InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Swooping is bad."

Jenna Hanna (jenna_hanna) wrote in omega_reality,
@ 2011-05-23 23:41:00

Entry tags:

*complete, 2011 05, character: sean hanna, dead: jenna hanna

RP: Jenna and Sean
Who: Sean and Jenna Hanna
Where: The House
When: May 23, 2011
Summary: Jenna talks to Sean when they're alone

She was glad to be out of the team center, away from everyone else - watching people grieve and sort through what had happened today was not comfortable for Jenna. Especially when she had people like Robert and Morgan trying to check on her. She was fine, just like she told them both - she didn't need anyone hovering over her, leave that for people who had never seen anyone die before.

When they were back at the house though she couldn't be alone, even if she were downstairs with the dogs she felt too alone. And she needed to check on Sean, make sure he was all right more than she would have been able to at the team center with everyone else around them watching. And maybe checking on her brother was as much for her own benefit as for his - she didn't think he'd begrudge her that.

She knocked and waited before she went in and closed the door behind her. She wasn't going to ask him if he was all right, she knew how that question felt knew how to answer it easily enough too. "Do you want to talk?" She asked instead, he could tell her no - and she might talk then, or maybe she'd just stay and they could sit quietly together - it was better than being alone right then.

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sean_hanna
2011-05-28 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Sean hated this. All of it. It sucked and he hadn't wished for home as much since his first night here. The job had come first again, taking everyone away, and now Peter was...

It sucked. He was supposed to be at Moms' celebrating his graduation, possibly bitching about Dad not being there again.

Well, at least that much was the same.

At least it was Jenna knocking at his door and not G's brother. Sean wasn't sure he could put up with one more person telling what to do, how much he wasn't prepared for any of this. There were enough military types in the house already, when they were actually there, and the only one he was remotely willing to talk to just then was his sister. "Yes, no, I don't know?" Sean shrugged. He'd tried to play something, but had given up and put his instruments away. "What am I supposed to say?"

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jenna_hanna
2011-05-28 10:09 pm UTC (link)

Jenna gave her brother a small smile and closed the door behind her as she stepped into the room and went to sit on the corner of his bed. "You're not supposed to say anything." She told him, lifting her shoulders briefly. "You can if you want to, but there's nothing you're supposed to say." She knew well enough what it was like the first time you'd seen someone killed.

She still didn't know what she was feeling, trying to make sure that she was focused on here and now. On their surroundings, little noises outside the house and inside. But her mind kept going to their dad, and back to Afghanistan. Flashes too quick to make much sense of but they were there and the feelings that came with them were strong even if she couldn't fully make out the memories.

It made her feel sick.

"Do you mind if I stay for a while?" She asked him, "We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want." She just didn't want to be alone. And she hoped maybe Sean felt the same way right then.

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sean_hanna
2011-05-30 11:21 pm UTC (link)

"Of course I don't mind." Sean pulled his legs up to make more room for her on the bed, hooking his elbows around his knees as he did so. Some of the guys had thought it weird that he was so close to his sister growing up. But, it had never bothered Sean. He liked that they would always have someone there who knew exactly where they'd come from, who they were, had been there through more than even their best friends. He'd read somewhere that the children of single parents were often closer than those with both parents in their lives, that they subconsciously tried to make up for the perceived hole in their sibling's life. Whatever the reason, Sean had always felt close to his sister and he was grateful for that now, here, when everything was so crazy.

"I feel like I should have something to say. I always do. But, I can't think." This wasn't ever what he thought he'd be dealing with in his life, this loss of life so close. He worried about it with his dad. Now, he worried about losing his sister. But, Sean had always disconnected from it, from that entire lifestyle that mandated the constant worry. Dad and G kept talking, only it hadn't sunk in until now, when both of them were gone. "Do you think they'll be gone like last time? Leave us here for two weeks again?"

He couldn't let himself worry that something could, would, or had happened to their dad and the others. But, he had to ask in a roundabout way.

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jenna_hanna
2011-05-31 12:14 am UTC (link)

This was the one thing that had always made sense. Sean had always been there when she needed him and she'd always done her best to be there for him, and even when everything else was falling apart just spending time with her brother was something that never failed to make her feel better. She moved to sit beside Sean, giving him a little space if he needed it but close enough that she was right there for him too.

"You don't have to have something to say, I never did." She told him, thinking about all the times she'd been in this position. And even then it had never been like this, but it had been friends. People she'd trained with and fought with and lived with. She never had anything to say then, and it seemed even harder to try and find words now.

Jenna shook her head when Sean asked about the team. "I don't know, they said that guy has been missing since February right?" She didn't like the idea of their dad being gone that long again, not when he'd only just gotten back. She wanted him there. "I hope not." She said, giving voice to that one small truth. She wanted her dad there, she didn't want to worry about him too on top of everything else, but she worried even when she knew she shouldn't.

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sean_hanna
2011-05-31 02:52 am UTC (link)

"Me too," Sean agreed quietly. He'd thought things would be different with them here. But, apparently that was a short-lived fantasy.

Watching his sister, he almost asked her about what she was thinking, what she'd seen. Yet, he knew Jenna too well. She didn't like to talk about things like that. And, she'd promised to come to him when she was ready and needed to talk. He could let her do that, come to him when she was ready, not before. Just like he knew she wasn't the physically affectionate one the way he was and gave her space when she needed it, instead of hugs. But, he also knew she wouldn't have asked to stay if she didn't need something, even just a distraction.

And, that, he could finally provide. It had taken him longer than he had thought it would to rewrite and record his music after finding a decent program to download like he'd asked his dad about. But, now he had something.

"Since you're here," he said casually, reaching for his laptop from the bag by the side of the bed. Booting up, he found the files and started loading them as he spoke. "Can I play you something I've been working on?"

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jenna_hanna
2011-05-31 03:25 am UTC (link)

Maybe she should talk to Sean, but what would she say? She didn't think she could tell him about the things she was thinking about, not right now - not while they were both dealing with Peter's death and worrying about their dad. Sean had enough to worry about without adding her to it all.

She felt better just sitting here with him though, the company of someone who knew her and wouldn't make her talk just to fill up the silence, she could fall apart later when she knew their dad was all right and everything was okay.

"Of course, you know I like hearing anything you've done." She grinned though, this was better, it gave her something else to focus on. And she liked knowing Sean was still working on his music while they were here - not just idly playing around on the guitar during the group dinners they did. "Is it something you started here? Or something from home?" She asked, sitting up a bit straighter while she watched him find the music on his computer.

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sean_hanna
2011-05-31 04:40 am UTC (link)

"Something from home." While the song file queued up, he set the computer on the bed and moved around so he could watch her face while she listened to it. This was for her, after all, and he wanted to see her reaction. "It's the piece I wrote for this year's concert, actually. So, you have to pretend the instruments aren't quite so tinny sounding and you're sitting in Lincoln Center with Moms while I'm onstage with the Jazz Orchestra," he explained with a grin before pressing play.

The music wasn't exactly the same as what he'd originally written at home. There were some subtle orchestration differences in the style between the two worlds and he'd borrowed some motifs from this dimension that had sounded better than what he'd known at home. But, it was mostly the same, a bright combination of Jazz and Gospel melodies that told the story of a brother who was proud of his big sister and what she'd become, even if he missed her when she was gone.

He'd used different instruments to represent each of the family in a manner similar to Peter and the Wolf. Jenna herself was the alto flute with it's tones that were deeper, stronger, but still feminine. Moms was the piano, a constant presence in the background offering the supporting chords that lifted the melodies and threaded them all together. He'd assigned the bari sax to Dad, it's low even tones holding up and echoing the flute in harmonies that were similar, but individual just like Dad and Jenna. The brass line played the Corps, leading his sister across the sea and back.

Of course, the line that represented Sean was the alto sax line and the sax solo he'd played himself and recorded rather than generating by computer. The solo came near the end of the piece and he'd planned for that to be his final welcome home for Jenna, building into a crescendo with the rest of the piece until the final flute trill.

Watching her intently, he grinned as it ended and handed her a copy he'd burned to CD for her. They didn't have a printer at the house, so he'd had to design the insert for the jewel case himself, something abstract in yellows and greens with the title Jen's Homecoming along the bottom where she could clearly read it. "I figure you ought to have a copy of it, if you like it."

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jenna_hanna
2011-05-31 04:58 am UTC (link)

She couldn't help being proud that he'd recreated the song he made for the final concert since they'd gotten here. She'd known how important it was to him, with the graduation coming up - she'd been relieved when her time home managed to fit perfectly, she wouldn't have wanted to miss Sean's graduation.

She closed her eyes and took a slow breath like she was centering herself, before she opened her eyes and grinned. "All right, Mom and I are in Lincoln Center and we're waiting to see you leading the orchestra." She could certainly picture that for Sean.

And then the music started and it was easier to picture than she'd thought it would be.

Jenna wasn't ever going to understand music the way Sean did, she liked music, she liked listening to it she liked dancing to it, sometimes she even liked singing it, but she didn't have the same connection to music and instruments that her brother did. But listening to the music her brother had created, picking out small parts that almost sounded familiar, like maybe it was telling a story she knew, she could feel it.

"Sean." She said her voice tight when the song ended. She took the CD case he handed her, reading the title of the song, her fingers tracing over the words. She punched his shoulder and moved until she could get her arms around him "Of course I like it, can't believe you'd even consider the possibility that I wouldn't." It was just supposed to be a song, and then it had to be this song and it had to hit so close to home with everything she'd been holding in and Sean was the one safe place she had there.

She didn't mean to it just all rushed up at her and she couldn't stop herself before the tightness in her throat and the wetness in her eyes weren't just thing she could brush away, but she was actually crying, not about the song and not about Peter but about everything and she didn't know what to say.

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sean_hanna
2011-06-02 04:51 am UTC (link)

Sean loved music, the way it spoke to people, the way he could reach people through it he'd never be able to otherwise. But, he also loved performing, live audiences, being able to see how the music he played touched people. There was no better feeling in the world than to watch someone smile as they listened to something he composed. It was like sunshine and Christmas and first loves all wrapped up into one.

He loved it even more when the person he was watching was the person who'd inspired the piece.

"Hey!" he complained on a laugh, rubbing briefly at his arm where she'd punched him before wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug. "Anything's possible," he began teasingly.

But, then, instead of laughing with him, she was crying, really crying in a way his sister didn't let herself do very often. He wasn't sure what about the song had triggered it. Maybe it hadn't even been the song, just that it had opened the door to something else that needed a release. And, it didn't really matter to him for the moment. What mattered the most was just letting her get it out, whatever it was. "I'm right here," he murmured, holding her close and just letting her cry without platitudes that meant nothing or attempts to shush her. He simply held her and let the tears flow. "I've got you, Jen. I've got you."

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jenna_hanna
2011-06-02 05:33 am UTC (link)

"Don't be stupid, it was amazing." She only wished Sean had been able to show it to her the way he'd imagined it at home. She wished he could have this moment at Julliard and she wished she and their mom could be there listening to this together watching Sean do what he loved. She wished things were different.

Jenna didn't really know what had happened, where exactly the break had come from. It was probably a combination of the music, and wanting things to be different, and Peter, and their dad being gone and so many things they just couldn't change being here and she didn't know how to process all of that and it just forced it's way out of her as she held tight to her brother.

She wasn't sure how long she cried before she could stop herself, pulled everything back in on a tighter reign than she'd had before. "I'm sorry." She said as she carefully pulled herself away from Sean so she could wipe at her face, wincing at the tears she'd left on his shoulder. "Sorry, that was -" She shook her head, wiping the backs of her hands over her eyes trying to keep it together still. "It was beautiful really, Sean. Thank you." She ignored the tremor in her voice for the moment, not sure what to say about what she'd just done now that she'd gone and done it.

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