G was eight years old and curled up in a ball on his bed as he listened to the foster parents of the month arguing. He was too little to understand how the woman his foster father was seen kissing could be connected to cheating at something. But, he knew when the argument turned to leaving the wife to take care of that boy by herself his time there was almost over.
G was twelve. He and Jason stood in the corner of the room as their foster father, in a drunken rage, beat his wife before turning on them. While the woman crawled off to do the one thing she'd ever done right and call the police, Jason moved to stand protectively in front of G...and then Jason was nothing but a broken doll on the floor.
G was thirteen, in the backseat of a car he and the fifteen year old girl moving on top of him had 'borrowed' for the evening. When they were finished, the 'I'll love you forever' she'd forget about by morning tripped easily from her lips as she drove him back to the group home.
G was fourteen, bouncing Alina Rostof on his knee while their parents laughed in the kitchen and prepared dinner. Three months later, he was standing alone in the street outside a new home where he was supposed to stay now that he couldn't stay with the Rostofs any longer.
G was eighteen and arguing with the boy he'd been sleeping with about being in the Navy.
Twenty-one and his potential girlfriend was leaving him because she couldn't deal with the life he'd chosen.
Thirty and bidding yet another attempt at a relationship farewell before leaving for Russia. He didn't even know the reason this time.
Thirty-two and fooling himself about marriage and Tracey before finding her at the safe house. Sipping tea.
Thirty-seven and losing himself in the role of Jason Tedrow, trying to believe there was a future with Kristin.
Thirty-eight and being partnered with Sam, the stubborn SEAL he just couldn't seem to lose even though he tried to push him away the same as he had every partner since Tracey.
Forty and seeing Sam for the first time after he woke up in the hospital after the shooting.
Six months later, seeing Kristin again and the little boy who could have been his son, the fear he had abandoned his son without knowing it. Sam staying by him no matter how much G tried to go it on his own.
Arriving in Omega. Sam finally admitting he loved G -- out of context, just that moment.
The moment he'd realized he'd not only loved Sam for some time, but said it without thinking -- also out of context.
Followed by flashes of moments, thoughts, the times when G wondered if he'd ever stop feeling scared of losing what they'd found, times his own feelings terrified him but he pushed through them because Sam was more important.
Waking up just that morning and listening to Sam breathe, still asleep, as G realized he'd stopped being surprised to find the other man there each day. He was beginning to accept the possibility Sam would always be there each morning.
It was a bare sketch of his life, so many details left out, so many examples skipped over for privacy.
"How much is she worth?" he asked silently before Deeks could pull out of the connection. "Is staying safely on your own worth more than taking that risk for her happiness? And yours."