goth_abby (goth_abby) wrote in omega_reality, @ 2011-03-23 18:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | *complete, 2011 03, dead: abby sciuto |
RP: Abby
Who; Abby Sciuto
Where: Base Prison
When: March 23, 2011
Summary: Abby's all alone with too much on her mind
She truly was a walking contradiction; she loved working alone, yet she loved being around people. Although at that moment, she relished in the solitude except for the increasingly guilt that ate at her whenever April came to visit. Even though she visited often, Abby missed spending more time with her or rather she missed living with the other woman. It, thus far, had been the only choice that made her happy.
Using the knowledge that she wanted to move back with April for motivation, Abby did hour of yoga every morning with an hour of physical training before her scheduled shower time. Since running was not high on her list of choices, she alternated between walking and running, giving her an average of slightly over eight and a half minutes. It was all still awful, but Abby did it anyways because a) it got her out of there sooner and b) she promised she'd do it if left alone.
We all miss home and want to leave, she said to herself. Doesn't mean we have to feel alone in this world while we figure out how to do it. With her mind too jumbled to concentrate on the materials, she closed the book on her lap. Moving away from the cot where she had been reading, Abby sat in a lotus position in the middle of the room with her back to the door.
Inhale..1..2..3..4..hold..1..2..3..4..ex
Of course that thought lead to expectations and the reasons behind the training. Yes, she understood that they needed to survive in case attacked by those in the government and those crossing into the dimension who were against controlling powers and their use against the rest of the public. What she still couldn't understand was the insistence that killing one's attacker was the only way to survive. Abby knew, deep down in her gut, killing wasn't the only option. It might be the most efficient option, but it wasn't the only one.
No one in power over security will ever agree with you, a little voice said while another voice completely agreed. You going to just accept that, Abby? You just going to allow them to turn you into a killer? Self defense or not, you still killed someone. Eyes still closed, she shook her head. It didn't matter what they said or how much training she had, Abby was no killer. How many nay-sayers have you met in your life? Have you let any of them beat you? Then why are you letting them?
Even though she barely tried in the training, the fact still remained that their goal was to make her think and act like agents; think and act like Sam and Callen. It was then the reason Abby let them push her like that was because she truly thought of them as friends and friends wouldn't force another friend to become like them against their will. I'm not asking you to be like me -- I like you too much to wish that on you. Callen's words echoed in her head, forcing her to wrinkle her forehead as her lips turned into a frown. Liar.
Anger and hurt swelled up inside her chest making her lose some of her concentration. Inhale..1..2..3..4..hold..1..2..3..4..ex
Abby made a note to work on some more hand to hand. Focus on weak points; minimal effort with maximum damage, she said to herself. And if they make you learn 17 ways to kill someone with your thumb? her skeptical voice asked before the voice of confidence and self-reliance answered. Focus on learning 17 different ways to defend against someone else trying to kill you with their thumb.
While the decision made sense and it was something Abby believed in striving toward, there was still the nagging feeling of what to do about the next day when Callen showed up. Remain focused on yourself. Shorten the warm up and spend more time running than walking. Don't let him push you; push yourself. He doesn't care about you; he's there because he was ordered. Focus on those who actually care. Train to get back to them; that's the ultimate goal.
Thoughts of self-doubt and lack of self-worth surfaced, but she forced them aside. For the first time since arriving, she had a plan on how to deal with all those things that made her Abby that everyone seemed to be trying to destroy. Don't let me take away the only thing you have her; yourself.