost his fucking mind? A few minutes before, he'd asked her if she was insane. Once again, though, she found herself thinking that he was the crazy one. After all, he had to be crazy to think it was acceptable to talk to her the way he was currently talking to her. "What is your fucking problem, Forrester?!" she questioned. "You're standing there acting like… You're having a jealous fit like… IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, I'D THINK YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME OR SOMETHING!" Abby was far too annoyed to think about what she'd just said. The only thing she could focus on was the fact that he was yelling at her as though she was doing something wrong, and for once in her life, she wasn't. They weren't together. It wasn't as if she was cheating on him. He had no valid reason to want her to end her relationship with Joe! ”WELL, MAYBE I AM!” Jase wasn’t even really paying attention to what he was yelling back at her. He was so incredibly frustrated and confused that he couldn’t really think coherently and he just said the first thing that popped into his head. It wasn’t like he had really thought about how he felt before. There hadn’t been a reason to. He and Abby had a good thing going here. They shared a bed. They had 3 amazing kids. All that idiot Joe could possibly do was screw things up. That was the last thing Jase wanted to happen. Maybe that meant he did have feelings for her. He didn’t know. He’d never been the guy to analyze his feelings or even think about them when he could help it. All he knew was that he hated the way Abby’s eyes had lit up when she’d opened their door to find Joe standing there days ago. He hated the thought that Joe could give her something he couldn’t. "YEAH, RIGHT! AS IF THAT WO..." The desire to fight instantly disappeared when she realized what he'd just screamed at her. He… what? She was almost certain that wasn't even possible, but that meant very little. After all, a few moments ago, she'd been just as certain that he wasn't jealous. Clearly, her judgement was way off, today. Some time ago, she had begun to suspect that her feelings for him were changing. She hadn't wanted to ruin what they had, though, and she'd fought it with every fiber of her being. Who could blame her for that? Jase wasn't the type to fall in love. If she'd brought her emotions into this, it could've destroyed what they'd built together. "What?" she murmured quietly, her expression serious. "Maybe… what?" Abby didn't want to let herself believe that he was in love with her, but she was incapable of ignoring what he'd said. ”Maybe... I don’t know...” Jase shook his head, just as confused as he’d been when she’d first questioned him. He hadn’t been paying attention to what he was saying a moment ago, but the sudden shift in her tone made him stop to think about it. Was he? How on earth was he supposed to even know? He and Abby had blurred the lines of friendship long ago. He cared for her deeply. She’d easily become one of his best friends. She was the mother of her children. She was.. he needed her in his life. To say he loved her, though. would be an enormous deal. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if she’d rather be with Joe? Regardless of the truth, he was afraid to admit to himself or to her that his feelings might run even more deeply than he thought they did. Abby tried her very best to hide the look of disappointment that moved over her features when he said that he didn't know. As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't as successful as she would've liked. "Oh.." She didn't know what else to say. Of course he wasn't in love with her. She was a moron for believing that was possible for even a second. It was a great way to end a fight, though. "Okay.." This conversation was over. She had been the one to instigate it, but she wasn't interested in carrying it any further. Suddenly, she didn't care that he'd acted like an ass while her friend was in town. Rather than continuing to stand there, she turned to go. She didn't know where she was going. Leaving the house wasn't exactly an option. She just knew that she didn't want to be where she was. Thinking that a bath seemed like a good idea, she headed in the direction of their bedroom. Maybe the kids would give her five minutes of peace and quiet before they began knocking incessantly. If Jase could read her thoughts, he would have thought she was grossly overreacting. Saying he didn’t know certainly wasn’t the same as saying he didn’t. He just wasn’t very good with emotions and feelings and was he meant to be absolutely certain of how he felt the instant she interrogated him on the subject? He didn’t know what was going through her head, though, and he was no less confused now by her behavior than he had been for the duration of this conversation. As ready ad he had been moments ago for it to be over, though, he moved forward when she turned to walk away. “Where are you going?” he asked her. They couldn’t just leave it like that. She couldn’t just say okay in that tone and walk away from him. Jase wasn’t exactly sure what was going on between them at the moment, but it certainly didn’t feel like the argument was really over and he didn’t want her to just walk off. Not like this. It was entirely possible that Abby was grossly overreacting, but she was trying not to. As a matter of fact, she was trying not to to react at all. She'd stupidly allowed herself to hope that he was in love with her, though, and she couldn't help feeling disappointed that he wasn't… or that he didn't know if he was. Really, wasn't being in love like having an orgasm? If you didn't know whether you'd had one, you probably hadn't. "I'm going to take a bath," she answered. Regardless of what he thought, they could just leave it like that. She could just walk away. The argument didn't need a climatic end. It was over because she'd decided not to fight anymore. ”Don’t... you can’t just leave it like this,” Jase argued. Maybe she’d decided the fight was over, but that wasn’t good enough for Jase. What right did she have to decide when they were done talking about this? Didn’t Jase have a say in things, too? It wasn’t like he wanted to keep fighting or whatever it was they’d been doing, but he didn’t want her to just walk away, either. She wanted to take a bath now? Jase wasn’t sure why he was opposed to that, but her reached for her hand and tried to pull her to him. "Leave it like what?" Abby had started the fight, therefore, she was allowed to end it. Jase had a say in the matter, but when it came down to it, she was going to get to make the final decision. It wasn't fair, but it was how their relationship worked… for the moment, at least. In spite of his protests, she continued to move towards the bedroom. Before she could get there, though, he caught her by the hand and pulled her back to him. "What?" she questioned gently. Her gaze met with his for a fraction of a second, but she quickly focused on his t-shirt. As ridiculous as it sounded, she didn't want him to see the hurt and disappointment that was sure to be in her eyes. Jase didn’t really know what to say, but he knew that he didn’t want her to just leave, even if it was just for the bathroom. “Like.. just.. I don’t know.. like this.” He knew that didn’t make the slightest amount of sense, but he didn’t really know what else to say. As her gaze fell to his shirt, Jase placed his hand under her chin and urged his face back up. He leaned down, catching her lips with his. As soon as his lips touched hers, he realized that was what he wanted. If their argument was truly over, then he was ready to make up properly. Under normal circumstances, Abby wouldn't run from a fight. Right now, though, she desperately needed a little time away from… everything. As ridiculous as it sounded, this had been one of her biggest fears. From the very beginning, she'd worried that she would fall in love with him. She'd hoped that wouldn't be an issue, but at the same time, she'd known that it would be difficult to keep her emotions in check when they were living together… sharing a bed… raising their children. Unfortunately, she'd stupidly believed that she could control her feelings. She hesitated when his hand slipped under her chin, but she was soon allowing him to turn her face up to his. Allowing him to kiss her was easily the stupidest thing she could do at this particular point in time, but she'd never been able to resist him. Her eyes closed as their lips brushed together, and it was second nature to return the embrace. Determined not to lose herself in him completely, she kept her hands down at her side as her lips moved under his. Why did his kiss have to feel so good? This was what Jase needed. The moment his lips pressed to hers, Jase had known that this was exactly what he needed. He needed to be close to her. He needed this to truly know things were all right between them. He hummed happily against her lips as he deepened the kiss. Jase’s arm’s wrapped around her, pulling her close to him. His lips pulled gently at hers, but there was an underlying hunger, a need behind the kiss that wasn’t usually there. Jase always wanted her. That much should be obvious. This was different, though. He wasn’t completely cognizant of the fact, but right now he needed her. “If you’re insisting on that bath,” he murmured, barely lifting his lips from hers, “you should at least let me join you.” Though she was determined to not lose herself in him, her arms slipped around his frame when he deepened the kiss. Abby couldn't have told you how this embrace was different from any of the others they had shared during the last two and a half years. There was a difference, though, and that terrified her. What they had was… amazing, for lack of a better word. It wasn't the great love she'd dreamed about when she was a child, but that was alright. She didn't need that as long as she had him. At least, that was what she told herself. A quiet hum built within her chest as her lips moved almost lovingly against his. She knew that she should push him away long enough to get her emotions under control, but she felt incapable of doing that. "Alright," she breathed. There was a good chance that this was going to lead to her saying something she didn't mean to say, but she couldn't turn him away. Actually, she was beginning to feel as though she needed him just as much as he needed her. Even as she agreed, Jase didn’t pull away. His lips moved tenderly over hers and he pulled her as close as he could manage. A few moments later, though, he was pulling her towards the bedroom they shared. Jase’s lips didn’t move from hers even as they made their way through their home. Once they were safely alone in their bedroom, though, his hands begun to wander. “I want you,” he murmured, his lips fusing to hers once more as he began to pull at her shirt. “I need you,” he whispered heatedly against her lips. He wasn’t really paying attention to his words, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but keeping her close to him. Abby gasped softly when he pulled her closer, bringing their frames flush together. Her softer curves seemed to fit perfectly against the firmer lines of his body, and she found herself thinking that the same could be said about every aspect of them. Some might have described them as an odd couple, but they had always seemed to fit together as though they were pieces of the same puzzle. "I want you," she echoed. "I always want you." The children were just in the other room, but that was momentarily forgotten as they locked themselves in the bedroom they shared. It was entirely possible they would be interrupted at some point, but as horrible as it sounded, the television was capable of distracting them for hours at a time. Following his well set example, she began to tug at his t-shirt as her lips pulled hungrily at his. Moments ago, she'd been hesitant to lose herself in his embrace. Now, though, that was easily the furthest thing from her mind. "I need you always." They fit together perfectly in every way if you asked Jase. He hadn’t exactly dwelled on it and he couldn’t tell you what exactly it meant, but he knew that he was perfectly happy, perfectly content being with Abby. The fact of the matter was that he hadn’t really even been with another woman recently. It was probably a small miracle they made it to the bedroom before he started to pull at her clothing. It probably made him a horrible parent, but Jase found it easy to forget about the kids when he got lost in Abby. He found it easy to forget about everything when he was wrapped up in her like this. The first time they’d done this had been about having a baby. It had felt strange and awkward that first night, at least at first, but now Jase couldn’t imagine not wanting her. “You feel so good,” he mumbled against her lips. “Taste so good.” He groaned in protest as the removal of her shirt required him to pull his lips from hers, but soon he’d brought his mouth back to hers for another deep, wanting kiss. “So sexy,” he murmured as he nipped and pulled at her lips. Abby couldn't say the same. It had only been a few days since she'd shared a bed with another man. In her defense, though, she wasn't exactly aware of how monogamous Jase had been during the last couple of months. If she had been, she might done something different. She groaned audibly when the removal of their shirts forced their mouths apart. A heart beat later, though, that sound of disapproval was replaced with a soft moan as he urged her into another deep kiss. "Guh, Jase," she breathed. "Love you so much." The words rolled off of her tongue before she realized what she was saying. It wasn't something she'd never said, but at the same time, it wasn't something she said very often. Until now, she'd been careful to never utter those words while they were having sex, but she'd completely lost herself in the way he was pulling almost desperately at her. Later, she would say this was why she'd wanted to have a few minutes by herself before they made up. Jase almost missed those three not so little words, but even as his brain processed what she had said, a smile spread over his lips. With any number of girls in his past, those words would have really freaked him out. That wasn't the case now, though. Jase felt his heart beat faster with that simple phrase. He pulled back to look at her, studying her for a brief moment as if trying to make up his mind about something. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak as his hand brushed over her cheek with an unusual tenderness. "I love you, too," he murmured quietly. He'd never said those words aloud before. He'd never even thought he would want to. A few moments ago, he'd even quite truthfully said he didn't know if he was in love with her. None of that mattered, though. The moment he'd heard her say it, the moment he'd said the words himself, Jase knew he was in love with the woman in his arms. He was so sure of it now that a part of him wondered how he hadn't seen it before. When he broke the kiss and pulled back to look at her, Abby became painfully aware of the words she'd allowed to come out of her mouth. An expression of shock and horror moved over her features as she tried to think of something to say, but she was well and truly speechless. Who could blame her for that, though? What could she say? It wasn't like she could take it back or pretend it wasn't true. There was nothing she could do to reverse what she'd just done. Just when she was ready to apologize, his hand moved almost lovingly over her cheek. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, but it skipped several beats when he returned the words she'd murmured without meaning to. "Jase, I don't mean it lik…" Her words trailed off into silence and she exhaled forcefully. If they were going to do this, she didn't want to leave anything to chance. That meant she needed to be as straightforward as possible. "I'm in love with you, Jase," she informed him quickly. "I have been for… a while. If you mean it like that… if you mean it the way that I mean it, there will be no one else… just you. If you don't…" She paused to inhale deeply. "If you don't, we need to talk." Abby had tried her best to ignore they way she felt about him. Now that she'd been honest, though, she knew they couldn't keep doing what they were doing if he didn't feel the same way about her. Jase’s face fell noticibly when she started to say she hadn’t meant it like that. Of course. Of course she didn’t feel the same way about him. How could she when she had someone like Joe in her life. How could she love the screw-up who’d knocked her up at 16, who couldn’t even get into college? Jase knew she deserved so much better than him. His expression brightened, though, when she told him she was in love with him. A grin slowly spread over his face and rather than answer her, he pulled her into a deep kiss. Several moments passed as his lips pulling desperately at hers before he finally pulled away and nodded his head. “I mean it,” he assured her in a low, husky tone. “It’s been just you for awhile now. I was just too stupid to realize what that meant until now.” Jase had never been a man of many words and with that he pulled her into another kiss, intent on showing her now just how much he meant what he’d just said. |